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Posts Liked by karamojo

I'm so glad to be one of those people who can listen to music without jogging...

18

At my funeral, take the flowers off my coffin and throw them into the crowd, to see who is next.

32

IT IS ONLY WHEN A MOSQUITO LANDS ON YOUR TESTICLES THAT YOU REALIZE THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY TO SLOVE PROBLEMS WITHOUT USING VIOLENCE. . . . . . !

17

never forget the music that raised your soul

50

I asked her, do you want to see me naked?

Yes, she answered.

I released my soul, she ran screaming her way.

33

Everybody turns to stare,
on this beautiful derriere.

23

Logic and reason have no foothold in a world overrun by idiots.

63

Adulthood means complaining about everything and everyone until you die.

37

I HATE TO CANCEL.

I KNOW WE MADE PLANS TO GET TOGETHER TONIGHT,
BUT THAT WAS TWO HOURS AGO,

I WAS YOUNGER THEN AND FULL OF HOPE.

82

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.

62

I wish that I had my shit together as much as people who can prepare their lunch the-day-before...

44

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.

~Spanish proverb

55

it's so hard being a single mother when you don't have any kids and you're a male.

68

A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.

74

Ignoring truths for temporary happiness

64

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

70

isn't it funny
how we slowly turn into bitter ones,
while we try to become
better ones?

52

If you've had sex with less than 12 people, people that have had sex with you belong to a more exclusive club than those who have walked on the moon.

54

I can't stop drinking about
you.

91

I'd love to steal all your tomorrows and be all your todays.

80

I rarely do what I want and even more rarely what I should.

72

women don't fart. They however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn's laughter and smell like rainbows.

57

Someone might as well dress me as a donkey and attach a carrot on a long stick to my head and call it a boyfriend.

48

Add love, subtract hate, divide the happiness among people and multiply it by infinity.

72

Chaos, panic and disorder.

My work here is done.

72

I have acid rain in my brain
and it's killing the flowers in my heart

71

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
But, if the white runs out,
I'll drink the red....

69

lieber sekt saufen und rumbumsen, als abwarten und tee trinken!

15

Its the
eyes that
tell.

Not the
smile.

83

Trust me...
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be this sexy.
But hey, shit happens.

92

All those rivers i've
cried make me
cry another
one.

62

Vielleicht ist nicht der Montag Scheiße, sondern unsere Jobs?

24

They tried to bury us

They didn't know we were seeds...

86

Love is a blind whore with a mental disease and no sense of humor

65

YOU REALLY
CAN'T HEAR
THE WATER
WITHOUT
THE WIND

47

Gerade Alkoholtest gemacht.

Vertrage alle gängigen Sorten.

25

Oh what a lovely day. Everything's still stupid and we're
all dying.

68

Nothing is scarier than the people who try to find easy answers to complicated questions.

92

Let's just stay here a little while.
Between reality and dream.
Between heaven and hell.
Between normality and madness.

90

“I guess sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.”

97

I was originally against getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

82

Because my love for you is beyond words, I decided to shut up.

88

Be happy when the world doesn't want you to be

75

I'm not good at push ups, pull ups, or sit ups.

I'm pretty good at fuck ups tho.

100

Und darum prüfe wer sich ewig bindet, ob sich nicht noch was Besseres findet.

16

I share, therefore I am.

45

She was beautiful and kind. her name is death and she is more alone than all of us, she shows Mercy for the weary hearted and sickest Minds. we take walks from time to time amongst the tombs of long forgotten souls.. we have long talks about those below our feet or above as ghosts but when we speak of the Dead she always holds my
hand to let me know I am not one of the Damned.

67

fear hides within the shadows of hate.

71

a wise woman once said "fuck this shit"...

and she lived happily ever after

88

Das Leben ist zu kurz, um den USB-Stick gesichert rauszunehmen.

24

Wenn die These hinkt,
tanzt die Schwafelei.

26

Life is very beautiful...., when you know how to celebrate your pain...

70

None are so empty as those who are full of themselves

84

uncertain times
demand love.

56

Ich trinke nur an Tagen, die auf G enden. Und Mittwochs.

17

I pretend to like people everyday. It's called being an adult, and that is why we are allowed to buy alcohol.

77

gonna spice things up this weekend with a little hiding alone in my room

51

Words may be as capable of spreading hate and starting wars, but, I still think they're far superior to
guns and bombs,
for spreading
peace, love, and understanding.

66

It's lonely at the top, but cars look like ants which is cool.

47

bring colour to my skies

55

Take nothing
but memories,
leave nothing
but footprints.

81

Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks 'what the hell are you doing?'

94

what did the elephant say to the nude man? "it's cute,but can it pick up peanuts?"

71

Your current situation is not your final destination. That's difficult to believe sometimes.

