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Posts Liked by defiantOne

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

320

I said, "I love you" as I sat by him sipping my wine.
That's when he asked me, "is that you or the wine talking?"
I replied, "Oh, sorry. That was me talking to the wine."

160

When a man says you're ugly, he's just being mean. When a woman says you're ugly, she's just jealous. When a child says you're ugly, you're ugly.

139

I need more drinks and less light.

52

When already in a queue, and you see more 'queue' options...

Stick with your line, don't switch.

Karma takes Queue's seriously!

40

You are afraid to die, and you're afraid to live.
What a way to exist ..

82

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

58

It's so quiet in the office today, I can hear myself not working

86

i have bad news for anyone who's shaken my hand.

32

it's not you...

it's me.

but it's mostly you.

72

please god cure my hangover and i promise i will never drink again, also forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.

59

I love this time of the year. You can slam your laptop shut when the girlfriend walks into the room without getting a disgusted look

39

life should be more like hockey. when someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.

97

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

153

paradise is always a long way from home.

62

My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013 which I should've done in 2012 because I promised them in 2011 and planned in 2010.

139

So lets find a bar so dark we forget who we are.

74

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing"
It does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

146

You know that voice that says, "Don't do that"?

Yeah, I don't have one of those.

99

Always love a women for her personality.

They have like 10, so you can choose.

145

i've been single for a while and i have to say it's going very well.

i think i'm the one

168

People complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties.

95

I'm worried.

I think I might be a people person.

66

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent...

I never know what those fuckers are planning...

164

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

94

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

197

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

212

i sock at spelling

87

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

183

I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.

278

if you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar.

199

If I wanted to please everyone, I were born as Nutella

311

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

288

Porn titles always lack depth and imagination. Yes, we all know college girl is trying anal for the 1st time, but what's her major? Her dreams?

151

Right now, somebody is hard at work in a factory, shoving chocolate eggs up a bunny's ass, for you.

196

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

617

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

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