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what if all of the indiana jones movies are just dreams that han solo has while he's frozen in carbonate?
Do more things that make you forget to check your phone
I'm spending the year dead for tax reasons
Managing is just great prompt engineering... with a human touch.
DON'T OFFER A LECTURE TO A PERSON WHO NEEDS A HUG .
I met my wife at a singles night. ...I was surprised, as I thought she was at home with the kids.
never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.
I want treats, cuddles,naps and exercise Basically I am a puppy
“Wisdom is the echo of experience.” James Clear
A liar will get angry with you for knowing the truth
Your secrets safe with me I probably wasn't listening
When you lose track of time, things begin to flow.
MAY DO ABORTION OPPONENTS ACTUALLY EAT EGGS?
IT'S AMAZING HOW FAST YOUR MOOD CAN CHANGE AFTER YOU STEP IN WATER WITH SOCKS ON!!
* * ** B *o * * ^ * * / \ * * * * I__ l d * * l I l I l o / \ / /Illll\ \ m / / 00 \ \ a 00 t 00 i 00 c Our imagination takes flight!!!!
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
This house will never feel like home
Happy Earth Day Enjoy Earth while you can
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, SIMBA, MAKUNA MY TATAS •¿•
You know you're old when you get up in the morning and the first thing you do is make noise.
Before you fuck a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are
IF YOU'RE FEELING A SUDDEN CALM. IT'S BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR VOODOO DOLL OUT FOR A PICNIC ON A GRASSY HILL. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
You can throw all the shade you want. It's still sunny in my world.
IF YOU'VE NEVER JUMPED FROM ONE COUCH TO THE OTHER TO AVOID THE LAVA YOU'VE NEVER HAD A CHILDHOOD!!
i am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth, a nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present. in this limitless nation, this nation of wind, light, and peace, there is no other ruler besides the sea.
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
Aus Möwen kann man keinen Saft machen.
There is no more stupid or dangerous way of making desicions than to put them in the hands of those who pay no penalty if they're wrong.
People say "one foot in the grave" all the time but in my case thats actually true. I think they buried it after the amputation.
I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. ...then I got a Facebook account, and now I'm over it.
lieber Priester, du kannst über alles predigen, nur nicht über 15 Minuten
you matter, though you energy at the speed of light
Before you fuck a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke
virtue is the coitus interruptus of temptation
money and monkey need no grammar
the days pass happily with me wherever my ship sails.
truth becomes dangerous when a lie starts to make sense
WHY SHOULD YOU NEVER TOUCH A COWBOY BOOT LEFT ON A FENCE?
there is a rule in sailing where the more maneuverable ship should give way to the less maneuverable craft. i think this is sometimes a good rule to follow in human relationships as well.
never start a fight with a woman - they remember shit that hasnt even happened yet ;-)
men play the game... women know the score
Love is in the air... for now.
broken hearts never die, some only wish they could
Sometimes you meet someone, and you know right away that you want to spend the rest of your life without them.
a lie is a concept depending on the witnesses
IF YOU'RE FEELING A SUDDEN CALM. IT'S BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR VOODOO DOLL OUT FOR A PICNIC ON A GRASSY HILL. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
Happy Earth Day Enjoy Earth while you can
It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today or naked tomorrow
You look like something I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.
If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal Listening to them - common Arguing with them - acceptable Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food they say the ones you love hurt you the most
THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is a beautiful concept. unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you.
i've fallen in love with you, but you don't exist.
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