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Posts Liked by jirsch

I shaved my pubes for this 4th of July pool party which is honestly the most patriotic thing i've ever done

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9

That moment when you must recorrect auto correct correcting you, to properly swear in a text message.

101

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

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I can't tell you how many times I've had to cancel a date because my dog keeps dying.

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I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.

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Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

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I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

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I woke up this morning ready to go and work, so I pushed the snooze button and gave my lazyness a second chance.

276

i play the keyboard in a band called the internet

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$againandagain . ; ; . / ; ; ; ; \ _ _ _ . ; ; . | ; ( ; ; ; - " " ` ' - . , ; ; ; ; ;| \ ; ' ' ; ; ; ) ; / / \ ; ; ' / . ; . . ; . \ | ; ; o ; ; ; ; o ; ; | ; ' " - ' ` ` ' - " ' | / \ . _ . / ; ; ; ; ; _ , _ Y _ , _ . ' / ; ; ; ; ; \`- - . ___ . - - ; . / | ; ; ; ; ; ; ; . __ . ; ; ; . \\ ; \ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; \ ; \__ . ; . | ' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; = ; ; ; ; ' | -__ ; ; ; ; / | ` " " ` . - - - . _ / ; /; ;\ ; ; / / ; / ; ; ; ; ; ; ; - ; /; ; / | ; / \_ , \ | ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | | ' - . . .- - '; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; \/ ` " " " ` ` " `$

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