Posts Liked by PriorityPlant

HE: "So, I'll see you in a month."

SHE: "Alright just don't forget to write."

HE: "It's highly unlikely
I'd 'forget' such a basic skill, Sharon."

Roses are red, violets are blue.
If the DNA test proves you're
my sister, I will
stop sleeping with you.

I expect
absolutely
nothing
and I'm still
let down.

oh
bloody
hell!

I am a true genius at only four hours of sleep.

After 22 christmases, I realized that Santa is a stalker.

How can he know where I live or that I was good or bad?

That's top secret.

Google Search:

"easy vegetarian
meals without a
shitload of dirty
dishes for less
than 40 cents."

So what if time gets quicker as we grow older because our players are bored of us and fast forward our days just like in The Sims?

"Hey, have you seen
my cap?"
- "Yeah dude, it's on
your head."
"I DIDN'T FUCKING
ASK WHERE IT WAS
YOU MORON."

Throwing up after eating too much German food brings out the wurst in me.

When my neighbour told me he was going
to kill whoever stole
the clothes from his washing line, I nearly crapped his pants.

"Excuse me where do I find green asparagus?"
- "Oh, sorry, but I don't work here."
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHERE YOU WORK."

"This Lego is the best thing I've ever had in my life."
- "Ok. Don't make a big thing out of it."

Four billion years ago the planet Earth was molten rock. Four years ago boldomatic was born. Thank you all for making this happen.

Have you ever seen the ocean without an Instagram filter?

It is fucking hideous

#02 "Sorry I can't"

Gotham City needs me.

Haikus are simple.

But they often
don't make sense.

Potato salad.

If someone steals
your cab, it wasn't your cab.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

The worst thing about
owls is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in
a microwave.

They say Marijuana is a getaway drug...

To what?
The fridge?

"Hey, what's that?"
- "I call it: a knife."
"Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"
- "Gregory, I'm about to blow your mind."

Oh what a lovely day. Everything's still stupid and we're
all dying.

I'm thinking the only reason people get lost in thought anymore is because it's unfamiliar territory

Good fucking luck USA

TAKE
A
WALK
ON
THE
WEIRD
SIDE...

Hitting a wall might be the first step in making a breakthrough

The year is 2048. The grilled cheese emoji has
been elected president for a 2nd term.

Pretending not
to be pretentious whatsoever.

What's the name again of that guy who built the Ark
of Noah?

My mom want
me to eat more
fruit.

Pear pressure.

We're all dying.

In fact, that's what defines the condition of living.

Figure facts

There are two rules for having ultimate success in life.

Never tell everything
you know.

Why are quakes on other planets called earthquakes too?

And not Marsquake, Neptune-quake and Kepler-186f-quake?

#04
Harry Potter and
audacious, yet quasi thoughtful
Canadian twins.

You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn.

The less clothes, the more naked.

#01 "Sorry I can't"

I got struck by lightning
while giving a high-five to a twelve year old. We switched bodies... Now I've got to go to class.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 th
of your life.

US Election
drinking game:

1. Start drinking.
2. Don't stop.

The fact that some people have given up on the facts, doesn't mean you have to.

Democracy is over(rated)

Besides everything: good morning.

Are vegetarians allowed to have butterflies in their stomach?

You: "New glasses? Looks super, man!"

Clark Kent: "..."

Outside a dog a book is man's best friend.

Inside a dog it's too dark to read.

"I hereby find you guilty
of murder and sentence you to death by electric chair.
What happens next will shock you."

Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Now pick your cats up!

Welcome all to this
workshop "handling
passive-aggressive
behaviour." First of
all: how wonderful
that at least SOME of you were able to be on time.

Next week another workshop "dealing with carelessness." But whether you're coming or not, is up to you.

Frankly, I didn't even believe in reincarnation during my past life.

No ping
No pong

Farewellcome.

Yesterday I glued an image of my missing streetlight on a cat.

Numbers are weird.
Odd even.

I just feel the need to mention something Nice about France.

The future
is open to
suggestions

Freddy was yellow out of the blue.

"Daisy who?"
- "Daisy me rollin', they hatin'."

Iceland / Football team

Finnbogason, Bjarnason, Gunnarsson, Sigurðsson, Sævarsson, Árnason,
Sigþórsson, Halldórsson.

I get it. You're all somebody's son.

He claims that I'm obsessed with orgies, foursome
reason.

"Up" exists
by the virtue
of "down."

Milk. That whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

The four new board members that will be accountable for the overall management of our Schizophrenia Association this year, are: Gerard.

"Is this dance music?"
- "No, it's John's."

Am I going to walk
the girl home or will Kyle Walker?

Rachel, Weisz your brother looking at me like that?

We need to start worrying about what kind of world we are going to leave for Keith Richards.

"Is London still on
the schedule?"
- "No, Londoff."

Manuel Neuer is a great asset to the team.

He is definitely
a keeper.

There is nothing worse than your phone charger getting stuck in
the wheels of your office chair and
that afterwards your parents die
in a forest fire.

My favourite Facebook notifications
are the ones
telling me
someone's
birthday was
yesterday.

Suicide is away of life

"Silence
is golden",
he said.

When the
world zigs,
zag.

