AyWeiWei's Posts

When you close your eyes and listen very carefully, you can hear the universe laughing at your high hopes.

#high

blacknote, busylizzie1, Fionacatherine, JMBis, niemo, DominicLomax, CurrentNobody, lonelyscribe, guggigirl and Babs_77 like this

so horny for updates

#extra

CurrentNobody and AndSheCame like this

I almost believed for a moment that things would get better but then they didn't and it was not even close.

DominicLomax, CurrentNobody and AndSheCame like this

nonononono what the fuck, it's happening again

I'm awake

DominicLomax, locupleto, CurrentNobody and AndSheCame like this

I would have given you all my heart but don't you fucking touch my food.

#extra

Fionacatherine, Ziya and CurrentNobody like this

At least we have tomorrow

Bettydent, techor, CurrentNobody, AndSheCame and bold like this

Short people smell it first.

#who, #farted

BoldDelight, techor, CurrentNobody and bold like this

Sometimes I faint just to stop eating

#stop

shankarrkn, BohoGypsy, CurrentNobody, techor and Fionacatherine like this

Log off and make me a sandwich.

#stop

shankarrkn, CurrentNobody, techor, AndSheCame and Fionacatherine like this

I love people I'm just very disappointed in most of them.

#stop

timothy21, Ziya, DominicLomax, CurrentNobody, techor, BoldDelight and Fionacatherine like this

People who get reincarnated these days deserve a refund.

#reincarnation, #bad, #timing

DominicLomax, Fionacatherine, MyM, AndSheCame and CurrentNobody like this

For a PM to stay true to a shaggy blonde mane it takes balls, yet, he's still a cunt.

#british

DominicLomax, OceanBlue, timothy21 and CurrentNobody like this

#british

OceanBlue and CurrentNobody like this

Your accent smells like fish and chips.

#british

DominicLomax, CurrentNobody and Ziya like this

The scientific term for stingray is seaschnitzel.

#whoknew

somekindofme, OceanBlue, CurrentNobody and petegutz2 like this

Objects are just things that prefer to stay anonymous

#getaname, #silly, #items

OceanBlue, CurrentNobody and DominicLomax like this

They should have killed Paul McCartney instead.

#nofilter, #JohnLennon

CurrentNobody and fidosh146 like this

My doctor mentioned you when he explained the colonoscopy.

BoldDelight, OceanBlue, MyM, fidosh146 and CurrentNobody like this

Is it just me who gets oddly aroused by buffets?

#bigquestions

AndSheCame, CurrentNobody and fidosh146 like this

#bigquestions

CurrentNobody and busylizzie like this

Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?

#bigquestions, #read, #internet, #quote

CurrentNobody likes this

what a weird time to be happy

#rebellion

Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody and AndSheCame like this

Fat people don't jump to conclusions.

#weight, #jumping, #earthbound, #physics

timothy21, CurrentNobody and IAmNerdWord like this

The biggest problem with my stupidity is that you made
me your president.

patekphilippe, Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody, kenwats and IAmNerdWord like this

What makes me most qualified for this job is my pure ignorance and the persistent erectile dysfunction Ivanka laughs about.

- Donald Silent Trumpet

#Donald, #rage

Fionacatherine likes this

I'm Donald Cunt - President in the united state of bloodlust and bogus.

I make things worse since for too long.

#Trump, #Shit

DominicLomax, IAmNerdWord and Fionacatherine like this

true words never fail

BoldDelight, AndSheCame, CurrentNobody, crftmgk and bold like this

Having a sense of purpose is like shaking hands, I'm not doing it.

ThemeSubject, CurrentNobody and crftmgk like this

Why is it called to do sth. 'for a living' and not 'to pay taxes'?

ThemeSubject and CurrentNobody like this

There's an answer for everything and that answer is pie.

#cake, #spoon, #bitesize, #slice, #heaven

BoldDelight and CurrentNobody like this

I changed my safe word to hospitalization

CurrentNobody, GaylrdSprFckr, DominicLomax and Fionacatherine like this

And on the second day of May, God created the Mayonnaise. It's science.

