rbump's Posts

Yesterday I lost a good friend to a tragic accident. They got their finger caught in a wedding ring.

Reposted from johnniea247

Out of all of my body parts I feel like my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least a thousand eye rolls a day.

Reposted from MissB

your mind needs as much exercise as your body. thats why I think about jogging every day

Reposted from mikedot

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your mind needs as much exercise as your body. thats why I think about jogging every day

Reposted from mikedot

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a friend isn't your friend until they defend you in your absence

Reposted from TessaAnne

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Did you know, that 3-4 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit.

Reposted from anonymous

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Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don't get. Those who do are smiling right now.

Reposted from anonymous

it's a good time to start something new. •

Reposted from anonymous

it's a good time to start something new. •

Reposted from anonymous

If you walk like a duck and you talk like a duck you're drunk. Ducks don't talk.

Reposted from guggigirl

TOO BAD THERE ISN'T A VACCINE AGAINST STUPIDITY.

Reposted from delight_ecards

Sometimes
I get so excited about going to work that I go to a bar instead.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

God gave men a penis and a brain
but unfortunately not enough blood to handle both of them at once!

Reposted from Luenchen

My boss doesn't like the nickname I gave him. It's awful to see Princess Dickhead crying.

Reposted from PennyLame

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A giraffe walks into a bar, orders 6 martinis, & shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

Reposted from 2schaa

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Are you a remote? Because you turn me on.

Reposted from anonymous

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He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him and I'll ask him again when he wakes up. ..

Reposted from anonymous

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Remember the days we didn't walk around with 5000 photos in our pockets?

Reposted from anonymous

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The other day
someone told me I could make Ice Cubes with left over wine

I was Confused,
WTF Is left over Wine?!

Reposted from juneocallagh

I really thought 2015 had potential to be "my year" but we're 3 months in and that ship has sailed so I'll try again, let's say, for 2018.

Reposted from anonymous

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

Reposted from 2schaa

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there is always a wild side to an innocent face

Reposted from Luenchen

WHOEVER IS PRAYING FOR
SNOW
PLEASE STOP

Reposted from avant-garde

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quit your job
travel the world
die happy

Reposted from BJcore

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

Reposted from est24601

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Friendship isn't about who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you" and proved it.

Reposted from againandagain

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When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational..

Why?
Because the leather smells like a new car.

Reposted from makalapua

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The thing I love most about Boldomatic is that no one can send me Candy Crush game invites.

Reposted from MissB

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The thing I love most about Boldomatic is that no one can send me Candy Crush game invites.

Reposted from MissB

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so many countries
i wanna visit
so many experiences
i wanna try
yet i'm stuck here
doing the same
thing everyday
again and again.

Reposted from Ms_Ntlebi

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We have each other and everything else is background noise.

Reposted from anonymous

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a house is made of wood and stone but only love can make a home

Reposted from againandagain

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My job is like the movie "Sixth Sense", except:

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE !

Reposted from 2schaa

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do not wear your mistletoe belt buckle to your office christmas party!!

Reposted from jaybyrd

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Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

Reposted from JodieT

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Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

Reposted from JodieT

It's not that diabetes,
heart disease and obesity
runs in your family. It's that no one runs in your
family.

Reposted from Mamic

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If you had a magic
phone that could dial
into the past,

would you?

Reposted from JodieT

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Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what's in my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.

Reposted from anonymous

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There are Two kind's of morning people !

1) Morning People,

2) People who want to shoot morning people:

Reposted from juneocallagh

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I want a white Christmas, not a wet one...

Reposted from anonymous

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I want a white Christmas, not a wet one...

Reposted from anonymous

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Improve your iphone battery life:

1. Place your iphone on a table.

2. Go outside.

Reposted from jano

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Reposted from LORE

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And here starts another week without me being rich or famous.

Reposted from chipdicks

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The paradise is a place where sundays never ends.

Reposted from anonymous

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it's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

Reposted from neilgoth1974

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rap is like scissors it always loses to rock

Reposted from DonSpaccafurnu

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Make time today for some sunshine and silliness..
don't let stress get the best of you •

Reposted from Lirpae..

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A giraffe walks into a bar, orders 6 martinis, & shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

Reposted from 2schaa

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You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

Reposted from anonymous

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A cop pulled me over and said "papers" ?...
I said scissors... I Win and drove off !

Reposted from Bettydent

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I do yoga to relieve stress.

Just kidding.
I drink wine.

Reposted from est24601

You know that little fucker that sits on your shoulder and acts as your conscience...

Yeah, I snapped his neck...

Reposted from anonymous

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A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's:

She changes it more often.

Reposted from 2schaa

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It's so simple to be wise.

Just think of something stupid to say & then don't say it.

Reposted from 2schaa

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friends always make you feel better, that's why we love them

Reposted from anonymous

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that awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of another car and there's actually someone inside!

Reposted from anonymous

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I need to
go to Walmart
but i can't find my pajamas

Reposted from makalapua

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I need to
go to Walmart
but i can't find my pajamas

Reposted from makalapua

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What on
earth
could
be more
luxurious
than a
sofa, a
book, and
a cup of
coffee?

Reposted from EmilyTudor

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we keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths

Reposted from avant-garde

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I love the kind of hugs where you can physically feel the sadness leaving your body.

Reposted from MissB

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You know you are getting old when happy hour is a nap.

Reposted from janineyvette

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The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

Reposted from FrogLegs

Just saw a butterfly with a girl tattooed on it's lower back.

Reposted from sarcaSM

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A moment of silence to all the people who can't find their name on a coke bottle.

Reposted from manutd7770

If smartphones could talk, they'd be like:

"Seriously, you just checked that like 5 seconds ago"

Reposted from Ms_Ntlebi

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Anybody have any plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

Reposted from cubjurholt

The cashier told me Strip down, facing me.

How was I
to know she
meant
my
debit card?

Reposted from 2schaa

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Marriage is a workshop..
Where husband works and wife shops..

Reposted from Babs_77

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Marriage is a workshop..
Where husband works and wife shops..

Reposted from Babs_77

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Marriage is a workshop..
Where husband works and wife shops..

Reposted from Babs_77

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At times, I'm extremely grateful that our thoughts don't appear in bubbles over our heads like in comics.

Reposted from 2schaa

At times, I'm extremely grateful that our thoughts don't appear in bubbles over our heads like in comics.

Reposted from 2schaa

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If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

Reposted from 2schaa

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If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

Reposted from 2schaa

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Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

Reposted from Ms_Ntlebi

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Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

Reposted from Ms_Ntlebi

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spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon

Reposted from anonymous

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spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon

Reposted from anonymous

Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs.

Reposted from anonymous

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Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs.

Reposted from anonymous

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Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

Reposted from yafei

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With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

Reposted from syllan69

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