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Posts Liked by Sandra24

my secret talent is getting tired without doing anything

29

Good friends are like underpants, they cover your ass when you need them to.

36

It's all fun and games until your pants don't fit anymore.

20

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

278

My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitch in tampon commercials.

237

I don't have a short temper.

I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

17

Balloons
are so weird like Have A Happy Birthday !
Here's A plastic
SACK of my BREATH !

101

It's not that I'm tired.

It's just that I don't like standing on my feet with my eyes open.

36

Wenn Gott gewollt hätte, dass Frauen ihre Brüste ständig vergrössern oder verkleinern, hätte er statt Brustwarzen Fahrradventile angebracht.

35

please add me on your to do list

57

When people tell me "you're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep untill late afternoon because I'm a problem solver.

79

Who let me adult?

I can't adult.

41

If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail,
just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

10

Im beginning to think that this 'clumsy' thing isn't something you grow out of.

16

my therapist is crying.

maybe it was a little too much for him...

34

"Nobody says, hey, men should not
drink. It's all about women must dress
differently. Women must walk
differently. Women must drink
differently. Why are we not able to hold
men to account for this behavior?"

26

Man kann nicht sagen, dass mein Leben nur aus Niederlagen besteht. Es gibt auch Demütigungen, Blamagen, Pleiten und jede Menge Misserfolge.

7

According to Greek mythology, the first humans were created with four arms, legs, and eyes, and two noses and mouths. Afraid of their power, Zeus split them in two, leaving them to find their other half.

These people are called our soulmates.

18

Men use love to get sex.

Women use sex to get love.

Me?
I use coupons to get pizza.

35

i have trust issues because people have lying issues.

16

With guns you can kill
terrorists

With education you can kill terrorism

4

Die Liebe ist der Zustand, wo der Mensch die Dinge am meisten so sieht, wie sie nicht sind.

10

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I ORDERED!

21

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

459

"Homophobia- The fear that gay men will treat you the way you treat women."

62

I used to think you were my happily ever after, but now I've realized that you were only my once upon a time.

97

teaching my nephew how to eat healthy.

so i can use him as a organ doner when he grows up.

13

Wenn du jemanden gefunden hast, der dich genauso akzeptiert, wie du bist, dann solltest du diesen Irren heiraten.

12

Wer immer die Wahrheit sagt, muß sich weniger merken.

(Mark Twain)

16

DARLING,
JUST FUCKING OWN IT!

1

DIFFICULT ROADS
OFTEN LEAD
TO BEAUTIFUL
DESTINATIONS

102

Hearts are wild creatures. Thats why our ribs are cages.

5

Love isn't blind,
it's retarded.

109

People in love use phrases like;
"takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet."

I think they"re confusing love with attempted murder.

68

The hardest prison
to escape
is in
your mind.

27

sisters
before misters

14

Here's to the nights that turned into mornings with the friends that turned into family.
Cheers to you.

77

my heart says: summer

my body says: no

60

i have this bumper sticker that says "honk if you think i'm sexy" and then i wait at green lights until i feel better about myself.

135

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

100

Wine is like duct tape.

It fixes everything.

16

It's okay.

My comebacks are as epic as my fuck-ups.

90

God gave men a penis and a brain
but unfortunately not enough blood to handle both of them at once!

50

"Was stört Sie an Ihren Mitmenschen am meisten?"

"Ihre Anwesenheit."

46

Ich kenne
meine Grenzen.

Nicht dass ich ihnen irgendwelche Beachtung schenken würde, aber ich kenne sie.

38

roses are red, violets are blue - vodka is cheaper than dinner for 2 !

2

I fail in love too easily

1

I wish cancer got cancer and died.

1

Hab nachgemessen

Wochenende
war zu kurz

51

slut

a woman
with the
morals of a
man

56

Let's play the game called:

Will I regret this in the morning?

64

A black cat that cross your way on a friday the 13th, means that the cat is going somewhere.

10

I've never had a problem
that I couldn't make worse.

41

not everything happens for a reason, sometimes life just sucks
- alexa chung

1

I get far too little credit for all the things I don't say.

39

When you throw dirt, you lose ground.

4

wäre alles nur so einfach wie fett werden.

50

If sex, shots, or sleep can't solve it, you have a fucking problem.

182

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