kreutner's Posts

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

Reposted from Zzzz

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

Reposted from Zzzz

The moment when you look down and realize that you're rubbing your balls with Tinker Bells face - That's the moment you know that it's time to put your childrens bath towels on a seperate shelf...

dor1316 likes this

The guy who discovered milk...
What was he doing with the cow?

Reposted from bold

I don't watch porn. I can't get over the frustration that the pizza they ordered is getting cold.

Reposted from satan

dor1316 likes this

step aside coffee
this is a job for alcohol

Reposted from isap

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Reposted from satan

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

Reposted from mjf

I don't want a job,

I just want money.

Reposted from mjf

some people just need a hug

...around the neck

...with a rope.

Reposted from bold

1stHODIR likes this

My damn iPhone is broken.

I pressed the home button and I'm still at work...

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

LET'S DO SOME
"WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS"
THINGS.

Reposted from anonymous

I'm the boy next door...

If you happen to be locked in a long term mental health facility

Reposted from scottluper

I knocked out a guy who said bacon sucks. No one talks about my friends that way

Reposted from scottluper

1stHODIR likes this

Being an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done.

Reposted from bold

Instead of waiting in front of the altar, I rather hang out at the bar.

Reposted from bold

bold likes this

Everyone talks about leaving the planet a better place for our kids.

How about we focus on leaving better kids for our planet.

Reposted from MissB

dor1316 likes this

I never give up.

Unless it gets really hard or
I lose interest

Reposted from scottluper

dor1316 likes this

You know that voice that says, "Don't do that"?

Yeah, I don't have one of those.

Reposted from scottluper

dor1316 and bold like this

An office is a place where dreams come true

usually it's nightmares.

Reposted from sarcaSM

bold likes this

It's all fun and games until you run out of bacon.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

GaylrdSprFckr and kreutner like this

I put redbull in my coffee this morning instead of water.
And now I can see noises.

Reposted from nathii

Reposted from sarcaSM

sarcaSM likes this

Eating cereal in the shower isn't saving me as much time as I thought.

Reposted from sarcaSM

sarcaSM likes this

THOSE ARE DESIGNER BAGS

UNDER MY EYES

Reposted from bold

scottluper, satan and bold like this

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

Reposted from voilivoilou

dor1316, scottluper, bold and sarcaSM like this

i drink while i workout. i call it
barcadio.

Reposted from mariechen_xo

4 8 15 16 23 42

Reposted from hemko

hemko likes this

Life seems like the slowest form of suicide.

Reposted from hemko

poptankar, dor1316 and hemko like this

When everybody quitely agrees with me, I sometimes get the feeling that I'm wrong.

Reposted from hemko

to me 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.

Reposted from anonymous

dor1316, scottluper, GaylrdSprFckr and bold like this

If hating me is easier for you, by all means, go with that.

Reposted from anonymous

The amount of sleep required by the average person is 'five more minutes'.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

dor1316 and NukeSkywalker like this

Carpe
fucking
Diem

Reposted from _Nathalie_

dor1316 and _Nathalie_ like this

They told me to never give up.

Now they call me a stalker.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

a unicorn is just a pony that don't know how to use a strap-on...

Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn...

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

T H IN
H K
E BOX

outside

Reposted from anonymous

1stHODIR and dor1316 like this

tweet me a drink plz

tweet: the art of making an understandable 400 character long paragraph into 140 characters of nonsens

_Nathalie_ and kj55 like this

I'll
tweet you
later

kj55 likes this

I never tweet sober...

Stop me before I do something useful.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

I don't make mistakes,
I date them.

Reposted from frauheinrich

smart phones, smart cars,
smart television...

when are they going to start making smart people?

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

Growing old is
mandatory.

Growing up is optional.

Reposted from asadansari154

I can resist everything, except Temptation.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

I hate it when I have to be nice to someone I really want to punch in the face.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

I love listening to lies when I know the truth...

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

When live knocks me down,
I usually lay there and take a nap.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

You call it lazy.

I call it selective participation.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Generally, I'm a very nice person.

Just don't push the asshole button.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Sometimes it can be fun to randomly shout:

"Hey, Asshole!"

in a crowd, just to see who turns around.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

I don't hate you. It's just my attitude has problems with your personality.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

If you're going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as well hit them hard.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

All generalizations are false.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Education is what you get from reading the small print;

Experience is what you get from not reading it.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

How many times do I have to say "excuse me"
before
"get the fuck out of my way!!" becomes acceptable?

Reposted from _Nathalie_

1stHODIR likes this

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

"You look tired"

is just a polite way for someone to tell you that you look like shit.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

It's just that yours is stupid.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

I have to stop saying
"How stupid can you be?".

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

Reposted from Boldomatic

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.

Reposted from nelis

springtime

=

BBQ-time!

if you don't get along with the devil...

Jesus will always take you back!

My favourite sport is eye rolling

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

gone crazy.

...be back soon

Reposted from _Nathalie_

It's really rude to talk while I'm interrupting.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

Weird is just a side effect of being awesome •

Reposted from Lirpae..

dor1316 and Lirpae.. like this

There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated:

Breast implants!

scottluper, kj55, _Nathalie_ and satan like this

reposted by satan and synysterdgates

Welcome to the real world!

It sucks...

You gonna love it!

Sunshine123, Authlander, scottluper, _Nathalie_ and satan like this

reposted by Authlander

Sarcasm is humor with an attitude •

Reposted from Lirpae..

1stHODIR and Lirpae.. like this

I never argue,
I just explain why I'm right •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Lirpae.. likes this

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

If everything fails..
take a
nap •

Reposted from Lirpae..

dor1316 and Lirpae.. like this

If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Lirpae.. likes this

Keep Calm..
and
let's be
weird
together •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Lirpae.. likes this

I'm not actually funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking.

Reposted from hemko

God is watching you. Give him a show he won't forget.

Reposted from hemko

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

Reposted from hemko

life is a bitch, so learn how to fuck it.

Reposted from 27thAvenue

I speak fluent sarcasm.

Reposted from anonymous

i put the pro in procrastinating

Reposted from anonymous

sixpack? yeah i've had that but it just didn't suit me

Reposted from anonymous

I reject your reality

and substitute my own

UsualMan, mjf and hemko like this

we are the people our parents warned us about

Reposted from the_last_angel

the_last_angel likes this

SARCASM:

Just one of
the many
services
I offer •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Stay up late at night,
regret it every morning,
do it all over again •

Reposted from Lirpae..

I'm going to hell in every single religion.

Reposted from bold

STRESS IS
CAUSED BY GIVING A FUCK.

Reposted from anonymous

I have to stop saying
"How stupid can you be?".

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

DON'T WORRY
IT ONLY SEEMS KINKY THE FIRST TIME

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Reposted from satan

satan likes this

If something sounds ridiculous, then it's probably a good idea.

Reposted from bold

WORRYING SOLVES NOTHING

Reposted from Boldomatic

Don't worry about those who talk behind your back, they're behind you for a reason.

Reposted from lesliejaslene

TOO MUCH IS NEVER ENOUGH.

Reposted from Boldomatic

Some dream of success

Others stay awake to achieve it

Reposted from anonymous

carpe noctum

crea
diem

mjf, wallifer and _Nathalie_ like this

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Reposted from satan

satan likes this