Speedster's Posts

The world is grey

To Love
and Be
Loathed
in return
The second half of marriage

Suddenly
arthritis!
My knee is shot.
Surely being shot would actually hurt less?

Father's Day
this year falls upon
"The Longest Day"
perhaps I'll stay up all night again.

Ah yes, those were the days ...

long before fatherhood,
funnily enough!

Somewhere
there's an app,
between
Twitter
and
Boldomatic,
that's perfect.

There once was a certain young bounder
Who daily grew larger and rounder
The answer I always have found
Is eat to live not the other way round
A good diet keeps you healthy and sounder

JodieT likes this

Ah! Just another Tuesday
Another day but with a Tues on it's front end?
Much like Monday then?
Ah! Just another day with a different nose

JodieT likes this

So, their families are surprised by their "extreme beliefs" and don't know where they learned such "extreme beliefs"?

Well, "extreme" is simply at the end of the "beliefs" they were taught at home so no surprise there then!

My spoken English is similar to my parent's and my grandparents' but different from that of all those slackers who would say it's different to theirs and I am saddened by their lack of interest.

Yes, just the one parent.

Twitter
is killing me.
Boldomatic
is its accomplice.
Faecebook?

Qball and JodieT like this

Sometimes I wonder about you.

I wonder:
"Who are you?"

Unfortunately
I married an idiot
so did my wife,
Unfortunately

Women:
Driving and looking at shoe shop windows is not multi-tasking

A selfie taken in a mirror:
Is that our self image or a true image,
the way others see us?

Qball, kfasheldon and JodieT like this

You accuse me, saying:
"Your no fun at all."
I am happy and I can spell properly so, whatever!

Qball and JodieT like this

you have a choice

This is
exactly
the colour
I hate

Cheerful?
Me?

Well I'll be buggered, yes
I am!
Where did that come from?

Once upon a time there lived a happy woman . . .

As if!

There's
not much
that's more
satisfying than a garden fire on a clear summer evening: all the leaves and twigs are gone and I'm now glowing on the inside like the hot grey ashes.

I did try.
I tried. I tried.
I tried again.
Again I tried and then I asked:

Why do I bother?

I fucking give up.

JodieT likes this

Forgiveness is a strange meme:
I forgive my trespassers to allow myself progress.
Whom I forgave will not know, neither care, for she has no guilt, perhaps no memory.
I have guilt and I do crave forgiveness from those who will not understand it is best given for their own healing.
Yet I want so much to heal my guilt, cannot ask, will not know.

JodieT likes this

Life is, for me, a wave of depression: years of regret and guilt, of pain and prevarication, avoidance, failure and angst and yet it's still been more meaningful and rewarding than religion could ever be.

Just sayin'

JodieT likes this

The point of home improvement is to prevent me relaxing, to prevent me thinking, to prevent me noticing what a fucking pointless task is home fucking improvement.

My kids are great!

I am exhausted!

JodieT likes this

Actually l will not be loving her more tomorrow, I love her: it's a binary value it's not a scale or meter.

cluv1 and JodieT like this

DO NOT
Kill Torture Rape or Harm
DO NOT
Steal or Cheat
DO NOT
Ignore or avoid those in need
DO NOT
Discriminate against anyone

Be responsible for your own behaviour and respect others

Nobody needs a "god" to know morality: Follow five basic rules

Qball, cluv1, ccz6ih and JodieT like this

If it is acceptable for you to tell me about your "god" then I assume I have an equal right to tell you about your delusion and that your special relationship is with a figment of your misled imagination.

I am sure you will agree.

Thanks for understanding.

cluv1 and ccz6ih like this

sometimes chirpy birds on sunny days are just depressing

smug bastards

JodieT likes this

What would an old geezer like me do with a Kollegg Bag?

Of course, I'd give it to my cool cool Princess Poodle.

#kollegg, #bag

buglove likes this

Sadly, dreams never come true.
Shit just happens.
If shit you wanted happens, that's coincidence.
If you're religious that's god fucking with your mind.

mmbevell likes this

reposted by mmbevell

No. The trouble with reality is that when you open your eyes there's still shitloads of other people there.

janem803 likes this

I saw a Tshirt today with this slogan:

Last night a BJ saved my life!

Now smokers have moved outside, could we repurpose all the smoking rooms for those fucking annoying people who eat crisps?

One swallow does not make a relationship.

misterlab and kj55 like this

l've reached the point where every day feels like Friday, each morning is another false horizon.

