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Posts Liked by livi9100

I've got hoes, in different area codes.

7

Just don't waste my time.

16

I thought cats had teats...

7

Grind my thoughts into crop circles.
Take me to the moon.
Let me probe you. Friday...

6

I don't crack the jokes because my heart is sad.
I crack the jokes, because yours might be.

13

When our roads converge again, I'm just going to do you against the nearest tree.

13

The dog who played "Toto" in The Wizard of Oz (1939) was paid more, per week, than the actors playing "The Munchkins."

12

Because, put on the spot, there'd be only your silence, to perform.

8

I don't approve of political jokes

I've seen too many of them get elected.

153

Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.

145

10 years from now,
will it still matter?

15

renamed my ipod the Titanic, so when i plug it in, it says "the Titanic is syncing" he he

213

The most amazing people are the ones that don't speak much, but when they do, they shut up a lot of mouths.

295

Maybe she's not on her period... Maybe you are just an asshole....

256

Get out of my head and fall into my arms instead.

215

If I give you my love, friendship, understanding, and/or trust,
and you choose to abuse it, for folly,
my feelings are hurt,
but my soul is intact.
My soul, is stronger, in fact.
Yours is damaged.
Yours is weaker.

30

The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

261

There is a pretty good chance I'll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people.

5

I have mixed drinks about feelings. ..

144

if i had 1$ for everytime i got called beautiful i'd have 1$

thanks mom

200

Trust your heart, it beat before you were able to think!

230

Lets lay in bed all day, and trade sexual favours, for trips to the fridge.

146

damn.

don't you hate it when you think you're out buying organic veggies and when you get home you realize they're just regular donuts?

makes me mad.

138

We have so much in common. You want to travel, & I want you to go.

6

People don't want to hear about your diet.

Just eat your lettuce, and be sad.

196

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints.

206

Just saw a butterfly with a girl tattooed on its lower back.

147

IF YOU FALL, I'LL BE THERE.

-FLOOR

6

Whoever created the five day work week was probably friends with the asshole that invented pants.

141

There is a pretty good chance I'll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people.

178

And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you, and I wish I could run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don't,

I almost do.

235

LiFe'S a BiTcH...sO LeArN hOw To FuCk It!

14

Kiss me like your ex is watching

256

There's no stronger sunscreen than sitting at the bar.

111

I don't care that they stole my idea.. I care that they don't have any of their own.

4

I'm a woman. I don't know what I want, but I get mad if I don't get it.

7

So you think I'm weird?

That's ok, you'll be sure in a minute.

24

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up.

No, the other one...

195

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

577

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

1546

Do I have to wake up?

I just woke up yesterday.

9

Every time I mow my lawn I wonder how many shrunk kids are running for their lives.

4

It takes a long road to achieve a driving license...

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- - - - - - - - - - - - -
--------------------

5

I do not like you

You will never be grilled cheese

You make my mouth sad

91

I really hate that 'not good enough' feeling •

11

She told me, "fuck you"
And I replied, "Okay. When?"
I have a black eye

6

When you're distracted by someone, it's easy to fall up the stairs. Yeah.

3

Never depend on someone else to make you happy, that's what alcohol is for.

222

My favorite part of the World Cup is shots of crying people.

3

ME, MY PILLOW AND
MY BED

2

It's nude o'clock.

3

and I drink to myself...

what a wonderful world

189

There comes a point in your life when you realize:who matters, who never did, who want any more and who always will. .

3

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