ErikSmit

What lies behind us,
what lies before us,
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Love and peace is more than two fingers

Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car saying: " I know what you did"

BIG HUG to whoever
needs it
right now
-xoxo-

I want a simple life. I want to get up late, drink coffee and read old books. I also want a spaceship and a pet dragon

Everyone should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer

Pardon my French, but watch le fuck out

Though I can and I sometimes do use chopsticks,
I much prefer using my hands to pee

Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud

If you've had sex with less than 12 people, people that have had sex with you belong to a more exclusive club than those who have walked on the moon.

I think I could fall madly in bed with you!

If bedbugs are found on beds, who ever came up with the name cockroach?

Dogs can be our best friends, but a cat will never tell the police where the marijuana is

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me...
I'll train you!

If nothing is sure, everything is possible

The real power of a man is the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him

Listening can say so much

You are more defined by what comes out of your mouth than by what goes in it

I've decided to leave my past behind me,
so if I owe you money.....

I'm sorry but I've moved on

I miss you,

even when I'm not horny

Welcome to my mind!Please fasten your seatbelt and keep your arms and legs in at all times. Don't feed the animals, drink the water or talk to the voices... ENJOY THE RIDE

Dear Friday, I am so glad we are back together and I am sorry you had to see me with Monday-Thursday but I swear I was thinking only of you the whole time

You are at your best if you are who you are!

Everyone makes me happy, some people when they come, others when they go

It's nice to be important

but it's more important to be nice

I don't snore!

I dream I'm a motor cycle!

a vodka please!

but sir,
this is McDonalds!

ok....
a McVodka please,
and supersize it!

becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done!

Observing without judgment is the highest form of intelligence

Hell yes I have a dirty mind, and right now you are running through it.... NAKED

FORGIVING
can't change the past,
but it CAN change the future!

Merry X-Mas to ya all !!!

Going to unwrap my pet dragon now

Accents are fonts,
but for a person

Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

a soulmate makes the good times better and the bad times easier

always be yourself, an original is far more worth than a copy

Lets make memories

We're living in a time where computers ask humans to take tests to prove they're human

my saturday was going pretty well...

until I realized it was sunday

it dseon't mttaer waht oredr the lrteets of a wrod are in, as lnog as the frsit and lsat lteetrs are in the prpeor plcae, it's stlil redabale!

worrying is fantasizing in the wrong direction

Instead of teaching kids that everybody is equal, we should teach them that everybody is different and that thats OK!

I've seen a lot of soap operas in my life,
so I could kill you in 15 different ways and make it look like Winnie the Pooh did it...

SO STOP IRRITATING ME, OKAY!?

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I missed the exit

plot twist:

.... and they lived happy, for a while, until the divorce

to all of you missing their mom,
my thoughts are with you!
XOXO

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OK! NOBODY LEAVES

WHO ATE MY
CHOCOLATE ??

Cutting
corners
just
makes
more
corners

The worst thing about censorship is ##### #### ##

#LOL

love out loud

The best things in life aren't things

a real woman can handle all her problems alone, but a real man won't let her do that!

the trouble with dancing naked is that not everthing stops when the music does

ProTip:

Treat every problem like your dog would,
if you can't eat or fuck it,
piss on it and walk away

#freeadvice

Does anybody else have a voice in their head that repeats "slap the idiot, slap the idiot?"

NO?
JUST ME?
HMM... ODD

$BIG LOVING _ _ _ _ ___ | | | | | | / \ | | | | | | | ___| | _ | | | | | | __ | | | | : | | | \ | | | | | | | |_| | |__ | |__| \____| FROM ME 4 YOU ALL$

uids p??? ??
????
no?

