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Posts Liked by FreshLemon

first law of newton:

a body at rest wants to stay at rest, so let me sleep instead of forcing me to go to school

27

me no study,
me no care,
me go marry billionaire.

if he die,
me no cry,
me go marry another guy.

24

Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things.

It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

37

you
+me
+nutella
-you
----------------
= happiness

42

1998 is as far away as 2030

39

a lot of adults make fun of our generation but sometimes they forget that they're the ones who raised it

108

spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon

70

if you're still looking for that one person to change your life, take a look in the mirror

71

etc.

end of thinking capacity

90

ladies, if you think your man is cheating take him to that bitch's frontdoor and see if his wifi connects automatically

108

a virgin getting pregnant, l can believe. but three wise men?

85

I said, "I love you" as I sat by him sipping my wine.
That's when he asked me, "is that you or the wine talking?"
I replied, "Oh, sorry. That was me talking to the wine."

160

if i had 1$ for everytime i got called beautiful i'd have 1$

thanks mom

117

there's a little truth behind every
"just kidding"
a little curiosity behind every
"just wondering"
a little knowledge behind every
"i don't know"
and a little emotion behind every
"i don't care"

129

There is a company called Kia & a company called Nokia.
I'm not sure who to believe.

77

your bumper sticker will not change my mind

78

do not wear your mistletoe belt buckle to your office christmas party!!

76

In 1814 Women had no rights

In 1914 Women fought for some rights

In 2014 Women are always fucking right

222

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

201

My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitch in tampon commercials.

237

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

265

Let's be nothing, I heard it lasts forever.

310

Can't wait for the day some kid grows up and sues their parents for plastering their face all over the Internet.

194

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

You know it's cold out when you fall down and dent the ground with your nipples.

153

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

255

YOUR
PHONE SCREEN
IS BRIGHTER THAN YOUR FUTURE.

275

Keep trying to raise the bar.
Even when they try to use it, to beat the shit out of you.

161

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