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Posts Liked by fdc

Call me old fashioned....

...but I think shorts should be longer than your vagina

18

I'm starting to think, the only thing Chinese people don't eat and that has legs...

...are chairs.

12

OH, so you wanna argue?
BRING IT.

i got my CAPS LOCK ON.

14

i didn't go to the gym today, but...
the cashier's name at mcdonalds was Jim, soo... same thing.

15

ALL THE DRUGS IN THIS WORLD WON'T SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF.

53

WANTED

motivation

even second hand

19

I THINK MY GUARDIAN ANGEL DRINKS.

29

I just updated iTunes, so I'm good for like 35 minutes.

31

"LSD can make you lose weight."

Makes sense. It's kind of hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.

65

Sometimes
we create our
own heartbreaks
through expectations •

48

A bicycle runs on fat and saves you money,

a car runs on money and makes you fat.

71

Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs.

51

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds!

48

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

53

*

I am a creature of the night.

29

Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.

238

I'll have a café mocha vodka valium latte to go please.

240

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

Irony is 15 year old mothers using protective covers on their smartphones

101

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

241

It's better to be late, than to arrive ugly.

190

Never trust a warm toilet seat

59

I HATE BEING
BIPOLAR
IT IS AWESOME

340

Let's go for a rum!

76

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

325

Calm down, browser.
I cant make a connection either.

128

How am I meant to control my life I can’t even control my hair

125

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

111

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

367

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

1546

"be strong"

I whispered to my wifi signal

31

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

273

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

455

If brains were taxed, you would get a rebate.

8

this song is amazing.
i must play it until i hate it.

15

took a nude photo of myself. with the lights off.

you're welcome.

34

Stalking is all fun & games until you accidently press the Like-button.

45

Yeah, you're pretty from a distance...
at night... under a rock.

115

"i'm a ninja"

"no, you're not"

"did you see me do that?"

"do what?"

"exactly"

42

I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD

(unfortunately
it's Buddha)

8

how do you feel when there is no coffee?

depresso.

87

Chemically speaking, alcohol is a solution.

22

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