Confusion comes when the mind does'nt hear what the heart has to say

sometimes you win and sometimes you realise you should have cheated

I didn't GIVE you
THE FINGER
just like that!

you've completely EARNED it

Every day
we get
(B)older

The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you'll need tomorrow

Kids show you the world with different eyes...

sleepy ones, with dark circles and eye bags

If you expect something in return for being a nice person, you are actually not a nice person to begin with

Everybody knew it was impossible, untill there came someone along who did'nt know that

It's fucked up that whole countries go to war just because a few assholes can't get along

Training to become an angel is a hell of a job, but hey, someone's got to do it

The virtual world may end up being the best way to interact, especially with idealized versions of ourselves as our avatars

You can always learn from your mistakes unless you're playing russian roulette

BOLDOMATIC ROCKS!

I BOLD YOU SO

By now I think we all realize that the biggest wealth is health

you are ABCDEFGHIJK, Attractive, Brilliant, Cute, Darling, Elegant, Funny, Georgious & Hot!

What about IJK??
I'm Just Kidding

a camel can work for 7 days without drinking.

I can drink for 7 days without working ;-)

#whoistheboss

In the end we won't remember the most beautifull body and face,
but the most beautifull heart and soul

I can turn all kinds of food into shit

If there is life without the internet... send me the link

DO
LOVE BIRDS LOVE BIRDS?

you don't have to have sex to cheat, once you find yourself deleting texts, you are probably almost there

TODAY IS THE DAY!

repeat tomorrow
if you like ;-)

You cant use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have

I tripped on my way to the bar, and while trying not to fall I won the disco dancing contest

My kid is just as weird and twisted as I am. I am not sure if I should be proud or scared?

There are only two days in your lifetime that arent 24 hours long

In case of fire.

Leave building before putting it on Twitter

OMG
I finally discovered what is wrong with my brain!
On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side there is nothing left

As kids, we worried about strangers on the internet finding us in real life. Now we worry about people in real life finding us on the internet

if there is nothing left, just look on the (b)right side

installing Summer of Love...............

!404 ERROR:
SUMMER CONDITIONS NOT FOUND IN YOUR COUNTRY.
PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER

you can't always control who walks into your life, but you can control wich window to throw that person out

I don't have a bad handwriting,

I just have my own font

I wish we had the ability to dream together with other people.... Like multi-player dreaming

so you mean to tell me that a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

We should have a worldwide holiday where lights get shut off for an hour to see the Milky Way galaxy

Too bad the internet connects people at a long distance, but disconnects people at a short distance

the human brain is amazing,
it works 24/7 and only stops when you have to take a test or talk to someone you find
attractive

People don't have a strong intuitive sense of how much bigger 1 billion is than 1 million.

1 million seconds is about 11 days.

1 billion seconds is about 31.5 years.

IMAGINATION IS SUCH A POWERFULL THING

USE IT WISELY

There is a voice that doesn't use words... LISTEN...

people should seriously stop expecting 'normal' from me,
we all know it's not going to happen!

,*.' : '." *. •. ., *
*, • '. *. *,'. ; *.
,• *• ' ' *. .: •*.'
. *,.W??i??n??t??e??r??*,•'
W??o??n??d??e??r??l??a??n??d

It's a perfect day for a perfect day!

I can only be me

The idea that there is a stairway to Heaven and a highway to Hell says a lot about the anticipated traffic load

READ LOUD AND FAST (MULTIPLE TIMES) AND FIND OUT YOU ARE A GENIUS!

EYE YAM
STEW PEED

Maybe the grass seems greener on the other side because you're not over there fucking it up!

2 bodies
1 feeling
2 minds
1 thought
2 lips
1 kiss
2 hearts
1 LOVE

did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and say 3x the name of the person you love... you look really stupid doing that!