$Chasing cars, chasing stars, attraction, distraction, contraction, infractions, suspensions, dimensions, inflections, intentions, redemptions, it's all connected, we're all affected and infected, rejected, or respected, absorbed and reflected, rebounded or dejected. Keep on, 'til you get it•apa$

Can you turn up the volume please?!
My girlfriend is trying to have
a conversation with me!

During a
KKK-meeting
you often hear
nothing but
white noise.

Long goodbyes.
Short goodbyes.
No goodbyes.

They all suck.

Just a matter of degree/whichever you consider a "lesser evil," subjective, like everything else.
Including the aftermath.

this is against penal code 66!

So, I woke up this morning, and there was this whole world; right outside my house!

Revenge is a dish best not served.

My alone time is sometimes for your safety.

I love you so much that there is almost no chance I'd use you as a bait during Zombie Apocalypse.

Does your wife know you're single..??

Ooops! I lost my to-do list. Now I have nothing to do.

I wonder how many Truths we have revealed in the Name of 'Just kidding'

I DON'T LIKE TO CALL IT REVENGE...

RETURNING THE FAVOUR SOUND'S MUCH NICER ;-)

There was so much frankness and so little jealousy because there was no hope.

One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.

if someone gets mad put a cape around their neck and say now you're super mad lol

Being unique, just like everyone else.

"Can I hold your hand?"
- "I can hold it myself, but thanks anyway."

Freddy wanted presence for his birthday.

Freddy sold things money couldn't buy on Amazon for a reasonable price.

You can't
diet on
an empty
stomach.

Whenever someone told Freddy to break a leg, he did.
And they never asked him to do so again.

People who suffer from Parkinson's disease make excellent cocktail shakers.

Whatever,
I have boobs.

Wish
thoughtful.

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

"I have to go to the loo."
- "Alright, see you later then. Toodeloo!"

I like people the way I like my tea.

I hate tea.

Aren't you that guy they always mix up with that other guy?

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

"Sorry I broke
your arm."
- "It's fine, I have another one."

"My sandwich was thrown on the railroad."
- "On purpose?"
"No, on the railroad."

"I think I'll call my newborn Patrick."
- "Sorry, that name
is already taken."

"Are you on Facebook?"
- "No, on business travel."

"Dad, what is a miscarriage?"
- "You."

"He drives his kids to school every day! Why don't you do that?"
- "Why? I don't even
know those kids."

"Pleased to meet you,
I'm Bob."
- "Bob! Well, that's a nice name. Did you come up with that yourself?"

"What are the odds?"
- "The ratio of probability of an event's occurring to the probability of its not occurring."

"Why do you always
have to procrastinate everything?"
- "Can we talk about
that later?"

What is life?
They say it's from
'B' (Birth) to 'D' (Death).
But what's between
'B' and 'D'? It's a 'C'.
So what is a 'C'?
It is a choice. Our life
is a matter of choices.
Live well and it will never go wrong ...

GGP

A holiday over the moon and all of a sudden my bagage seems weightless.

Do you have
a problem in life?

A) No? Then why worry?
B) Yes? Can you do
something about it?
- Yes? Then why worry?
- No? Then why worry?

Be happy - don't worry!

GGP

Someone
doesn't wish
you a happy
birthday on
Facebook.

So neither
do you.

To all of you alcoholics: stop drinking.

I don't like competition.

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

LISTEN TO SILENCE

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

The gym.

As if an architect was asked to design
the otiosity of life.

The result: a room
full of machines
going nowhere.

Here, take
my advice.
I'm not using
it anyway.

I don't always have time but when I do, I don't.

Undress
to impress.

If you are lonely when you are alone, you are bad company.

Friends forever.

Dying is not an excuse.

Politricks.

Less is

o
MO N

Today's therapy session for people with separation anxiety is cancelled due to the fact that last week's session hasn't finished yet.

Great minds think.

You don't
make friends with loneliness.

sh?rk

"Is it dark in there?"
- "Don't know, I can't
see a thing."

It's never too late to be late.

Alcohol damaged my short-term memory,
my long-time memory, but also my short-term memory.

Add a few dots in
the end to make your sentence appear more meaningful...

"Mind your step"
is a comment
that belongs on
a minefield.

I've been thinking
and I came to the conclusion that maybe I should do this more often.

Life is all about
give and take.

Giving someone
a hard time, for instance. By
taking his or her
lunch money.

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

Some problems are big enough to take care of themselves.

Freddy pointed out cups of tea that weren't his.

If you need
some space
for yourself
to be alone,
try Google+

neck tattoos used to mean watch out that guy is scary!

now they mean
i'd like to read you poems about my vegan bicycle

neck tattoos used to mean watch out that guy is scary!

now they mean
i'd like to read you poems about my vegan bicycle

No need to drive me crazy, I can walk from here

I get it other planets,
I have no life either.

You guys I did it. I finally did it. I ran out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time

AND, ALL TOO SUDDENLY, I REALISED THAT ALL PROMISES OF FOREVER ARE FATED TO BE BROKEN .

AND, ALL TOO SUDDENLY, I REALISED THAT ALL PROMISES OF FOREVER ARE FATED TO BE BROKEN .

Lifestyle.

Because life is what happens so why not do it in style.

Fashion
follows
style.