#mayonnaise

mehr, Sherry89, BoldDelight, CurrentNobody, GaylrdSprFckr, DominicLomax, Fionacatherine and Ziya like this

I've been shown the door.

It's a fabulous door, nice woodwork, elegant swing to both directions. Bravo!

-Juliane-, CurrentNobody, GaylrdSprFckr, AndSheCame and Fionacatherine like this

Oh look. More stupid pouring from my face hole.

#potus

bold, atheist, petegutz2, Stig300, perellano, JodieT, rolandmorgan, kenwats, timothy21, CurrentNobody and 3 others like this

Mike Pence's ball sweat is the worst.

#potus, #Vice

bold, JodieT, kenwats, timothy21, CurrentNobody, Fionacatherine and Ziya like this

Sex with houseplants isn't illegal, just frowned upon. Same thing with this guy, fucking an entire country.

#potus

BoldDelight, JodieT, timothy21, kenwats, CurrentNobody and Fionacatherine like this

Opening my mouth makes me say stupid things.

#potus

sonybox, perellano, JodieT, timothy21, kenwats, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

Who taught the giant fruit loop to talk? Why is it ranting on twitter all the time? And when can we stop calling it "the president"?

#potus

petegutz2, perellano, BoldDelight, JodieT, timothy21, kenwats, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

My five-year plan is to survive 2020 and then regret it.

DominicLomax, AaronKharbanda, ThemeSubject, lazyimperfecti, MyM, timothy21 and CurrentNobody like this

reposted by CurrentNobody

I finally have time to trap a raccoon and train it for politics.

#stayhome

ThemeSubject, lazyimperfecti, AyWeiWei, MyM, CurrentNobody, timothy21 and Fionacatherine like this

I just got impeached for making a perfect sandwich.

sarcaSM, techor, kenwats, CurrentNobody, Fionacatherine and timothy21 like this

What is dust even doing?

sarcaSM, BoldDelight, techor, Selinzoe, kenwats, CurrentNobody and timothy21 like this

It's kind of sad that street lamps look so sad.

#notice, #streetlife, #nightwatch, #patrol

sarcaSM, techor, Selinzoe, kenwats, CurrentNobody and timothy21 like this

The worst thing about growing a beard is the hair.

#beard

DominicLomax, bold, IAmNerdWord, BoldDelight and CurrentNobody like this

Excuse me while I slip into something more out of sight.

IAmNerdWord, AndSheCame, DominicLomax and CurrentNobody like this

Before you hit reply, ask yourself if it would make you happier to just get hit by a bus.

#looping, #convos, #BS

crftmgk and CurrentNobody like this

Reality is a sucker for dreamers.

#dreamers, #feed, #reality

JodieT, Fionacatherine, MyM, CurrentNobody and AndSheCame like this

opinions are crayons for reality

#painting, #pictures, #shades, #reality, #universe, #matters

BoldDelight, JodieT, MyM, DominicLomax, bold, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

Remember, when you need me, just keep looking.

#Forever, #NoCalls

yudhitriyogo, techor, CurrentNobody and itsme. like this

I'm lazy but at least I have no patience.

#what?

Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

The scariest part about social disorder is my personality

Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody and itsme. like this

Who would bring a needle to a haystack in the first place?

Stig300, bold, zefrances, perellano, JodieT, BoldDelight, Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody and itsme. like this

Relationships would be easier if it didn't involve people.

Dolora, swatchUSA, Campo, fictionallie, juliettebravo, wortwurster, OnlineGuy, EmilyHeller, DominicLomax, Boldomatic and 13 others like this

reposted by CurrentNobody, Boldomatic and CowBranch

If I ever have sex again I hope I'm awake.

zetto, zefrances, JodieT, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

If anyone needs me I'll be over here breathing and doing many important things and stuff.

bold, zefrances, JodieT, BoldDelight, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

In sleepless dreams I walk alone.
The face of night watching,
a stranger's thing.