103

The hearts sunrise is the night's sunset.

51

Und morgens vorm Spiegel die Frage: Restaurieren oder unter Denkmalschutz stellen?

27

Go and find the sun

Ask it to shed some light on humanity

62

One word of truth is worth more than a thousand words of polite chitchat

62

C A $ H H U $ T L E R W O R K H A R D P L A Y H A R D

35

The circus in my head is getting bigger.

Go get some more popcorn.

56

I'm no good at love poems.
I just want you to know that you make my pee-pee feel funny.

56

Too alien for earth, too human for outer space.

83

Going insane and not coming back...

73

Some people come into our lives to teach us not to be like them.

117

count from one
to ten.

then let's hide our feelings for each other.

58

don't lower your expectations
just slower your expectations

81

Remember the good ol days when you would just ask a guy if he had a girlfriend or wife and now you gotta make sure he ain't voting Trump.

67

Your happiness is the greatest revenge against those who bring you down.

86

LOVE IS LOVE.
HATE IS A CHOICE.

86

Sometimes we are like stars.

We fall.

Only so someone's wish can come true.

86

What the fuck do birds have to be so happy about at 5am?

124

i like people with emotional and intellectual depth, people who speak with passion from their inner twisted mind.

87

Never be afraid to speak your own truth.

87

Nature is busy
creating absolutely
unique individuals,
whereas culture
has invented a
single mould to
which all must
conform. It is
grotesque.

77

stell dir vor es ist montag und keiner geht hin.

19

I'd rather die my way than live yours.

83

Don't forget to neglect your real life while trying to make strangers on the internet laugh today.

76

Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.

70

LIFE IS TO SHORT TO WAKE UP IN A BAD MOOD..
I SAVE MINE UNTIL I GO TO WORK ;-)

14

I STARTED OUT WITH NOTHING.... I STILL HAVE SOME OF IT LEFT.

27

I need you to love me a little louder today.

96

When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.

93

I feel fucked,
but in a good way.

33

You don't love someone for theirs looks, or theirs clothes, or their fancy ear, but because they sing a song only you can hear.

35

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

It's not hard.

33

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be.

15

There are millions of people out there that would love to live the shitty days like yours.

65

Some people can't see their ups until they go deep down.

68

And if I asked you to name all the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself ?

98

Die Sorge, dass ich wegen der blöden Autokorrektur eines Tages etwas versautes schreibe, wichst täglich.

36

the real fun is offside.

43

MOVE FAST,
TRAVEL SLOW.

59

Manchmal schlafe ich so tief, dass ich am Morgen im Keller aufwache.

24

till death do us party

62

Always remember to fall asleep with a dream and wake up with a purpose

93

Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.

117

wie gefährlich ist vernunft?

21

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

83

Hearts bigger than egos.

Sexy as fuck.

60

Does darkness see me?

69

fantasizing about you was the best fuck I never had

100

In life and travel

Take only what You can carry

100

Das ist kein dicker Bauch, das ist ein Feinkostgewölbe

32

my old soul will never give up. fuck the new world, if i lose an arm and a leg ill gladly be wearing a hook and a peg

47

Geduld ist was für Anfänger!

Ich raste lieber gleich komplett aus.

30

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.

111

Autocorrect has not yet learned how much I swear and how little I talk about ducks.

87

There's nothing like the look on the face of a woman who has just entered a coffee shop and is praying you are not her Tinder date

64

The hands of friendship have no color.

232

I almost had an "I need a guy moment" but then I was able to get the vodka open.

234

Manchmal denk ich wirklich, ich bin ein Stuhl und muss mit jedem Arsch klarkommen.

41

I just don't have the energy to shit butterflies and piss rainbows today.

178

Summer is here. I'm so excited. I wet my plants.

125

Unter der Dusche fast beim Gähnen ertrunken!

Leben am Limit!

54

Wenn mir langweilig ist, lege ich Pärchen beim Einkaufen Schwangerschaftstests in den Einkaufswagen und beobachte, was passiert.

44

Be careful who you make memories with, those things can last forever.

235

the question is not what you look at, but what you see

147

Wir kaufen dinge die wir nicht brauchen, von Geld das wir nicht haben, um Menschen zu beindrucken, die wir nicht mögen.

33

I will never be a morning person.

The moon and i are too much in love.

176

If it takes someone 12 minutes to get the straw into the Capri Sun, this should give you some indication as to what they are like in bed.

Back away slowly, then run fast, run far.

145

Mit der Jogginghose bin ich ungefähr so oft gejoggt, wie ich mit der Küchenrolle durch die Küche gerollt bin.

56

Never ask a woman her age. Or her weight. Or anything. Just stare, breathe and hope for the best.

198

to avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

162

If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whos funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, 'haven't decided yet.'

