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Posts Liked by mishfish94

Dear Life,
when I said,
'Can my day get any worse',
it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

86

Hier im Büro sind wir alle zweisprachig.

Bis zum ersten Kaffee reden wir fließend Zombie, danach allmählich Deutsch.

31

I don't care.
I love it :)

17

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That's why girls wear make up and boys lie.

63

Als Gott dem Mistkäfer seinen Aufgabenbereich zuteilte, sagte dieser:

"Scheissjob.
Dann will ich aber
so eine blaue
Metalliclackierung !"

27

Mein Schlafrhythmus sitzt mit dem Monster unter dem Bett und pokert.

33

Hab jetzt schon mal ein Zettelchen unters Bett geklebt. Für das Monster. Es darf heute Nacht mit mir oben schlafen. Bin einsam.

26

Einfach mal mit Ritterrüstung aus dem Lift kommen und rufen:

"Bei König Arthur, die Zeitmaschine funktioniert!"

21

90% of my socks are single, and you don't see them crying about it

105

sometimes, the best form of birthcontrol is a good lighting.

45

"I don't think I could stab anyone. Let's be honest, I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun".

84

Meinen Facebook Namen in Keinem geändert.

Den Morgen damit verbracht Sachen zu liken.

"Keinem gefällt das."

Muhahaha !

29

look,
my middlefinger
likes you

57

everytime you speak, i can feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one

126

I wouldn't say you're stupid.

You are.
But I wouldn't say it.

129

I don't like ice cream.

I love it.

27

I just awesomed all over the place.

428

better
to loose
a lover
than
to love
a loser

134

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

145

B F D
OPEN GOLD U FREE
L U I A C A E
DART NERD K REAP

30

to me 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.

106

If I can see you, you're invading my personal space.

22

Frauen denken an sich (,) selbst zuletzt.

13

Where can
I download motivation?

27

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

360

Rule of Algebra:

If it seems easy, you're probably doing it wrong.

33

Generally, I'm a very nice person.

Just don't push the asshole button.

58

I'm not ignoring your calls. I just enjoy my ringtone.

95

It doesn't matter how old you are - if a ballon is about to hit the floor, you dive for that shit.

57

I hate it when my phone decides to randomly jump out of my hand and attack the floor •

67

I love listening to lies when I know the truth...

226

We'll always be friends, you know too much.

132

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

577

i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.

533

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

259

I never really grow up, I only learn how to act in public.

18

"Message sent failed. Would you like to retry?" Well, obviously, I was sending it for a reason...!

2

Dear icebergs, sorry to hear about global warming, karma is a bitch. Sincerely, the Titanic.

10

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.

12

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

17

I'm out of bed -
what more do you want?

11

Life begins after coffee

121

Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 32 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 1. Now close your eyes.

It's dark, isn't it?

109

You and I are more than friends.
We are like a really small gang.

27

5

high

29

A PUSH UP BRA IS LIKE A BAG OF CHIPS, YOU OPEN IT AND IT'S HALF EMPTY

3

You make me wish I had more middle fingers.

26

Askhole- A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

77

wenn du nicht überzeugen kannst, stifte wenigstens Verwirrung

44

Monday? I told you to fuck off last week

115

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