#solitude

bold, zefrances and CurrentNobody like this

The chaos in my head is pristine.

blacknote, eulekauzig, BoldDelight, bold, Fionacatherine, AndSheCame, CurrentNobody, zefrances and timothy21 like this

Stop trying to keep everything together. That's pathetic.

NerdWord, timothy21, CurrentNobody and FrankFilocamo like this

My love for you is never ending.
My patience is another story.

BoldDelight, NerdWord, comanzatara, timothy21, AndSheCame, CurrentNobody and FrankFilocamo like this

fuck u robot
i am water

Reposted from McPollo

#drop, #PLO

eulekauzig, bold, NerdWord, CurrentNobody and FrankFilocamo like this

member of the alienation

BoldDelight, FrankFilocamo, DominicLomax and CurrentNobody like this

I give my consent

#igetit

octothorpe, timothy21, CurrentNobody, AndSheCame, zefrances and coagulatedpi like this

The cardiologist touched my heart.

#igetit

DominicLomax, UserOne, swatchUSA, coagulatedpi, bold, octothorpe, Fionacatherine, MyM, BoldDelight, busylizzie and 2 others like this

reposted by BoldDelight

And it's not the habit of cultured men to harangue about the education they have.

#vulgar

timothy21 and JodieT like this

The universe has a dark sense of humour. But what's the matter?

#dark, #matter

sarcaSM, octothorpe, BoldDelight, Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody, bold, timothy21 and MyM like this

reposted by octothorpe

A grotesque old man,
Looking back from the mirror,
Fuck off - where am I?

Reposted from DominicLomax

#lostyou, #lostme

octothorpe, timothy21, CurrentNobody and bold like this

We're all just passengers on this
pale blue dot.

#planet, #earth, #riders, #universe

BoldDelight, Fionacatherine, DominicLomax, timothy21 and CurrentNobody like this

things you're grateful for > stuff you wish for = humble life

@Fionacatherine

timothy21, Andromenadda, CurrentNobody, Fionacatherine and AndSheCame like this

Just lick the mustard off my toes and stop asking questions.

#mustard, #vibes

DeanFlumiani, ThemeSubject and BoldDelight like this

Before we get started let me laminate my to do list.

blacknote, DeanFlumiani, Fionacatherine, arxvis, BoldDelight and CurrentNobody like this

I'm emotionally available for mustard.

#desire, #sausage, #state, #mind, #mustard

blacknote, ThemeSubject, bold, Fionacatherine, arxvis, BoldDelight and CurrentNobody like this

Time brings truth into focus or oblivion. Choose your fireworks.

#4thOfJuly

AndSheCame, CurrentNobody and DominicLomax like this

I got distracted. The chains rattle too loudly.

What are we celebrating again?

#4thOfJuly, #independence, #in, #chains

CurrentNobody and Fionacatherine like this

Noah, where is my yacht?

Kiks and CurrentNobody like this

The top 10 things in my life are lists.

Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

Stop thinking things.

#lesson

Campo, JodieT, CurrentNobody and AndSheCame like this

My cv is a bouquet of red flags.

#filing, #applications, #to, #nowhere

BoldDelight, JodieT and CurrentNobody like this

Tripping.

The sport of my people.

#ouch

JodieT and CurrentNobody like this

I can't wait to never fall in love again.

#again

Textli, roosterbear, timothy21, Tanascha, skk1607, sarcaSM, EmilyHeller, MarcellaA, perellano, Authlander and 17 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic

When in doubt go masturbate. Nothing can be as good, or as bad, as a wank to clear your mind.

#flapflap

DeanFlumiani, kenwats, CurrentNobody, bold and DominicLomax like this

the higher the volume the more questionable the opinion

#shouting, #bullshit

busylizzie, Lautdenker., kenwats, CurrentNobody, bold, DominicLomax and guggigirl like this

Politicians are the celery of the human species.

busylizzie, JodieT, bold, kenwats, CurrentNobody and Ziya like this

Evolution turned apes into assholes

#Humans

DeanFlumiani, MonoGate, mad_bad_and..., bmj, Bettydent, eulekauzig, busylizzie, Drakonan, perellano, petegutz2 and 9 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic and karlokoenig

Time is preciouswaste it wisely.

