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With all the shitty people in the world, one would have expected to have much greener pastures.

11

Suddenly all of my plants started growing and blooming.

What is this sorcery I thought?

And then I realized that I had left the room while Trump was speaking. I just hope it works as well in my garden the next 4 years.

13

Had a glass of Whisky today after hearing that a glass a day can aid longevity, drank it neat.
The trail of heat it left behind had me checking for growing chest hairs!....and now I wait.

4

Throwing fertilizer at people so they grow the hell up!

2

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

When life gives you shit, buy a stadium and fertilize the pitch!

0

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