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Posts Liked by aye

All women are the same. They only have different faces so we can tell them apart.

2

I'm in a good shape.

Round is a shape.

6

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

5

There are inmates and there are convicts. So, which are you gonna be?

Me? I'm just passing through.

3

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

445

I don't like sad books or sad movies.

If I want sad I just have to look in the mirror.

5

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

494

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

1035

Silence is golden,
unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.

5

As a good citizen I regularly help elderly people cross the street by yelling "Hurry!"

47

hipsterrorist

15

Don't walk on the grass!

Smoke it!

6

Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.

8

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

Too dumb for science?
Try religion.

101

i hope your day is as nice as your butt.

7

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

295

sorry i can't go out tonight. i have to eat all the food in my house it may take awhile.

4

Is it genetically possible to remain silent when your wife does parallel parking?

9

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

583

We're going to buy a dog or have a child, but can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or our lives.

17

I've got nothing against God. It's his fan club that I can't stand.

36

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

2

death would be better than this.

2

Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlours & say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."

6

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

167

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

If you can't make it good, make it look good.

6

Wenn mich das Leben fickt, denke ich oft dabei an jemand anderen!

174

When I was a boy, my mom would send me to a corner shop with 1$ and I'd bring back 2 leaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, butter, cheese and some marmelade. You can't do that now... Too many fuckin' security cameras.

77

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot."

92

If women ruled this world, there would be no wars.

Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

202

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

416

Normal?

No one has ever accused me of doing that.

13

I tried a job in a sneakers factory, but I didn't fit in.

12

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

I THINK MORE PEOPLE WOULD BELIEVE IN JESUS TODAY, IF HE WAS A BACON WRAPPED, RAINBOW POOPING CAT.

20

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

788

"No, dad, I don't need new sneakers", said no teenager ever.

6

Before you criticize anyone, you should walk a mile in their sneakers.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their sneakers.

6

A man who can grow a beard is the kind of man you want to be with, because a man who has the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your shit.

7

I'm going to undo the duct tape for a minute so you can agree how romantic this is.

18

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!

19

THIS IS BY FAR YOUR MOST FUCKED UP IDEA EVER... I'LL BE THERE IN 10MINUTES.

208

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

462

Don't trust anyone that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

8

If you believe Canadians are nice and smart people, take a look at the way they're driving and change your mind.

6

Parenting 2.0:

Don't let your son get crucified.

11

SCREW PERFECTIO
N

51

Now we know why some animals eat their own children.

3

If I killed everyone who hates me, it wouldn't be a murder, it would be an apocalypse.

2

When I was a boy, I was told that anybody can become US President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

3

Anything that's unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

5

Next time your girlfriend wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station... It's a dollar fifty a liter.

6

If God made everything, then God must be Chinese.

6

I'm never wrong.
Once I thought I was wrong.
Turned out I was mistaken.

2

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

1

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and let the world wonder how the fuck you did it.

7

Jesus loves you.

Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

7

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

11

When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark.

Now when I get my electrical bill, I'm afraid of the light.

7

Help a man when he's in trouble and he'll remember you when he's in trouble again.

8

Whoever said nothing is impossible, clearly never tried stapling water to a tree!

7

If you see someone using a payphone, there is a 97% chance you can buy drugs from them.

6

The creative adult is the child who survived.

491

To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is missing, all is lost.

4

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

5

Life must be a very stupid joke, because I don't get it.

5

Extremists have shown what frightens them most. A girl with a book.

Malala Yousaf

59

Fuck what they say.
Watch what they do.

74

When a man says you're ugly, he's just being mean. When a woman says you're ugly, she's just jealous. When a child says you're ugly, you're ugly.

139

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

121

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