#Time, #life, #machine

Piperhouse, JodieT, DominicLomax, CurrentNobody and kenwats like this

The afterlife knows no calories.

#funeral

MyM, mehr and CurrentNobody like this

I embrace the idea of people crying over
me, unless my funeral is involved.

#funeral

MyM and CurrentNobody like this

many things are the worst

Reposted from sosadtoday

#PLO, #worst

moyoT likes this

Don't turn the page, burn the fucking book.

#enough

-Juliane-, Lautdenker. and moyoT like this

You can call me what you like but never call me inspirational.

#NoShit

kenwats, Krusa and CurrentNobody like this

Truth

just happens

#boom

DeanFlumiani, springfire, Ziya, eulekauzig, Fionacatherine, MyM, kenwats, crafty and CurrentNobody like this

yet

tomorrow is nonchalant

springfire, crafty and CurrentNobody like this

expecting the worst helps me digest

#digestion, #flush

crafty, JodieT, CurrentNobody and ZeepBella like this

roses are red, attempts to find meaning in life are doomed to fail, endive sounds worse than chicorée

#period

crafty, Krusa, JodieT and CurrentNobody like this

forecast: shit and agony

#period

vk10, Krusa, JodieT and CurrentNobody like this

giving up is so en vogue

JodieT and CurrentNobody like this

My soul is hungry but all that's in store is a sandwich of leftover feelings.

#frozen

DominicLomax, JodieT, CurrentNobody and ZeepBella like this

Turn more pages.

Press less buttons.

#read, #more, #consume, #less

blacknote, vk10, JodieT, CurrentNobody, ZeepBella and Ziya like this

The saddest thing about the future is the empty trail it leaves behind.

#lost, #moments, #chances, #actions, #doubt, #blockade

DominicLomax, JodieT, CurrentNobody and Ziya like this

Look at us how busy we are fucking our dear planet into a coma.

#period

Fionacatherine, Krusa, juliettebravo, JodieT, Ziya, Authlander, MyM, timothy21, crafty, DominicLomax and 2 others like this

reposted by DominicLomax

There are 50 states in the U.S. Wyoming is the smallest in terms of pupulation, while most people live in the state of denial about their president's wrongdoing.

#diva

Ziya, JodieT and CurrentNobody like this

You're fake,
like most orgasms I never had.

#dave

FlowSkirt, 2ten8love, heyyooomayyooo and CurrentNobody like this

Tell the universe Dave says hi

#dave

Ziya, Krusa, Kalief, CurrentNobody and JodieT like this

If you see a woman crying, ask her if she's crying because she ate kale.

#kale

Krusa, CurrentNobody and ZeepBella like this

Irony is drawing trees on paper.

#irony, #noun

Bigsleep, dannyzee and CurrentNobody like this

popcorn for a weird tomorrow

#tomorrow, #unknown

AQUARIUSLIBRA, CurrentNobody, kenwats and JodieT like this

Life is miserable and everybody dies (add sth funny here).

#draft

ZeepBella, sera_la_dera and CurrentNobody like this

Staying alive is not enough.

#draft

ZeepBella, crafty, kenwats and CurrentNobody like this

When your thoughts are dirty, know what to do.

#omen

bold, crafty, janem803, CurrentNobody, Krusa and MapPizzaReason like this

You can't always get what you autocorrect.

#truthbomb

sera_la_dera, crafty, kolelo, ZeepBella, weekender, CurrentNobody and ChrisRota like this

Smelling your partner's farts will help you live longer.

#truthbomb, #TheInternet

weekender, CurrentNobody and MapPizzaReason like this

Sinningneeds practice too

#truthbomb

weekender, ChrisRota, dannyzee, MapPizzaReason and CurrentNobody like this

The real Donald Trump is a papaya.

#Dear2019

crafty, taiallan, dannyzee, Fionacatherine and timothy21 like this

May 2019 be the year
they love their kids more than their guns.