247

he who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool

87

PLEASE DO NOT FEED
THE FEARS

109

Aufstehen ist der erste Schritt in die falsche Richtung.

32

Es ist wirklich hart ein Kaktus zu sein, ständig bist du spitz und keiner will dich anfassen.

34

Wer morgens zerknittert aufwacht hat den Tag über jede Menge Möglichkeiten zur Entfaltung

36

An die Person, die meine Schuhe versteckt hat während ich auf der Hüpfburg war:

Werd erwachsen!

35

Sometimes I want to go back to the days of cartoons, snacks, and naps. Then I remember...coffee, liquor, and porn.

100

Sport gibt Dir das Gefühl, dass Du nackt besser aussiehst.

Tequila übrigens auch.

52

I'm only avoiding you because you stole my yogurt in a dream I had

91

unprotected sleep

Turning off your alarm clock and immediately going back to sleep, risking not waking up for a job, class, or other daily task.

92

Wären meine Pläne aus Hefe würden sie wenigstens aufgehen.

53

Whatever happens..

Don't use the bathroom in your dreams..

It's a setup!

116

If you ever feel powerless, remember that a single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a whole restaurant.

115

If you think I talk too much, let me know..

So we can talk about it!

115

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

122

Es gibt größere Dinge als unser Einkommen;
zum Beispiel unsere Ausgaben.

34

s i g o i
o s c
m d b u
e o j e l
t u t
i t s d
m h t i
e i f
s n t f

102

Ich: Soll ich es kaufen?
Kopf: Nein! Konto: Nein! Partner: Nein!
Universum: Nein!
Ich: Gekauft!

45

Interessanterweise haben ja Leute mit total wenig Ahnung immer sehr viel Meinung.

74

sometimes all you need is 1 million dollar and a new identity.

170

You know you're fucked when those late night thoughts start hitting you in the middle of the day..

162

the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

134

I need a glass of wine.
Or a bottle.
Or a winery in Italy.

185

3 erschreckende Fakten des Tages:

Heute ist kein Freitag.
Morgen ist kein Freitag.
Übermorgen ist kein Freitag.

60

I TRY TO BE A
NICE PERSON...
BUT SOMETIMES
MY MOUTH
DOESN'T
COOPERATE.

219

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

140

Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said " That's us in ten years".

He said "That's a mirror, dipshit!"

108

Zersplitterte Smartphone-Displays sind die aufgeschürften Knie der heutigen Jugend.

51

the bad news is:
time flies...

the good news is:

you are the pilot.

111

Eins muss ich ja meiner Müdigkeit lassen:
Kondition hat sie.

38

Früher war alles besser.
Gestern zum Beispiel,
da war Sonntag.

32

Yesterday I lost a good friend to a tragic accident. They got their finger caught in a wedding ring.

114

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

Wenn mir langweilig ist, schreibe ich eine SMS an eine fremde Nummer mit:
“Leiche vergraben, was jetzt?“

40

Wenn das die Lösung ist,
dann hätte ich gerne mein Problem wieder.

47

Verlasse dich auf dein Herz, es schlug schon bevor du denken konntest!

34

The only thing worse than being blind is having sight, but lacking vision.

104

Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

135

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

188

Noch keine 30 Jahre alt und schon mitten in der Nightlife Crisis.

22

THOSE WHO STIR THE SHITPOT SHOULD LICK THE SPOON

94

HOME IS WHERE YOUR BAUCH DOESN'T HAVE TO BE EINGEZOGEN

73

Gähnen ist ein stiller Schrei nach Kaffee.

55

Ich habe keine Ahnung, was mein Bürokollege beruflich macht.

67

Sometimes
sharing a
shower is all we can do to
help the environment

102

Hab nachgemessen

Wochenende
war zu kurz

51

My boss told me to have a nice day. So I went home.

171

whenever you feel getting pulled into other people's nonsense, repeat these words :

Not my circus.
Not my monkeys.

147

I don't know if I'm hungry, but I'm going to eat anyway...just in case

110

Manchmal wünsche ich mir die Ruhe und Gelassenheit eines Stuhles...

Der muss auch mit jedem Arsch zurecht kommen.

32

Ich sehe ein Licht, jetzt brauche ich nur noch einen Tunnel.

23

Man kann auch glänzen, wenn man gar keinen Schimmer hat.

41

When I was a
baby, an evil fairy cursed me with
an expensive taste and no money.

113

I haven't lost my mind... half of it just wandered off, and the other half went looking for it...

132

Der Freitag war komplett im Eimer, als ich merkte dass erst Dienstag ist...

45

Wer schwankt hat mehr vom Weg.

41

stats show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. looks like i'm in store for a wild December !

89

Katzen würden Whisky saufen.

