retoperitz's Posts

2 THINGS:

If it makes you happy, do it.

If it doesn't, then don't.

Junomea and musissy like this

Oh you model?

Whose your agency? Instagram?

musissy, stefan_noth, baerble and Luenchen like this

What if i just started licking the dentists fingers while they were in my mouth

stefan_noth, musissy and baerble like this

My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness

sweetie01- and Luenchen like this

I wish I were as attractive to women as I am to mosquitoes.

baerble, _Nathalie_, musissy, Luenchen and guggigirl like this

If I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right. Just look.

t_treeman, stefan_noth, seppowitch, musissy, _Nathalie_ and guggigirl like this

Believe it or not, I'm not drunk...this is just my personality.

stefan_noth, musissy, Luenchen and _Nathalie_ like this

Me + You + Beer - You

= Happiness

guggigirl, Junomea, _Nathalie_ and Luenchen like this

Ich hoffe der Sommer fällt dieses Jahr auf einen Samstag.

stony, baerble and guggigirl like this

It's better to be late,
than to arrive ugly!

claudia likes this

Fact:

If take a fish out of water and put it on the ground, it will do the Harlem Shake for about 30 seconds.

janem803, claudia, guido, bold, _Nathalie_ and laut like this

It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.

mjf, hemko, claudia, musissy, guido and bold like this

If you get a call at 3:00am…

You probably weren’t first on the list.

bold, hebdifescht and musissy like this

Mein iPhone ist so oft an der Steckdose, dass es eigentlich ein Festnetztelefon ist.

meerstern, claudia, guggigirl, stony, 5011wireless, Erdmannlibob, _Nathalie_, bold, stefan_noth, Luenchen and 2 others like this

reposted by guggigirl

I really hate when my co-workers don't wake me up for my lunch break.

hemko, Junomea, _Nathalie_, stefan_noth and pasquale85 like this

Sometimes I see people at the gym and think, "what's the point? You can't work out your face."

kolelo and hebdifescht like this

Gipfelstürmer - die Lieblingsstimmen der Schweizer.

Jetzt SRF 1

#srfgipfelstürmer

If I was a bird,
I know who I'd shit on.

_Nathalie_ and kolelo like this

Oh shit, Monday,

not you again.

Sven and alice_98 like this

You know you're fat when you see a hash tag and it makes you hungry because it looks like a waffle.

#

soene, stefan_noth, bold and pasquale85 like this

4 out of 5 fingers agree that you’re a good driver.

upupandaway, Erdmannlibob and stefan_noth like this

One bad decision away from a good time...!

janem803, claudia, rockboyjoey, kolelo, bold and stefan_noth like this

reposted by bold, Kelsey_Fred and 3m1n

When I'm bored, nobody texts me.

When I'm busy, BAM! I'm the most popular person in the world.

_Nathalie_ and stefan_noth like this

That awkward moment when you're running and your boobs are bouncing...

...and you're a dude.

stefan_noth likes this

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

kolelo, unicornly and stefan_noth like this

If you don't feel horrible right now, you did last night wrong.

Happy 2013!

America, home of the obesity and skinny jean epidemic.

Monday, no work, fuck yes!

My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.

soene, Erdmannlibob, loryane, Junomea and hebdifescht like this

New Year.

New You.

FrankFilocamo, hemko, ly_liu and Junomea like this

reposted by FrankFilocamo

Es gibt wirklich nichts, was mich glücklicher macht, als Junkfood und Reality-TV.

# 1 rule during arguments:

If you're losing, start correcting their grammar.

upupandaway, Sven and Junomea like this

I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again...

RandiLee3, baerble, Sven, Junomea, GaylrdSprFckr, bold, hebdifescht and kolelo like this

reposted by kolelo

I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.

_Nathalie_ and Boldomatic like this

Nothing says
“I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.

hemko and bold like this

Man sagt jetzt nicht mehr Weihnachts-baum, sondern: Jahresabschluss-nadelpflanze mit religiös geprägtem
Illuminationshintergrund.

upupandaway, sandy_396, zeratul, kolelo and ZoJ like this

I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work.

rockboyjoey, hebdifescht and bold like this

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

principessa_r, guido, hebdifescht and bold like this

Ich bin nicht fett!

Mein Anzug ist extrem plüschig!

baerble, Erdmannlibob, ZoJ and wollinho like this

Ich komme aus der Zukunft.

Lirpae.. likes this

Ich denke,
dass du es nie verstehen würdest...

Jeder Rappen zählt! #JRZ12

hebdifescht and ZoJ like this

LOVE YOU ALL.

THANK YOU!!!

RedLove likes this

Why is Monday
so far from Friday,
and Friday so near
to Monday?

Reposted from noahveit

sarcaSM, piepa and leslucas like this

Und bald schon gibt es die ersten Tulpen.

snow + swing = perfect match.

mjf and leslucas like this

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wollinho likes this

Buy what you need and need less.

hebdifescht, bold and leslucas like this