#Dear2019

Stig300, crafty, murifi, kolelo, petarrrrr, dannyzee, Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody and timothy21 like this

Don't waste my thyme.

#cooking, #thyme

crafty, petarrrrr, ChrisRota, Fionacatherine, Drakonan, CurrentNobody and timothy21 like this

Don't get tired of yourself too soon.

#uncensored

janem803, Krusa, crafty, Ziya, AyWeiWei, JulesRais and Lautdenker. like this

Your hands are huge compared to your brains.

#Trump, #Fail, #fishy, #cnt

Kiks, Petronius, ConvertSociety, MyM, CurrentNobody, timothy21 and bold like this

Let's arm everyone and hope for the best. More arms, less shootings, makes total sense.

#Dear2019, #not

Krusa, crafty and CurrentNobody like this

Take these broken wings and make chicken stock.

#song, #lyrics, #kitchen, #essen, #e

crafty, ConvertSociety, MyM, CurrentNobody, bold, timothy21 and PennyLame like this

Give me truth with a slice of meaning.

#Dear2019

dodgerblue, petarrrrr, crafty, Ziya, Krusa, Authlander, MyM, JodieT, Petronius, CurrentNobody and 2 others like this

It's not too late, for someone.

Petronius, CurrentNobody, mehr, MyM and janem803 like this

Have you heard of the library? It's like Netflix for people with intellect.

#Netflix, #books, #brains

DominicLomax, wookie, MakeRelations, sera_la_dera, perellano, dor1316, Bartjan, skk1607, Ziya, jazz23 and 19 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, RoundCoffee, huzy, madamem. and jayfizzzzle

I was a shy kid, a late developer stuck in a fantasy world. I spent my teenage years masturbating. The rest of my life I just wasted.

bold, ZeepBella, Fionacatherine, JodieT, Petronius, comanzatara, Drakonan and crafty like this

grant me the perversity to make fun of the things I cannot change

#karma

bold, crafty, Petronius, timothy21 and PennyLame like this

Influencers waste space on the internet for a living.

@bold

crafty, timothy21, Kiks and Petronius like this

This garbage truck on fire reminds me of my childhood.

#warm, #harm

crafty, springfire, ChrisRota, zefrances, timothy21, Petronius, JodieT and PennyLame like this

Hey guy in the mirror,

sometimes
I don't recognize you.

springfire, Fionacatherine, Vandtastic, ChrisRota, zefrances, Petronius, ThoughtBoy, bold and ZeepBella like this

#mine

dannyzee, timothy21 and CityCharacter like this

just enough madness

#mine

dannyzee, CityCharacter and janem803 like this

Imagine Donald Trump was your choice.

#destination, #fucked, #ouch, #fail

Petronius likes this

I just want to go to prison to drop the soap.

Llouise and timothy21 like this

I just did 12347 sit-ups and faked numbers.

#ego

Petronius, Fionacatherine, springfire, ThoughtBoy and bold like this

You're not allowed to donate blood if you voted for Trump.

#stil, #donate, #today, #thanks

Petronius and Fionacatherine like this

Not now, bitch.

I'm busy playing the banjo.

#ego, #selfie

Fionacatherine likes this

Living in denial makes it feel more real.

perellano, Ziya, jmb, springfire, bold, blondie1968, janem803, CityCharacter, Petronius, comanzatara and 2 others like this

reposted by blondie1968 and rachelkisses

The $1 bill is the bill we are most likely to give children, and the one most likely to have been in a strippers underwear.

Reposted from anonymous

#stripper, #postcards, #PLO

GreatSmile, janem803, petegutz2, beingme and ThoughtBoy like this

The best thing that ever happened to me was growing up in the 80ies.

#childhood

Llouise, GreatSmile, InfluenceNoise and ChrisRota like this

Mom always said work hard, clean your room and be nice to people on the internet.

#fuckit

GreatSmile, CityCharacter and ThoughtBoy like this

She offered me the world. But it slid off the counter.

#fuckit, #gone

GreatSmile, ThoughtBoy and janem803 like this

Heil emptiness and panda babies for keeping this shit together.

