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Posts Liked by black_magic

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first.

And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

20

Me a morning person?

Pfft.. I'm not even an afternoon person.

8

I don't care what you think of me, because it can't be half as bad as what I think of you.

9

Dear life,
When I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

36

Have you ever noticed that a woman's
"be ready in 5 minutes"
and a man's
"be home in 5 minutes"
are exactly the same?

108

My
normal
has
never
been
anything
but
not
normal.

144

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

452

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

289

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