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue

As a kid I couldn't swear because adults were around...

now I can't swear because the kids are around

Sanity is just the belief that the voice inside your head is yours

Everything in life happens with a reason, although we mostly see the WHY much later

It's crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is

your smile makes me smile

BE lieve

in

YOU rself

In the age of Google, knowing the right questions to ask really is more important than knowing the answers

We need an extra day in the week to recover,
we can call it SHITURDAY

lazy rule:
if it falls under the bed it is lost forever

So come here and I will touch you in places you didn't even know that exist

Dear Diet,

Things are just not going to work out between us.
It's not me, it's you!
You are tasteless, boring and I can't stop cheating on you...

listen, smile and agree and then...
do whatever the fuck you want

The lies we tell other people are nothing compared to the lies we tell ourselves

Why is it lazy to sleep in but healthy to go to bed early?

2017 is the last year anyone born in the 90s will be under 18. After this, there will be no more 90s kids

$what I plan | / | / | / |/_________ what I do | __/ | ___ _/\/ | _| \__/ |/______________$

My wings are in for repair, today I'm riding the broom

It would be cool if after you died you could see the top 5 times you almost died

Answers are often found in the mirror

You can put “fuck”, or “fucking” pretty fucking much fucking randomly anywhere in a fucking sentence and fucking still be grammatically fucking correct

I looked into my wallet and it was empty,
I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty.

Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.

Can we start the weekend again?

I wasn't ready...

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YA'LL BEEN BUSY EATING MY CHOCOLATE I SEE !!

THANKS FOR THE
REMAINING PIECE

If I touch my phone in the right places, a pizza will show up at my front door

Marriage is like eating with chopsticks,
it looks easy until you try it.

What if we were only awake to gather information for our dreams, and sleeping was really our natural state..

Money is like toilet paper, you dont care how much you use until youre almost out

election pledge:

I have two ears and one mouth, so I hereby promise to listen twice as much as I speak

I want you when I wake up!
Hmm, I love your smell, the way you taste, I love it when you are sooo hot... hmmm, I realy love my cup of coffee in the morning

Boobs are like the sun, you can stare at them longer with sunglasses on

There is a little "go fuck yourself" in "whatever"

The problem is not,

not knowing what to do!

but...

it is not doing what you already know!

the drunk me is actually the same as the sober me,
only 2times as honest and 10times as horny

What the heart knows today,

the head will understand tomorrow

That sex flashback you have in the middle of a meeting

On earth there is no heaven,
but there are pieces of it, you just have to see them

This
S??m??i??l??e??
is for every one...

P?a?s?s? i?t? o?n?

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit

Did you know that if you put your ear up to a strangers leg, you can hear them saying “what the fuck are you doing?”

someone just called me normal...
I've never been so insulted in my entire life

I'd love to survive to the age where I have to put my planet on my address

Too dirty for the closet.

Too clean for the laundry basket.

Welcome to the chair!

It's okay to hate gay people.

It's just not okay to hate them because they are gay

What we learn from history is that we don't actually learn from history

Neverland isn't a place, it's a state of mind

I don't need Google...

My wife knows everything!

Band of Bolders

if you don't go after what you want,
you'll never have it

Mentos should print little messages on their mints, like “you're awesome” or “looking good” and call them Complimentos

You can't change the truth

But the truth can change you

Pet stores should post “Chameleon” on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look

If Google started a dating site based on everything they know about their users, the results would be insane

ROADTRIP

KEEP CALM
and

LISTEN TO
YOUR WIFE

If you tell a story about yourself, saying it was a friend of a friend is technically not a lie

nobody is perfect, but you really know how to show it

I wonder what my dog named me?

Live
fast
Kiss
slow

Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks 'WTF are you doing?'

There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart!

treat every problem like your dog would, if you can't eat or fuck it...
piss on it and walk away

Never give PRIORITY
to someone who only sees you as an OPTION

Lets get lost together...

I know the way ;-)

When I was 10 people had diaries, and they'd get mad if you'd read them. Today, people post their lives online and get mad if you don't read it.

