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LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

262

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

273

I'm not saying
you're a slut.

I'm just saying if
your vagina had a password,
it would be 1234.

169

Favorite type of music to play during sex?

You.

51

If men could get pregnant, not only abortion would be legal, but birth control would be free, mandatory and bacon-flavored

95

If I'm still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.

128

You must be tired after everything
we did in my dreams last night.

143

Karma is like 69. You get what you give.

102

May all your ups and downs be between the sheets.

54

I haven't posted a selfie in a while but I'm still sexy as fuck.
Just keeping you updated.

62

It has been a long week... I need one of those hugs that turn into sex.

104

14,000 people are having sex right now.

25,000 are kissing.

50,000 are hugging.

And you... well you're reading this post.

104

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