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Posts Liked by AnderSSrednA

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

278

One day, I will solve my problems with maturity.

Today, however, it will be with alcohol.

219

the lion and tiger might be powerful...
but the wolf does not perform in the circus

316

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

213

Some talk to you in their free time
&
some free time to talk to you

270

Can't wait for the day some kid grows up and sues their parents for plastering their face all over the Internet.

194

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

Break rules, not hearts.

410

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

do not wear your mistletoe belt buckle to your office christmas party!!

76

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

Let's get drunk
and tell each other how
we really feel •

248

It's not that diabetes,
heart disease and obesity
runs in your family. It's that no one runs in your
family.

203

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive:

"Hi".

159

I miss you a little... I guess you could say, a little too often, a little too much...

169

And here starts another week without me being rich or famous.

182

Listening to a bird is like listening to a woman.

Nice voice but impossible to understand.

183

It's been almost 3 years since the end of the world in 2012.

152

See you all in church.

Just kidding, meet you at the bar.

176

It's not that I'm tired.

It's just that I don't like standing on my feet with my eyes open.

173

lazy is a very strong word.
i like to call it selective participation.

279

I like people the way I like my tea.

I hate tea.

236

If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once, because you never really left.

289

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

217

it's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

337

Potatoes give us french fries and vodka.

It's your move, celery.

231

I never needed you. I wanted you.

There's a difference.

333

when life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people's eyes

42

"I wasn't THAT drunk...."

"Dude you were using the flashlight on your phone to find your phone".

33

The most obvious solution is to start drinking and dancing.

58

Don't fill me up with love, if you don't plan to be with me..
don't make me fall for you, if you plan to just let me hit the floor •

37

stupid autocorrect

you always end up posting some thong you didn't Nintendo.

57

"Be a good
person, but
don't waste
time to prove it."

108

If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said I would be poor.

27

Can't get out of bed.

Send help....,
or waffles.

Just send waffles.

247

TONIGHT...
WE
ARE
YAWN

90

I Was Born To Be Awesome, Not Perfect.

338

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

394

I don't need much but many beers.

91

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

214

Work until your idols become your rivals.

298

I like long romantic walks off the planet.

102

Find someone who knows you're not perfect but treats you
as if you are.

328

Time to go to bed.

I have a life to pretend to have tomorrow.

222

Intellectual is the new hipster.

132

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

193

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

269

You're as annoying as that app that turns sideways when I lay down.

215

You.
Me.
Bed.
Now.

194

Quick!
No time to explain...
grab a donkey

134

We will always be friends until we are old and senile. Then we can be new friends.

33

Friends are like underwear, always near you
Good friends are like condom, always protecting you
Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down

40

I drink because I'm single,

I'm single because I drink.

43

I think one day I'm going to open an ice cream shop and name the flavors things like

"don't be sad",
"he's a jerk",
"she doesn't deserve you",
and "you'll be fine".

44

there's no "we" in "food"

29

My heart and my brain only agree on one thing..

Food •

157

Reality slaps wishes in the face.

127

You know you are getting old when happy hour is a nap.

171

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

209

there's a little truth behind every
"just kidding"
a little curiosity behind every
"just wondering"
a little knowledge behind every
"i don't know"
and a little emotion behind every
"i don't care"

250

Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.

145

The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

261

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints.

206

People don't want to hear about your diet.

Just eat your lettuce, and be sad.

196

Trust your heart, it beat before you were able to think!

230

renamed my ipod the Titanic, so when i plug it in, it says "the Titanic is syncing" he he

213

damn.

don't you hate it when you think you're out buying organic veggies and when you get home you realize they're just regular donuts?

makes me mad.

138

if i had 1$ for everytime i got called beautiful i'd have 1$

thanks mom

200

There is a pretty good chance I'll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people.

178

Never depend on someone else to make you happy, that's what alcohol is for.

222

There's no stronger sunscreen than sitting at the bar.

111

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

222

Keep your face towards the sunshine
and shadows will
fall behind you.

234

The only Pill that would make me Happy is the one that brings you back to life.

127

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

353

I'm having one of those days that's not a Saturday.

233

10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion.

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.

473

I've never seen a Mcdonalds or a Burger King under construction.

They just show up.

389

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

478

I tripped and fell in love.

Don't worry, I brushed that shit off.

409

some are playing hard to get while i'm playing hard to want

285

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?... That's common sense leaving your body.

395

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

734

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

494

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

534

in Denmark, we're so rich

we pay with crowns

564

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

797

My immaturity keeps me young.

470

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