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Kid; Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom; Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.  
Kid; Mom I'm blind
Mom; Exactly
i made $100 donation to a blind kids charity

...not that the kids will ever see any of it


While we are sleeping, angels have conversations with our souls



If at first you don't succeed
Destroy all evidence you tried.
getting so sick of these double standards: 
burn a body at a mortuary and "you're doing your job"; do it at home and you're "destroying evidence"
There is a past version of you that is so proud of how 
far you've come.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,'




one of my good friends 
                 would still be alive.



   Offer encouragement. 
            Be supportive.

               *But not on a 
            suicide hotline*
After they had eaten the comic, the cannibal turned to his partner and asked,"Did that taste funny to you?"


It is a sign of personal strength and health to seek help for Mental Health Issues
i'm not sick - i'm twisted

sick makes it sound like there's a cure
It's all a matter of viewpoint.  250 pounds here on earth, is 94.5 pounds on Mercury.  

Fat? No.
I'm just not on the right planet...
Wie nennt man den Schulbeginn 2021 / 2022?

Zurück in die Zugluft




Day 69 without sex ... Went bowling so I just could finger something.
There are people out there living your worst nightmare and enjoying it.
"Look deep
into nature
and you will
understand
everything
better."

-ALBERT EINSTEIN
the devil, upon my arrival in hell: hey look, you sold your soul to me last week, and

me: no refunds

devil: yes, but its a lot more twisted than i

me: NO REFUNDS
My husband told me he'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried though, I think he's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
This
 'killing them with kindness' 

is taking way longer then i expected
I assure you, the skeletons that are in the closet came with the house.
Manchmal wartet das Glück nur ein kurzes Stück hinter der Entscheidung, die du nicht treffen willst.
I'd like to have kids one day.








I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, 
                                            though.
Ich liebe diesen dumpfen Aufschlag wenn ich Kindern am Bahnhof erklärt hab, dass der nach Hogwarts nur eine Frage des Anlaufs sei.
BLACK HOLES ARE DEVOID OF A SENSE OF HUMOR.

IN FACT, THEY REALLY SUCK!
It was a dark and
                              stormy night.









                                         The end.
 new friends
 are so exiting

 ...because you
 can kill anyone
 only once
Falling in love with London again is like falling in love with life.
new friends are so exciting





 
   Don't typecast yourself.
A Little on the lips makes a lifetime on the hips

 



 

 I asked God to guide me.

 I finally realized he had been
 sending me signs all along.

 It's going to be tough,
 but I now know what to do.
you get what you pay for.

 
 Everything you need 
 is already inside you,
 don't wait for others 
 to light your life,
 you have 
 your own matches.

 My bra and panties 
 matched 
 the other day.

                                  Red.
BLACK HOLES ARE DEVOID OF A SENSE OF HUMOR.

IN FACT, THEY REALLY SUCK!
That amazing awkward hug brought us to life.
It's easy to walk in nature and feel like you belong. It's harder to walk along the streets of a big city and still feel your worth, and still feel like you belong. We need the contrast.
Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.



 dark farts
Live 
and 
Love 
and 
Live 
again


Bullets do bad things to good people.
What if we are the progeny of the experiment that escaped from the lab?
I wish my life had background music so i could know what the hell is going on



What kind of pandemic requires a constant barrage of media hype to remind you it exists?
Don't put your key to happiness in someone else's pocket.
bye 
bye 
july





 its more 
 common accepted 
 being aggressive with 
 the label of dark humour
 
 I am.

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
or 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.





     LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.


If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 


and I could not have described it any better
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. 
But I would rather be alone with you.
i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.