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MarkAgee

Standup. Wrote for 'Jeselnik Offensive' on Comedy Central. Currently working on TruTV's 'Comedy Knockout.'

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MarkAgee

There's nothing like the look on the face of a woman who has just entered a coffee shop and is praying you are not her Tinder date

23

Scientists have again landed a spacecraft on a proverbial dime on a planet 40 million miles away that rotates at 241 metres per second. Think I'm gonna trust them on this climate change stuff.

22

Since Ariel was 16 when she became human do you think she got her period immediately?

Boss: I meant any questions about the presentation.

12

This will always be remembered as the presidential election in which the KKK, the KGB and the FBI all supported the same candidate.

10

People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

11

2016: Paranoid about the Illuminati

2017: Holy shit I hope there's an Illuminati

7

My favorite kind of butt stuff is sitting

11

A lot of people on here joke about wanting to die, but I'm the only one who got a smoke detector that has a snooze button

7

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