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*pulls away from kissing*

"I wish you weren't a bottle of beer."

15

"I'll die before I go back to prison!" screamed my Tinder Date - the red and blue police lights reflecting in her fearful eyes as the pursuit quickened its pace. "You missed my exit" I whispered as her glance ricocheted off me and onto the sideview mirror. What a memorable first date!

5

you have two cows, the government take both from you and sell you the milk for twice the price you took for it

4

XXXXXXXXXXXX

THUG-BOLDING

XXXXXXXXXXXX

#mywayoflife

2

Love is like a kebab roll
You really want it when you are drunk

1

fuck with me you know i got it

1

Face down ass up

Thats the way i tie my shoes

1

twinkle,twinkle little star, i want to hit you with my car, throw you up the tree so high, i hope you break your kneck and die!! :(

1

Wash and bold. Repeat.

1

Being normal is boring

0

I didn't choose the Thug Life

Thug Life choose me

0

Sometimes you just have to realise that life isn't going the way you want it to

0

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