PURE LUCK
is being happy with yourself, without the approval of someone else

Good girls go to Paris...

bad girls go to Amsterdam

One of the biggest goals of adulthood is to make enough money to be as carefree as you were when you were a child

Dear ex,
I wish you the best. On the other hand, you've already had it

DID YOU KNOW

that you like this post if you put your finger just below the dot

•

Cassettes had an A and B side, so it was logical the successor was the CD

Neil A was the first human on the moon. Neil A backwards is Alien

look in my eyes and you will find me,
but look in my heart and I will find you

There should be a millenial edition of Monopoly where you just walk round the board paying rent, never able to buy anything

keeping it simple is difficult.

making it difficult is simple.

lets all keep it simple!

Here's to the heart, overruling the brain from time to time

Everytime I see chocolate, I hear 2 voices in my head. One saying, EAT IT!!!! And the other one saying DIDNT YOU HEAR IT... EAT IT!!!!

The word “homeowner” has “meow” in the middle... good luck saying that correctly again. lol

The difference between being crazy and being eccentric, is probably somewhere around a million dollars

I am just me,
and I am good at it

I used to be in a band called 'missing cat', you've probably seen our posters

Happiness depends on what you can give. Not what you can get!

my favorite part about family gatherings.....

talking about everyone on the way home!

Dear optimist, pessimist and realist, while you all were arguing about the glass being half full or half empty... I drank it, cheers

Greetings, the opportunist

True friends cry when you leave. Fake friends leave when you cry

Forgiving is a gift to yourself

Trying to explain WAR to a 5 year old makes it sound really really stupid

Humans have created a society so evolved that instead of us being worried that were going to be killed by the environment, we should be worried were going to kill the environment.

BRUSSELS HAVE FAITH
IN THESE DARK DAYS

If things get better with age, I must be getting close to freakin' magnificent

We get (B)older every day

Home is where the water doesn't taste weird

The greatest prison people live in is the fear what others think

Why do we spend so much money on clothes to impress people we want to be naked with

If you were on the menu, I'd take you in a doggybag

Hey...
I'll be back in 30 minutes,
if I am not,
just read this message again.

if some of you like this post I will pass the 10.000 boldpoints

yeahh, a small step for man, but a great step for mankind, or at least for me ;-)

Pandas are living proof that you can be fat by just eating salad

Whoever is happy will make others happy too!

I saw a man vaccinating himself in a dark alley behind the central station yesterday, probably Corona related I guess.

If you think I talk too much, you should hear me listen!

I've got moodpoisoning

Must have been something I hate

Everyone has their own destiny, not everyone chooses to follow it

Everything has its beauty, just not everyone sees it

TELL me
and I'll FORGET

TEACH me
and I'll REMEMBER

INVOLVE me
and I'll LEARN

s?e?x? d?r?u?g?s?
r?o?c?k?&r?o?l?l?

Just COFFEE for me please

Do not judge me by the chapter you walked in on

Ok, since bold seems to be on holiday...

Let's create a new mission ourselves!

#BETTER-NOT

If the earth really was flat, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now ;-)

YOU are the best thing I never had

The truth can walk naked but a lie always needs to be dressed

Today exactly ONE YEAR on BOLD,
it brought me 607 new 'friends' and lots of inspiration!

a good leader should be
a VOICE not an ECHO

Havent heard somebody saying YOLO for a while.

I guess everyone who used it is dead by now.

Don't date the most beautifull person in the world, but the one that makes your world most beautifull

What ever happened to catching Pokéhontas

Even the devil on my shoulder calls me a nutjob from time to time... WTF

If your phone doesn't ring

it's me

Why the fuck are there cartoon pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses?

What exactly is it shielding its eyes from?

You didn't come this far to only come this far

What if plants are actually farming us, giving us oxygen until we die and decompose back into the earth to consume us?

Social Media weather forecast:

We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullshit blowing in from all directions

My dog must think I go on the longest, most exciting walks without her whenever I leave for work.

I made my name on Social Media "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

X-mas is a time of joy and love.