Capitalism :
A system in which those who work the least receive the most, those who work the most receive the least and those who have nothing have only themselves to blame and all are scared of losing that system or their position in it.

dor1316 and ccz6ih like this

Go home look in the mirror and have a word with the idiot who let you go out dressed like that.

cluv1, dor1316 and ccz6ih like this

I like to hang out with people who make me look cool, hot, successful and attractive. Ah! there you are.

janem803, cluv1, dor1316 and ccz6ih like this

I'm not expecting every statement to exude wit, grammar, philosophy and literary quality but is it asking too much for each writer to proof read their gem prior to publication?

janem803, dor1316, buglove, ccz6ih and lalaland like this

I have a few harsh ones about the lack of civilisation in certain societies but fear they and the rest of the world are not yet sufficiently evolved to see the humour.

You hate that moment, lookin at you're sparkling philosophical post and realise you missed a letter or used the other spelling of sum word which means you grammar is fukked and no body will take the point seriously. Their all just laughing at you know.

By a strange twist of chance the funniest posts on all media are those with amusing spelling errors.

Everyone thinks the Americans are thick. Well, take a look around the UK, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, India, Afghanistan, Europe and most of Africa, China and Russia. The world is filled with greed, hunger, crime, war, relgion and disease.
Human actions display an incredible level of self destructive stupidity.

Most Americans are dumb but then so is the rest of the world.

Sometimes I look at the background colour of my life and I wonder: purple? really? fucking purple?

^_^
Have they gone yet?

ccz6ih likes this

I'm a bottom line kind of guy:
I was lyin' about your bottom

ccz6ih likes this

just how many characters will this box accept before the text shrinks beyond legibility or the message has stretched the capability of the system and why has the limit not been made clear in some easily obtained instruction manual which one might use to learn the rules of the application and the expectations of both the inventor and the readers so that trial and error are finally consigned to the past because history is literally littered with unstructured literary failures lacking guidance?

Why should I accept everyone else's shit?

Life
Is
Finite
Everytime

LIFE
is a fatal sexually transmitted
disease

Sometimes I just don't give a shit.

boldstatment likes this

Standing on the edge of the desk testing my work/life balance

Why do these people insist on forcing me to add them to my list?

It's simple:
I don't understand it.
What chance do you have?

When the one you truly love says they don't feel it anymore.

Born of stardust we live, we die, we return to the universe's formless, eternal energy.

How cool is that?

janem803, PenSword72 and sophh like this

In the last three sunny days I've walked through throngs of beautiful women.
I am sure not one noticed I was there.
Now I know how it feels to be old.

sophh likes this

How pissed off will I be if I die without some pithy last words?

very

Sometimes
. . .
I wish
I could live
in hotels

Why must they make so much disgusting noise eating crisps?
Why do they eat crisps anyway?
why can't they choke and fall silent?

I want to enjoy this but I have that sinking feeling.

government exists to protect the people who paid for it not The People.

banks exist not to provide finance but to sell it.

police exist not to prevent crime but to follow it.

A teacher's job is to teach students.

DonSpaccafurnu likes this

A policeman's job is to catch criminals.

(and motorists)

A bank's job is to make a profit for shareholders.

abeyarat likes this

A politician's job is to be elected into power.

I'm not saying that I am always right.

I'm worried about how you are so frequently wrong.

sofiej1998 likes this

Dutch Breakfast:
1 strong dark coffee,
1 strong dark roll-up.

Full English:
2 sausages, 2 eggs &
2 bacon on a fried slice with tomatoes,
beans and mushrooms. One round of toast and marmalade with a large pot of tea.

Footballers earn (?) unbelievable amounts but at least they are good at football.
Movie stars like Tom Cruise earn even more. WTF?

if people learn from their mistakes, how are they all still so stupid?

Actually SYMPATHY
is between SYMMETRY and SYMPHONY
which sounds
balanced and harmonious to me

So you mean fourplay is not what comes next after a threesome?

janem803 likes this

I never knew the meaning of marriage but my wife taught me it means revenge!

Apparently, most of the people I meet think I'm arrogant.
Who knew there were so many common people around?

A bush in the hand is worth two birds in your dreams

Me: Look at that airplane, I wonder where it's going.
2yo Son: It's going to an airport, Dad.

After all those years, I finally know why my wife talks to me like that.
She hates me!

janem803 likes this

If women are so good at multitasking why can't they walk and talk at the same time?

thebighags likes this