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Posts Liked by drizzling_jolt

Life is to short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

9

I have a
date with
a bath tub;
he's well hot.

28

People can see that I read their messages on whatsapp

Now I have to answer them

30

I can't decide
whether to surf the web with my smartphone
or my tablet
or my notebook

34

SOME PEOPLE LIVE UPSIDE DOWN, THEY LIKE TO TALK OUT THEIR ASS, AND THE ONLY THING THAT COMES OUT THEIR MOUTH IS SHIT.

7

SELFIE'S
ARE
A Lot Sadder
When
YOU
Think Of Them
AS ALONE-IES
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

82

Drop pants
not bombs.

137

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive:

"Hi".

159

AIN'T ...

NO WAY I ....

WAS BORN ...

JUST TO PAY ...

BILL'S ....

AND DIE ...

27

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

312

We read things so fast sometimes that we don't notice mistakes. It's like there's an autocorrect in our head fixing the words before we even read them.

47

People are crazy. I mean, just look at me.

144

Hey sorry I'm late I didn't want to come.

32

When the
username that you want is already taken

18

I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

30

Real Pain is when you offer somebody your Food just to be polite.....And They say Yes And Take It :-(

58

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

265

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

203

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

240

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

240

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

218

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

148

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

320

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

363

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

959

Only trust people who like big butts.

They cannot lie.

221

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.

163

This year I'm secretly stuffing the turkey with marijuana so everyone can relax and enjoy my cooking for once.

164

Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.

193

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