Unfortunately for some a time of emptiness and loneliness

MY X-MAS WISH:
let everyone bring joy and love in someones life

A fresh start isn't a new place, it's a new mindset

You are the reason why I wake up everymorning!

Just kidding,
I have to work!

Technically speaking, aliens invaded the moon in 1969

Being severely depressed is the opposite of being a ghost. Your body is still here, but your spirit is gone.

If age taught me one thing it it is:

Days are long,
years are short

“Send nudes, not nukes” is the “make love, not war” of this century

Actually I wanted to save the world today but can't find my second sock

If youve never rewound a cassette tape with your finger, you have no right to complain about buffering

Virgins don't give a fuck

Once you've read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix

The hardest time to fall asleep is when you are desperately trying to fall asleep.

The easiest time to fall asleep is when you are desperately trying to stay awake

They say its better to be poor and happy than loaded and miserable, but how about a compromise, like rich and moody

True friendship is when silence is not awkward but enjoyable

I think cars should have 2 horns!

1 that says “hey, I'm not mad at you, but you're weaving out of your lane and stuff, just letting you know :D”

and a 2nd one that says “fuck you, I hope your gas tank explodes”

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

One of the biggest tragedies of mankind through out all of history is all of the female geniuses who were never allowed to reach their potential and contribute their gifts to the world. Think of all the female “Mozarts” or “Einsteins” who could have been, but never were.

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late

If you are at a party with a lot of FAKE boobs and REAL assholes...just keep FAITH

If you think about it since you dont remember being a baby there had to have been a time when you suddenly realised you were alive but nobody knows when

If you have 2 choices...

and you take 1 away...

you have 0 choices!

Those “dont text and drive” signs on the road probably arent read by people texting and driving

Bottles of soap say “dermatologist tested” but dont tell you what the results were.

Maybe the dermatologist ran away screaming.

The most awkward time to suddenly go deaf would be during a moment of silence. After 10 minutes, youd be like “Damn this is taking forever.”

When people talk about time traveling, they worry about radically changing the future by making a small change in the past but barely anyone in the present really thinks they can radically change the future by doing something small now

“Hell yeah!” is the opposite of “Heavens, no.”

Pulling into a parking spot right as a great song ends and turning off the car on the last note remains one of lifes simple pleasures

I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought “Wow, dogs are so easily entertained”

Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...

It feels good to be your ONLY weakness

Imagine how much more amazing sleep would be if we could have multiplayer dreams, hm

School does not test your intelligence, it tests your memory

Dear wine,

we had a deal.
you were suppost to make me funnier, sexier, smarter and a better dancer.
I saw the video... WE NEED TO TALK

To all my boldfriends worldwide...

Have a great 2018, wishing you all great posts, many likes and loads of followers

A detective asked me where I was between 4 and 6?

Kindergarten I guess, why?

If this day was not your friend, it was your teacher!

Some people are like clouds, when they leave it's gonna be a good day after all

Some have sex on the kitchen table...

I sometimes eat in bed

On New Years Eve, if you start playing “In the Air Tonight” at 11:56 and 20 seconds, the drum solo will go off right at midnight.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could help more people in desperate need of a hug

TACT
is the art of making a point

without making an enemy

My marriage is like a workshop!

I work....
my wife shops

Diarehea combined with alzheimer must be terrible, you're running, but totally forgot where to or what for!
.....OOPS

The WE in aWEsome must be about all you bolders out there

Dear Diamonds,

We all know who is really a girls best friend!

Kind regards,
Chocolate

without up's and down's....
it's just a train ride

the ultimate threat a teenage girl can use against her mother is "leave me the fuck alone or I will turn you into a Grandma soon"

Telling someone they cant feel down because “someone has it worse than them” is like saying they cant be happy because someone has it better than them

If plastic comes from petroleum

Petroleum comes from dinosaur fossils

Then plastic dinosaurs are made of actual dinosaurs

Some people are like clouds, when they dissapear, it's gonna be a beautifull day after all

Having an extremely high IQ with no people skills is like having an extremely high powered computer with no internet

If a man calls you 'doll', it doesn't neccesarily mean Barbie, could also be Chucky

Who wants to be cute when you can be naughty?

calling your child a piece of shit, makes you an asshole

M????_?e??????r?`?°`????r?????y?¯????
????X???????-????m??^??a??¨??s??´??_
to ya all

I am sure I can tell, almost every time, whenever they use fake dragons in a movie

Lance is an uncommon name nowadays.

