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Posts Liked by zolamenga

i try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know i'm hilarious.

15

i love that our friendship is based on inappropriate humor, teasing others, and awkward sexual comments.

17

me: i have to tell you something

keith: what is it babe

me: i wrecked your car

keith: WHAT!?!?!

me: just kidding, i broke your xbox

keith: so my car is okay then

12

won't go back in bathroom until spider is gone! web search for "spider life span" reveals it will be 1 to 2 years before i can shower again.

13

me: mum there was another spider

mum: they're coming for their master

11

it's amazing that Lance Armstrong won 7 Tour de France while on drugs, when i was on drugs i lost my car.

11

i said help me, not hump me, asshole!

7

why are you staring at my ass like you need answers.

13

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