Posts Liked by kylesman

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

I love that stage
in a friendship where you can start insulting them.

My neighbors liked my music so much they invited the police over to listen to it.

How to make
an idiot wait?

I will tell you later…..

1. nimm denn letzen titel des filmes den du gehen hast
2. ersetze ein wort durch "penis"
3. posten

I HOPE SHE BUYS YOU FLOWERS
I HOPE SHE HOLDS YOUR HAND

ich will nicht brav sein! ich will spielen! mit deinen brüsten !

"What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.”

- Super Mario

it took
7 million
dollars to
build the
titanic

and
200 million
dollars to
make a film
about it

Just remember if we get caught, you are deaf and I don't speak English.

CALORIES

{noun}

small creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night

$R2D2 C3PO /~\ | oo ) _\=/_ ____ / _ \ / () \ / / | /.\ | \ \ __|______|__ \ \ \_/ | | | | === | | \ | \ / | | | |_ | Z | _| # _ _ / # | | o | | | | | | |__ J __| | | | | |~ \___/ ~| [] | [] /=\ /=\ /=\ | | | __[_]__[_]__[_]________/_]__[_\___________$

Kein Alkohol am Steuer. Ein Schlagloch und man verschüttet alles.

authentic:

to be honest and genuine without being offensive

I want
to sleep
but my brain won't stop
talking to itself •

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris Pajamas.

"Truth or dare"

should be
renamed to..

"Interrogation
or Humiliation"

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. then it exploded.

I hate it when someone starts asking me questions just after waking up •

your beliefs don't make you a better person.

your behavior does.

I hate when people sit in front of you at the movies & take away your foot rest.

I WANT A NICE BODY BUT THEN LIKE... FOOD.

for all the bolders who want to learn Swissgerman:

great = huärä gäil
boring = langwiilig
sleep = penne
crap = schiise
horse = rössli (-> lasagne)
work/school = omehoke
WEEKEND = WEEKEND

Q( - _-)_____¦___o__Q(-_ - )

Ping Pong Match..

Everyone's curious

But no one really cares.

I wish my pillow could collect my dreams and when I wake up I could plug it into my computer and watch them over again •

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I am still here and its by the GRACE of God.

What are you? Are you a Follower of Jesus? Or are you a Fan of Jesus?

I want a man who would do anything to keep me.

the best
type of
writings are
the ones
that can be

felt.

Coffee is not just a beverage..
it is a cup of liquid sanity •

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

P.M.

How many bottles you had already, you can now see my ghost?

Why don't poor people just buy more money?

work is work. fun is fun. and everything else... magic

FACT:

You spend more time waiting for the doctor than actually seeing them •

you are successful from the day you are born.

why is education near to last on the American agenda?

IDIOTITIS:

A disease which causes the brain to shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands are affected. Might be contagious.

Best defense:
Slap and run!

loo? ?ool ??? si????

..but BOLD is way cooler!

Most of my mornings consist of me trying to avoid any human interaction •

Everything is made in China. Except babies. They are made in vaChina.

$_==/ i i \==_ /XX/ |\___/| \XX\ /XXXX\ |XXXXX| /XXXX\ |XXXXXX\_ _XXXXXXX_ _/XXXXXX| XXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXX |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX/ ^ ^ ^ ^ " \XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX/ ^ ^ ^^ \XXXXXX |XXX| \XXX/ ^ ^ \XXXXX/ ^ ^ \XXX/ |XXX| \XX\ \X/ \XXX/ \X/ /XX/ "\ " \X/ " /"$

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

you can't have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time