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Posts Liked by JTR2

we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry

23

Monday hates you more

23

Bigfoot saw me but nobody believes him

46

If you truly want to forget someone,
put their name as your password.

71

So many likes when all you need is love

104

The risk I took was calculated..

But man,

I'm bad at math..

116

there's nothing in the dark that isn't there in the light.

93

I can't be the only one who's ever wanted to jump in a taxi and shout:

"Follow that car!"

102

If you see me eating a salad in a restaurant, I've been kidnapped and I am trying to signal you!

131

Mi papá tiene 47 años.
= My dad is 47 years old.

Mi papa tiene 47 anos.
= My potato has
47 assholes.

I love Spanish!

121

happiness sometimes sneaks in through a door you did not know you left open...

95

32

horngry

93

There’s nothing like your wife not winning the Powerball and watching her unpack her suitcase.

42

You better hope that Santa doesn't see your browser history

98

Sometimes,
it's the senselessness, that makes so much sense.

29

Sleeping alone is a waste of bed.

69

My gf told me: “Sex is better on holiday”. That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

95

be mine or make me yours

119

Either I'm in love or i'm in trouble.

178

discovering all the beautiful places surrounding us
by sunlight

86

your age is the number of times you went around the sun...

232

"tried" is only one step from "tired".

Hello, couch.

126

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

You know, long distance relationships are so hard, especially since my boyfriend lives in the future!

197

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

278

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?

Idiot, we're at a funeral!

All in one Word?

218

I used to be the kind of guy mums like.

Somehow I've ended up being the kind of guy that likes mums.

116

may the bridges I burn light the way

205

the only valentine's day cards
I'll accept are credit cards

159

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

294

Change is much more than just some coins in your pocket.

179

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

213

Trying to sleep like;
One sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old mac Donald had a farm,
HEE MACARENA!!!!

257

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

218

People who remind me of myself are the worst

167

And here starts another week without me being rich or famous.

182

There is a pretty good chance I'll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people.

178

Trust your heart, it beat before you were able to think!

230

if you've been left, go write

254

Let's go camping.

In a hotel.
With a pool. And a spa.

427

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

326

Not full of get up & go so much as lay down & die.

181

I like to be alone.
But I would rather be alone with you.

523

Anybody have any plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

320

I've never seen a Mcdonalds or a Burger King under construction.

They just show up.

389

I wish I had boobs so people would stop making eye contact with me.

458

bock auf candle light döner?

373

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

379

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

427

I'm not interested in where you work, or what you wear, or what your favorite color is, I'm interested in what you think.

266

I'm having one of those days that's not a Saturday.

233

I wish cake went straight to my boobs.

215

I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.

211

Don't be sad laundry,
no one is doing me either

222

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

222

if you rearrange the letters in

MOTHER IN LAW

you get

WOMAN HITLER

184

and I drink to myself...

what a wonderful world

189

Kiss me like your ex is watching

256

NEW SHOES DARLING?

~ deja fucking vu

81

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up.

No, the other one...

195

Ironically, the fight between the mind and the heart always ends up hurting the liver.

417

some are playing hard to get while i'm playing hard to want

285

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

734

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

494

Sun goes down earlier for short people.

664

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

Es kommt anders WENN
man denkt!

21

Me? Crazy?

I should get down from this unicorn and slap you!

30

would you still believe in what you believe in if you were the only one who believed it?

12

Sometimes i grab my boobs. Because, well, I can.

42

Kontostand gesehen.

Über Prostitution nachgedacht.

19

die Hand voller Asse, doch die Welt spielt Schach

10

there is nothing to fix when everything is broken

31

We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.

37

I love you with all my penis.

97

I'm like an iphone.
I lose energy without doing anything.

84

Das Smartphone hat mir so viele Arbeitsabläufe erleichtert, die ich vorher gar nicht hatte.

26

Do you have to leave so soon?

I was just about to poison the tea.

45

A Blind Man walks into a
bar.
And a table.
And a chair.

108

"Wie lange sitzten
sie schon im
Wartezimmer ?"

"32%"

27

Ich bin heute so motiviert, ich könnte Bäume ansehen.

40

Ich gehöre zu einer nacktaktiven Spezies.

14

art washes away from the soul
the dust of daily life.

22

Gestern beim Grillen hatte ich:
6 Vodka
1l Sekt
9 Gläser Wein
3 Bratwürste
4 Steaks
1 Banane

Heute ist mir schlecht. Scheiss Banane

32

You're my 4am thoughts.

18

Gehen wir faulen auch in den Himmel oder werden wir abgeholt ?

40

Früher mussten wir noch mit der Taschenlampe unter der Bettdecke lesen.

Heute leuchten die Bücher von selbst.

33

Und während man mit sich noch diskutiert, was man will und was nicht, reibt sich das Herz die Hände und schmiedet grinsend Pläne.

31

Da will man mal in Ruhe das ganze Haus putzen und was passiert!

