luigi500's Posts

I love numbers.

Except the number 288.

It's too gross.

I fought in Vietnam as a toilet cleaner.

Even now, I still get flushbacks.

Reposted from luigi500

Today I met the guy who invented window cills.

What a ledge!!!

Man who likes women of all faiths, sikhs.... included

Man with no imagination, seeks woman to do the unthinkable

dor1316 and Qball like this

Man, left leg missing, seeks woman with right leg missing, for stable relationship

dor1316 and Qball like this

FOR SALE:

LAMBS.

WERE £10
NOW £5

They're sheep at half the price!!

Reposted from luigi500

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and realized, 'I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'?

janem803 and Qball like this

A thief who steals t-shirts in order of size is still at Large.

Reposted from luigi500

Qball likes this

I've got a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.

It's shift work.

Reposted from luigi500

If a young sheep is covered in plastic.... does it become lambinated?

I fought in Vietnam as a toilet cleaner.

Even now, I still get flushbacks.

reposted by luigi500

When talking about plastic surgery, a lot of people turn their nose up.

I've got a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.

It's shift work.

reposted by luigi500

A thief who steals t-shirts in order of size is still at Large.

Qball likes this

reposted by luigi500

Jazz playground?

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got a swing.

Qball likes this

"My dog's got no dictionary."

"How does he spell?"

"Terrible!"

A lot of people are very self-aware.

You know who you are.

I'm addicted to daydreaming.

Makes you think, doesn't it?!

Three
cheers
for
rap
music!!

Hip Hop Hooray!!

Qball likes this

I'm angry about crematoriums.

They make my blood boil.

#funny

Moon-D and Qball like this

Ever tried lifting a beer barrel?

Those things weigh a tun!

#funny

I sent someone a helium balloon on their birthday.

That didn't go down very well.

#Funny

Went to my local rubbish dump.

Loads of seagulls there.

Why would anyone throw them away?

niniel, PenSword72 and Moon-D like this

Black holes?

I don't know what people see in them.

Qball likes this

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

I can only apologize.

Went to an airport.

Tripped over some luggage.

Went flying.

The early astronomers got bored of watching the sun come up in the same place...

so they decided to call it a day.

Qball likes this

If a baby deer can write with both hooves .... is it bambidextrous?

Moon-D and PenSword72 like this

You can't beat a new rug.

Well, you can, but what's the point?

#funny

Moon-D likes this

I don't like Lion bars.

They're such unwelcoming, scary places.

Pixies have been banned from giving blood.

They have too much haemo-goblin.

The legalities of owning a plot of land on the moon?

It's a grey area.

Qball and PenSword72 like this

Do
slugs
call
snails
gypsies?

Moon-D and bens6477 like this

FOR SALE:

LAMBS.

WERE £10
NOW £5

They're sheep at half the price!!

reposted by luigi500