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DEAR GOD,

PLEASE SEND CLOTHES TO THOSE POOR LADIES ON DADDY'S COMPUTER.

5

While it's crucial to be considerate of others, it's also reasonable to expect that individuals approach interactions with a degree of resilience and an awareness that not everyone may share the same views or experiences.

2

UNKEYBOARDINATED: self-explanatory

2

UNFARE: amount of money you owe a cab driver before you've moved an inch

2

EYE BROCCOLI: opposite of eye candy; someone really ugly looking

4

WHEN YOU SAID FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS....
I ASSUMED YOU OWNED A LIQUOR STORE?

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Consumption can never be satisfied because the logic of the consumable object demands the creation of new insatiable needs.

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* at a job interview *

"Can you perform under pressure?"

Me: "I'm not sure I know all the lyrics, but here goes nothing..."

5

For lorn
For get
For give
For ever

3

I don't need a destination to going places. I'll find where i have to be.

4

RELIGIOUS SPIRITS WILL ALWAYS DISAGREE AND DEBATE WITH THE SPIRIT OF FAITH.

5

My kids want a cat for Christmas.

...I usually do a turkey, but hey, whatever they want, right?

4

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE YOUR MOTHER IN LAW FOR CHRISTMAS....

HER SON BACK !!

6

YESTERDAY I WAS WASHING THE CAR WITH MY SON?
HE SAID: WHY CAN'T YOU USE A SPONGE LIKE A NORMAL DAD?!?

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I LIKE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. IN SOME WAY, IT HELPS ME KNOW THAT SOMEONE NEEDS MY FKD UP SENSE OF HUMOUR TO CHEER THEM UP!!

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you are my friend if you know me well and like me despite everything

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THE REASON WHY OUR FAMILIES ARE NOT THE SAME ANYMORE, IS BECAUSE WE BURIED THE ONES WHO USED TO KEEP FAMILY TOGETHER.

8

What
do you call
Santa taking a break?

A Santa Pause.

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ofrkjr

3

I really need a day between Sunday and Monday...

6

SHOULDA COULDA WOULDA the 3 duh brothers - they used to date the Lee sisters: UG, HOME AND LONE

1

Don't spend too long in the company of psychopaths.

3

a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

3

CATERPALLOR: the color you turn upon finding half a worm in the piece of fruit youre eating

2

INTAXICATION: euphoria you feel upon getting a tax return... until you remember it was your money to begin with

4

Eye contact
is more
intimate
than words
will ever be.

3

I can chew walk and gum at the same time

4

Beware the 'Orange Jesus'

4

my oxidation is high and so am I

4

I don't know how I keep going but I just do

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a woman must do something twice as well as a man in order to be considered half as good.....fortunately, this is not difficult ;-)

1

mediocrity killed the cat

1

if you think pushing 40 is hard, wait until you start dragging it

1

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