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I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD

(unfortunately
it's Buddha)

140

The mini
heart attack
you get
when you
miss a step
going down
the stairs.

65

The closest I get to church is making a woman scream, "oh, godddd."

85

hula hoop your halo

52

talking bad about another person doesn't make you a better person

32

Forgive and forget?

Sorry, I'm not God...

I don't have Alzheimer's either.

43

I'm not where I want to be, but thank god I'm not where I used to be.

22

*They* say, if you
say "I love you," too
much, it loses its
meaning. But, I say
"I'm hungry," all the
time, and that's
a feeling, too, right?

41

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is God is crying.

And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is Probably because of something you did.

26

In soccer we trust, in Blatter we don't.

25

2015 is only 5 months away, just let that sink in.

19

Sure, your prince might come. But just in case he doesn't, God created cats and wine.

24

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