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Dear @Boldomatic:

Do NOT give up on us! 

We have NEVER given up on you!

With Love,


The fastest land mammal is a toddler who's been asked what's in their mouth
Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It's kids. I have kids.
don't look for ideal people, look for soul mates. 
it's better to eat the cake than to talk about how wonderful it is.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Who is always telling the truth?


 Meet me at the
It's uncomfortable when the neighbor's kids look like you.

There should be an Energy Drink named '6 A.M Toddler'
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
I was never that small! 
I was born, shaved my face, packed my bags and went to work
Parenting is easy once you learn the secret. 

For the love of god, please tell me the secret.

'Do you know the German word for brassiere?'


they know more than we can explain

 Meet me at the

 Have you ever dreamed
           you could fly?!

No country who emptied the shelves at the first sign of panic last year should look down their noses at people fleeing from actual war and terror.

Roses are red
Tacos are delicious
I use Paper Plates
Because I hate
Doing dishes
There's an old saying:

The roots of a tree 
           cast no shadows.
Your thoughts don't have to align with anyone else's.
Funny how we judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions..
College is the opposite of kidnapping. 

They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.
My kids are at an age now where they are beginning to understand embarrassment. 

This is my time to shine.
Dear @Boldomatic:

Do NOT give up on us! 

We have NEVER given up on you!

With Love,


 We both probably 
 wanted the same thing,
 but it obviously didn't 
 end that way.

'ehhh good enough'

Ihr nennt mich Menschenfeind, /
weil ich Gesellschaft meide, /
Ihr irret Euch, /
ich liebe sie. /
Doch um die Menschen nicht zu hassen, /
muß ich den Umgang unterlassen.

Caspar David Friedrich
I have hope he's loving me in the back of his mind.

Time to leaf

für die Zukunft bestens geröstet

I do not have Alzheimer's 
I have 'some-timers'

Sometimes I remember
And sometimes I don't
tidied up my place. 
now, sitting here in desperation. 
because previously, everything was randomly piled up in its right place. 
now it lies neatly folded f@ck knows where...
I have no idea what that was all about, but I'm taking it as a compliment.

I told an 18year-old the other day that I used to get Netflix delivered to me in the Mail and I'm pretty sure he thought I was lying
Why is it, when people hear voices, it's like 'Go to MacDonalds and shoot everyone', and never, 'Go mow your neighbour's lawn', or 'Go bake your Mom a cake'?

(Two ghosts in a jail cell)*

'What are you in for? '

"Disturbing the peace- You?"

"Posession "
dating is a lot 
like sailing: 
it looks fun, 
it appears carefree, but it's pretty fucking complicated and very few people actually know what they're doing.


Slow Children At Play
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
A large group of other people's children is called a "Nope".

The best way to teach your children about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream

I did not go to his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved.

No country who emptied the shelves at the first sign of panic last year should look down their noses at people fleeing from actual war and terror.
20% words

80% gestures

Your celestial surname is the same as my dear departed sister's.

You are an inspiration to live life 
to the fullest.Your writing is inspirational and you are 
a brilliant speaker.

May you always continue to write stories about East AND West,and 
may your literary creations be remembered better than the rest.


You don't have to be crazy to come here-
we'll train you.

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 

and I could not have described it any better
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. 
But I would rather be alone with you.
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.