Man hat keine Lust.

32

Lass mich noch
kurz überlegen
bevor ich nein
sage.

33

Manchmal lege ich mich beim Duschen hin und bade.

31

Das Leben ist zu kurz.
Und zu lang.
Und zu bunt.
Und zu grau.
Und zu laut.
Und zu leise.
Und zu heiter.
Und zu traurig.
Man weiß es nicht.

27

In der IKEA:

2 % Möbel kaufen

2 % Möbel ansehen

96 % Bleistifte klauen
und Hot-Dogs essen

38

I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't wanna be there

52

Too many books..
so little
time •

53

Let's
can't sleep
together •

72

if britney spears made it through 2007 then you can make it through this day.

18

Streite nie mit einer Frau die gereizt, depressiv, emotional, launenhaft, nervös empfindsam, unglücklich, müde oder hungrig ist.
Oder atmet.

31

BY THE WAY,
I'M WEARING
THE SMILE
YOU GAVE ME.

220

Ich will nicht behaupten, dass ich morgens schwer in die Gänge komme, aber der Bewegungsmelder im Treppenhaus reagiert schon mal nicht.

40

you can run from a place

and you can mask a feeling

but you can't simply erase

if you want true healing.

22

some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about

160

! M E R D E !

shit always sounds better in french

71

Too dumb for science?
Try religion.

101

"Women are made to be loved,not understood."

~ Oscar wilde

149

"Don't worry,
the spider is
smaller than
you"

"...yeah, so is a
grenade"

176

Wenn man zu viel nachdenkt, erschafft man Probleme die es eigentlich gar nicht gibt.

31

your so ugly that hello kitty said goodbye to you

100

Life is too short to remove USB safely.

108

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

531

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

582

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

After lunch, I enjoy taking a walk in the park, breathing some fresh air and throwing cats at people doing yoga.

49

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

153

BOLD IS THE BEST APP EVER INSTALLED IN ME.

Auto Posted by my iPhone

23

Gartenarbeit entspannt.

Kommt aber natürlich auch immer ganz darauf an, wen man da gerade vergräbt.

60

Normal is getting
dressed in clothes
that you buy for work
& driving through traffic
in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, aaaand the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to leave in it...

171

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

288

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

703

Wir gehn steil!

8

If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we'd have a pretty good time.

Edith Wharton

2

who do you become when you can't be yourself?

3

gern mit dir mal küssengehn

3

"So ist das Leben" ,sagte der Clown und malte sich mit Tränen in den Augen ein Lächen ins Gesicht!

9

TOO MUCH IS NEVER ENOUGH

2

friday is my 2nd favourite "f-word".

15

Pornos sind wie Zigaretten.

Die selbstgedrehten

sind die besten.

5

Scott me up
beamy!

4

scientist have finally discovered whats wrong with the male brain.
on the left side there is nothing right.
on the right side there is nothing left.

2

Schon beim Begrüßungskuss hatte ich nicht übel Lust,
dich zu drücken bis du deine Bluse noch mal Bügeln musst

8

Das ihr alle so früh Morgens gut drauf seid erstaunt mich immer wieder.

14

nur eine nachricht von dir kann meine laune komplett verändern!

8

I used eyedrops to show how much the loss of you affect me, didn't want waste my own tears.

1

Als Single hungert man sich dünn,
um einem anderen schlanken Menschen zu gefallen, mit dem man dann gemeinsam fett werden kann.

29

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

Ich mag Freunde.

Einige meiner besten Freunde sind Freunde.

25

Morgens gehe ich oft aus der Tiefgarage nochmal auf die Straße um auf dem Firmenschild zu lesen, was wir eigentlich machen im Büro...

27

I'm kinda nervous about 2014 because
2+0+1+4= 7

...and you know how many nipples Hitler would have if he had 5 more?

Thats right, 7.

54

Männer finden ja Sex vor der Ehe richtig toll...

...bis sie Väter von Mädchen werden.

21

100% of non-
smokers die too.

213

You are
the average of the five people you spend the most time with •

58

Carpe Noctem

Seize The Night.

111

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

78

Let's do the rabbit thing.

115

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

I WANT TO HAVE TEXT WITH YOU.

257

If fantasy was realistic -
reality would be fantastic.

181

optimists claim that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.

pessimists are scared that might be true.

135

Home sweet mess.

264

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

271

STRESSED

spelled
backward
is

DESSERTS

320

I just awesomed all over the place.

317

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

367

finally friday.

202

I'm sick about all the Irish stereotypes!
As soon as I finish this drink, I'm punching someone.

218

i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.

234

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

320

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

LISTEN TO SILENCE

417

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

959

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.
I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

91

If you're ugly, please leave before I wake up.

93

True friends say good things behind your back and bad things to your face.

100

Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?

95

until 0% battery do us part

77

Wenn mich das Leben fickt, denke ich oft dabei an jemand anderen!

78

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