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Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

137

The most amazing people are the ones that don't speak much, but when they do, they shut up a lot of mouths.

158

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

78

I'm not saying
you're a slut.

I'm just saying if
your vagina had a password,
it would be 1234.

169

I would not want to be involved in a fight with a person who bleeds every month and still lives.

26

If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape.

62

my ex has one very annoying habit.

breathing.

100

Hold your head high.

And your middle finger higher.

76

A perfect person may not exist, but you're my definition of perfect.

72

A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.

66

I am not a normal broke.

I am a high-class broke.

I am
broqué.

49

Once you learn how much you're worth you'll stop giving people discounts.

74

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