But in mediaval times people were called Lance a lot

We all have about 2 minutes to live but taking a breath resets that clock

Hi, my name is Smit, without a K.

But there is no K in Smit.

No thats what I said!!!

With so many things coming back into fashion, I can't wait until loyalty and morals become the new trend again

Why do I have to pay more when I ask for something extra on a sandwich but I dont get a discount when I ask for no tomatoes?

Here's to all my boldfriends

I love you all

some people dream of great accomplishments, while others stay awake and accomplish them

Not everything that can be counted counts,
and not everything that counts can be counted.

“Go to bed, you'll feel better tomorrow” is the human version of “Did you try turning it off and back on again?”

If you like this post, I'dd become trending

With phones becoming waterproof, we can start pushing people into pools again

Accept what you can't change...

Change what you can't accept

Is the “b” in “subtle” silent, or just really subtle?

the best way to get a true friend is to be one

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you

Can I be your unaware-wolf?

Being happy is wanting what you already have

What did our parents do without the internet, can you even imagine?

I asked my 8 brothers and my 5 sisters also and they didn't have a clue too

Friends like mine are hard to find, there are so many pubs, they could be anywhere

A lot may have touched my skin or even my heart but you are the only one that touched my soul

When I was 10, no one ever asked me “Hand me my phone, I need a flashlight,”

Every decision you have ever made in life has led you to read this post

Becoming an adult is like looking left and right before finally crossing the street and then getting hit by a helicopter

Lets go where the WIFI is weak and the rum is strong

If you don't control your mind, someone else will

Spring is the season where you always pick the wrong jacket

Why do Germans use smilies like this :) or this :0

If they already got Ü and Ö?

Everytime you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever

When you are a queen, don't ever put your heart in the hands of a joker!

I'm old enough to know, young enough to care and experienced enough to make a difference

summer greatings from sunny Italy to all ya bolders out there!! xoxo

My blood donation may become someones erection!

Work hard in silence... let your success make all the noise

I think everyone should go to school and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated

RANDOM HUG FOR WHO EVER NEEDS IT MOST

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••• BOLD •••
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Humans are mental. £198m for a footballer! Imagine putting 198 of the worlds greatest scientists into a room together for 1 yr and paying them £1m each.. the things they'd discover and create!

If love was a crime, we'dd all want to be criminals

BOLD SUMMER PARTY

#all invited

Let them all say it's impossible and let me prove them wrong

Be someone's
SUNSHINE
when their
skies are
GREY

Acting NORMAL can drive you CRAZY

Putting a key under your doormat is the real world equivalent to setting your password to "password"

its not what you look at that matters, its what you see

There are two types of lazy, looking for close parking because you're too lazy to walk. Or parking far because you're too lazy to look for close parking

$_\|/_ SOME /|\ SEE | A | WEED | SOME | A | WISH$

Being a paid participant in a sleep study is technically a dream job

$_______ |/ | | O | /|\ | /\ ___|___ SPOOKY$

Slow dancing is a nice excuse to have a really long hug with someone you care about

If I had a pet dragon, that little fucker would sit on my shoulder all day, we would talk shit about all we wanted and shoot flames at bitches we don't like

Imagine if spiders screamed when you found them

You are on my fuck(et)list

I think my
problem is that
I have really
fantastic
bad ideas

For those who have lost track, today is Blursday the fourteeth of Mayprilay

having to take your father to the ER on fathersday is not a funny way to spend qualitytime!

on the other hand, its one to never forget, glad he is ok now! (and I was there)

Our phones fall, we panic.

