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Finally realized I was never asking for too much, I was just asking the wrong person.
Time stretches and squeezes.
Stars realign.
The universe conspires, 
manoeuvres, orchestrates.

And here you are, thinking people meet by coincidence.
Most people write 'congrats' because they don't know the spelling of 'congrajoolashions'.
I believe we were all born to be real, not perfect!
Valentine's Day Idea:

Let's go bar hopping and fake a proposal in each one so people buy us drinks all night and we get drunk for free

My body
My rights
I'm your masseuse for a tragic ending.
Let's just get there... We can live a little on the way back.




I thinkValentine's Day and April Fool's Day mean the same thing most of the time.

LIFE HAS IT'S
UP'S AND DOWNS, 
WE CALL THEM SQUATS!
It's difficult being a realistic hopeless romantic...
i think i may need professional help. . .
a chef,a butler and a maid should do it.
"Verstehst Du mich akustisch nicht oder intellektuell?"
   PAPERCUT:



A TREE'S FINAL MOMENT OF REVENGE.
What consumes your mind, 
controls your life.
I'm having some people over Sunday afternoon to stare at their phones.






You're all welcome 
if you can spare the time.
A detective asked me where I was between 4 and 6?

Kindergarten I guess, why?
Stress is caused by giving a Fuck
European measles outbreak sees record number of cases in 2018.
Screaming for no reason is an effective way of making sure your colleagues avoid you.








When did 
simply walking 
the same way, 
become following?





We're all on the same boat,
just different seats.









Eine Windmühle ist auch nur ein Luftschloss.
To protect your energy; it's okay to cancel a commitment, it's okay not to answer a call. It's okay to 
change your mind. It's okay
to want to be alone. It's 
okay to do nothing. It's 
okay to speak up.

It's okay to let go.
   PAPERCUT:



A TREE'S FINAL MOMENT OF REVENGE.
Ich bin nicht abergläubisch,



das bringt Unglück.
DJT "There is a National crisis concerning the flow of illegal drugs and criminals entering our country at the border and I am  taking the steps necessary in order to protect our citizens."

Flies to Mira Largo for a weekend of golf and High Balls...

Some 'emergency', eh?
jeder geht in sein bett.
er geht in sein bett. und sie geht in sein bett.
If you have to explain the joke it probably wasn't funny to begin with
"Verstehst Du mich akustisch nicht oder intellektuell?"
Every decision you have ever made in life has led you to read this post
"Wo willst Du noch hin?"
"Ich denke, ich will in mein Bett...wo willst Du denn noch hin?"
"Ich will auch in Dein Bett!"
For a cat, being drenched in water must be like feeling wet socks all over their body



either everything is fate or nothing is


If I could arrive to some places drunk, I would.
There's the face you present, and then there's the reality of who you actually are inside.

My body
My rights
"Wenn ich jetzt nicht sofort was zu Essen bekomme, dann raste ich aber so was von aus!", schimpfte die kleine Schnecke, kroch in ihr Haus und schaute in ihrer Vorratskammer nach.
Do you remember the part of Trump 2016 rallies where he'd talk about the Wall, and then smile, and say, "And who will pay for it?"  

And the crowd would chant:

"U.S. disaster victims and troops when Trump diverts funding from them as part of a faux national emergency!"



CONFUSE YOUR DOCTOR BY PUTTING ON RUBBER GLOVES THE SAME TIME HE DOES!
Dein Veranstalltungstipp fürs Wochenende:





DEPRIDISKO!
frühling
im
winter
Things 
Often Happen
Gradually
And then
Suddenly.
Weltunordnung.
I don't ever want to be the guy who's always telling people what they are doing right or wrong. 

But if I do have some insight I try to be fair about sharing it and see if we can get each other better.
The egoistic see comments as insults. 
The humble see how they can improve.
NEVER PICK A FIGHT WITH A WOMAN OVER 40....
THEY ARE FULL OF RAGE AND SICK OF EVERYONES SHIT ;-)
There is a glory in humility the arrogant cannot understand.

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
or 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT





     LISTEN TO SILENCE

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.


If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 


and I could not have described it any better
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.