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On the lighter side of
my day, a six year old glued pom poms onto
the toes of my boots,
so I would look like
a Christmas elf.

29

No good can
ever come from thinking the sun shines out of your child's backside.

18

Oh my god, she's so hot
She's so flipping hot,
she's like a curry
I wanna tell her how hot she is but she'll think
I'm being sexist
She's so hot, she's
making me sexist...bitch.

16

90% of my bed belongs to my cats.
The other 10% is me clinging on to the edge for dear life.

10

What do you mean, jigsaws aren't cool?

5

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