Our friends fall, we laugh.

When the WRONG people leave your life, the RIGHT things will start happening

Kiss me like there is no one else in the room

I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but my plans were foiled!

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck

I don't have to become anybody...

I'm already me

It's only gossip if you repeat it. Until then, it's gathering information.

in the ninetees
I first met my dirty mind and I still enjoy it everyday!

a dirty mind is a joy forever ;-)

Decissions made by emotions are mostly called instinct

Some days you feel you are surrounded by fucking morons

Other days you realize it's not just some days

In prison, do they only have cell phones?

My chocolate bar
15 minutes ago
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My chocolate bar
right now
[]

Sorry, couldn't resist!
Or did you want some too?

There should be a Shazam for bird noises to identify the bird

Life is like a box of chocolates.

The good pieces are always taken unless you learn to like the ones that nobody else does

If there's not enough love in the world,... let's make some

If you say you don't like sex you must be kidding, I mean cum on

You never really lose until you stop trying

I'm so good at sleeping,
I can do it with my eyes closed

Love is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but you are the only one getting that warm feeling

Did you hear now viagra also comes in nasal spray, especially for dickheads

You can't photoshop an ugly personality

CAN I
BE YOUR PERFECT STRANGER?

Relationship status:

Table for one, but drinks for two

Back in school I was told:

Pussy is a cat
Sex is a gender
Dick is a name
Bang was a sound
Srew was just a tool
and 69 was just a number...

And then I met all you dirty fuckers here... education ruïned

like a fine wine we get better with age,
or better we feel better about it with lots of wine

Yesterday I stopped drinking!

Tonight I am celebrating my comeback!

If we never did things we shouldn't do we wouldn't feel good about doing the things we should

When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are passed, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass!

I still miss my grandma's good advices, glad we still have her great receipts

why is everybody so sad here?

Its weeeekend!!!!
Lets have a party and drink untill we all feel good!

I'll do the cocktails

Getting a song stuck in your head wouldn't be so bad if it was the full song instead of 10 seconds on loop

Take care of your character above all other things and your reputation will take care of itself

You can't reach what's in front of you, untill you let go of what's behind you!

I prefer vodka over bad love, it feels both bad in the morning but it is gone during the day

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning” because if it was a good morning I would still be in bed

What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how things are supposed to be.

I hope I never go to jail, because I haven't memorised phone numbers since 1999

If I would have wanted you to understand,
I would have explained it better

JUST SMILE

ITS FREE

I've finally reached the age were I can't function without my glasses, especially when they are empty

I think it was funny when my son was hiding under the bed when he was scared.

I'm like ' you idiot, that's the first place monsters go!'

EXIST
ON
YOUR OWN
DAMN TERMS

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships.

You are on my to do list, actually you are my to do list

Having ADD is kind of like having a second person in your head who wants to constantly monologue about the most random bullshit and who refuses to shut the fuck up no matter how many times you tell him to.

the best victory is to conquer yourself

The struggle you might be in today will develope the strenght you need tomorrow!

DO NOT GIVE UP

I follow a light diet...
I eat during daylight and sometimes with the light of the fridge

LIVE
LAUGH
LOVE

My 'dad voice' was so loud even the neighbors washed their hands and cleaned their rooms

A lot can happen between now and never

it might look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy

Don't fear me when I'm angry and screaming,
fear me when I'm angry and quiet because then I'm plotting my REVENGE

My mother used to say:

“The closest I get to a spa day is when steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face.”

Parents begging for grandchildren have the same mentality as a child begging for a puppy: they get all of the cute with none of the work

Who needs decent thoughts when you are blessed with a dirty mind?

Eve to Adam, "do you still love me?”

Adam to Eve, "of course dear, who else?”

WORDS are FREE, it's how you use them that may COST you

#besmart