22

Wer ist eigentlich dieser Lars Krismes?

41

I don't need an inspirational quote, what I need is a freaking cup of coffee!

70

Ich gebe mein Geld hauptsächlich an der Bar aus. Heisst ja nicht umsonst "Bargeld".

46

bin gleich zurück. giesse nur schnell meine neurosen.

22

You better hope that Santa doesn't see your browser history

98

Schläft der Koala weniger als 18 Stunden am Tag, stirbt er an Erschöpfung.

26

heute morgen spiele ich teppich: ich bleibe schön liegen!

26

A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of talking about each other....

132

The most annoying thing about people is remembering you are one of them.

119

"Sag mir die
magischen
drei Worte."

"Morgen
ist Freitag."

31

If you're easy to get . . .

You'll be easy to forget . . .

123

I’m starting to think I’m white enough to play Michael Jackson.

61

I have never done this before

so I'm confident
I can do it

76

IT'S GOING TO BE ONE
OF THOSE DAYS.

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE FIGHTING.
MY IMAGINARY
FRIEND IS RUNNING WITH SCISSORS.
AND ONE OF MY
PERSONALITIES WANDERED OFF.

96

2 von 3 Stimmen in meinen Kopf wollen endlich einschlafen. Die andere will wissen, ob Pinguine ein Knie haben.

42

There's something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty.

109

Als Single hungert man sich dünn, um einem anderen schlanken Menschen zu gefallen, mit dem man dann gemeinsam fett werden kann.

24

Ich hätte so vieles werden können im Leben. Und was bin ich heute?

Müde.

37

Everyone wants to be heard in their silence

131

If you had a bad day, don't take it out on me.

Unless we're both naked.

115

Sleep is the only time we feel real freedom in life.

Because there are
no rules in the world of dreams...

113

I'm asking my self, if it's too late to wrap my self like a baby and lay down at the front door of a rich family...

114

the nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does

97

Hast du diese Woche schon was vor?

Ich warte auf Freitag.

20

Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.

99

i was born crying, I live complaining and I will die unsatisfied

2

I slept with your mom!
I slept with your mom!
I slept with your mom!

Shut up dad, you're drunk!

96

What to do? My dog reads my mind and my parrot talks behind my back...

50

I wish I could clone myself so I could kill one and blame the other.

71

Some days I just want somebody to hug me and say, "I know it's hard. You're going to be okay. Here's coffee and 6 million dollars."

139

Sometimes, you just have to play the role of fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

131

Ich bin an einem Punkt angelangt, an dem es nur einen Ausweg gibt, und das ist ein dicker, fetter Lottogewinn.

19

Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist.

132

It wasn't perfect,
it didn't make sense,
but that was the
beauty of it.

118

Wieso sind Menschen eigentlich immer nur mit ihrem Aussehen unzufrieden und nie mit ihrem Hirn?

45

If you consider the price per kilo,
the powder in a Nespresso capsule should be white.

100

My gf told me: “Sex is better on holiday”. That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

95

be mine or make me yours

119

If you think the Mount Everest is high, come and see my Mount Laundry!

105

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

133

Lieber Augenringe als gar kein Schmuck!

24

I moaned and complained once because I had no shoes...Then I met a man who had no feet...And I bowed my head with shame for my complaints

74

Und was machen wir jetzt?

Jetzt kaufen wir uns ein Fernglas.

Und dann?

Dann schauen wir weiter.

34

I'm not crazy, my reality is just diffrent from yours

120

the words you speak become the house you live in

80

Eine Idee kann man nicht mit einem Gewehr töten. Um eine Idee zu töten, muss man eine bessere haben.

16

sugar melts in the rain
Sadly shit floats

77

I've finally accepted the fact that my behavior will never catch up with my age.

130

That satisfying moment when you watch two stupid people argue then decide to tell them to pause so you can go get some popcorn.

71

if you like having sex while listening to music - always choose a live album. that way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

116

Faulheitsregel #2186

Ist die Strecke länger als das Auto, wird gefahren.

31

If you see me eating a salad in a restaurant, I've been kidnapped and I am trying to signal you!

131

ain't it funny that someday i'll be a couple of photos you forgot to delete

97

Mi papá tiene 47 años.
= My dad is 47 years old.

Mi papa tiene 47 anos.
= My potato has
47 assholes.

I love Spanish!

121

horngry

93

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'Beautiful'

Bitches love being called beautiful.

102

Früher war ich weit und breit der Schönste.

Heute bin ich weit und breit.

29

Alles, was ich über Einsamkeit weiss, habe ich am Infoschalter im Baumarkt gelernt.

31

I refuse to go bungee jumping. ..I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I ain't leaving because of one

126

I'm an animal in bed.

More specifically a koala. I can sleep up to 22 hours a day.

146

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