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Posts Liked by mel_K

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

222

"Either way, it's very disconcerting when people who've been inside your vagina don't acknowledge your existence."

6

i'm in love with my concept of you

10

Our break up was due to religious differences.

He thought he was God.

I didn't.

64

i wish i could re ex you

8

Out of all the donuts in this world, I chose to donut care.

10

"I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna exercise everyday. I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it." ..........
"Is that cake?"

19

Not friends nor enemies.

Just strangers with memories.

65

ohne dich ist die tollste stadt deutschlands nicht mal halb so toll. freue mich, wenn du wieder da bist!

1

your problem:

you give a shit now, and i don't

11

This vodka tastes like I'll be texting you later.

17

my "i hate you" face must look very similar to my "tell me more" face.
i'll have to work on that.

85

Oh, you're dating my ex?

Cool, I'm eating a sandwich.
Want those leftovers too?

75

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm someones double vodka!

108

Twerking and Selfie have been added to the dictionary.

Future and Hope have been removed...

75

my ex has one very annoying habit.

breathing.

96

ALCOHOL DOESN'T CAUSE HANGOVERS WAKING UP DOES

76

a relationship without trust is like a phone without service

what do you do with a phone without service? you play games

138

Men who say women belong in the kitchen obviously dont know what to do with them in the bedroom.

100

sHE is
brOKen

62

Relationships
without sex
are like happy
meals without
toys •

74

BACTERIA
THE
ONLY
CULTURE
SOME
PEOPLE
HAVE

68

Sometimes I use big words I don't always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

92

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

121

they say, 1 out of every 3 people cheat in a relationship.

not sure if it's my husband or my boyfriend

89

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again

101

I can't tell you how many times I've had to cancel a date because my dog keeps dying.

57

The most difficult part about walking away from someone is realizing that they don't care enough to attempt to stop you.

162

teeth:
because blow jobs need to come with a gentle reminder of who's really in charge

95

Always love a women for her personality.

They have like 10, so you can choose.

145

love is tears between hearts

50

If men could get pregnant, not only abortion would be legal, but birth control would be free, mandatory and bacon-flavored

80

That moment when you must recorrect auto correct correcting you, to properly swear in a text message.

101

not single but in love with freedom

127

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

230

I celebrate diversity

I have all kinds of problems

119

"How do you know when it's over?"

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing right in front of you."

256

Let's get drunk and fall in love every other weekend.

243

We're going to buy a dog or have a child, but can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or our lives.

188

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

Wenn mich das Leben fickt, denke ich oft dabei an jemand anderen!

174

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

928

Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

590

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

1035

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

470

Ironically, the fight between the mind and the heart always ends up hurting the liver.

417

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

734

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