#nonsense

GreatSmile, Andromenadda, zefrances and bold like this

All my personalities admire you. But Bob wants to see you naked.

#nonsense

janem803 likes this

Unfortunately, we no longer offer the pantyhose recycling program, but we are still committed to protecting our environment. Let's order some pizza.

#nonsense, #Twitter, #inspired

zefrances and bold like this

Sense is sitting lonely in the corner of the social mansion. Purpose lost it and Gratitude does the walk of shame.

#nonsense

bold likes this

quinoa is spelled as it tastes

#random, #nonono, #wrong

Llouise, jmb, DominicLomax, timothy21, beingme, Kiks and ChrisRota like this

Horseradish mayo lollipops for my funeral.

#invited, #last, #wish

timothy21, beingme, Kiks and ChrisRota like this

I like you people with all the writing, grammar and letters everywhere.

#boldomatic, #word, #tribe

timothy21, beingme, Kiks, janem803 and springfire like this

I told Prince Harry about you.

Sex is like pizza.

Turtles have it and I miss it.

#what?

GreatSmile, timothy21, beingme, CityCharacter, ChrisRota, InfluenceNoise, ZeepBella and shespeaks94 like this

The best thing about turning old is that you finally start dying on the outside, too.

#age

InfluenceNoise, jmb and timothy21 like this

reposted by DominicLomax

Fast but faulty...

useless speed.

Reposted from Andromenadda

#faulty, #pace, #PLO

We think we live but basically we're just untangling headphones.

#life, #evil, #forces

Sunshine123 and Ziya like this

Life is like a microwave. I don't know how to use it.

#life, #time

DominicLomax, Sunshine123, Andromenadda, timothy21, ZeepBella, ChrisRota, InfluenceNoise and sarcaSM like this

* waves the neighbors

Bob and Cindy are fucking on the lawn again.

DominicLomax, Sunshine123, Andromenadda, timothy21, ChrisRota and InfluenceNoise like this

Your success smells like my son's diapers on a bad day.

#game

Sunshine123, Andromenadda, ZeepBella, comanzatara and InfluenceNoise like this

They brainwash society until there's nothing left to wash.

FrankFilocamo, guggigirl, ThoughtBoy, JodieT, Sunshine123, Drakonan, Authlander, timothy21, ChrisRota, InfluenceNoise and 1 other like this

Welcome to the shit show of life.

Take a seat -
if you can afford it to pay attention.

sera_la_dera, FrankFilocamo, ThoughtBoy, JodieT, Sunshine123, Drakonan, timothy21 and InfluenceNoise like this

"Oh, I get it now."

- Me, year 2049

Stig300, sera_la_dera, FrankFilocamo, ThoughtBoy, JodieT, Sunshine123, timothy21 and InfluenceNoise like this

The future is now and it sucks.

#time, #traveller

FrankFilocamo, ThoughtBoy, JodieT, Sunshine123, timothy21, ChrisRota, Vandtastic and InfluenceNoise like this

I didn't mean to slide into your comfort zone but the floor was waxed.

Textli, Bartjan, Llouise, Andromenadda, Fionacatherine, Sherry89, jmb, Francisca21, Fabriciuz, IfAnimal and 20 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, PrincessKisses, krystal, panzo64, Marcella, Llouise and siouxz

Everything hurts but the lies I tell myself.

guggigirl, ThoughtBoy, JodieT, Sunshine123, Vandtastic and InfluenceNoise like this

I was looking for the right emoji but I gave up.

#cancelled

Textli, madamem., Luenchen, albiin, bold, Authlander, ElfiEdel, misterlab, guggigirl, ThoughtBoy and 7 others like this

reposted by guggigirl

Fill the void with empty promises of tomorrow.

#void, #empty, #feelings, #us

dodgerblue, timothy21, crafty, JodieT, meohmy, dannyzee, beingme, eulekauzig, InfluenceNoise, ThoughtBoy and 1 other like this

Try not to embarrass me...

#5wordstory, #thebeginning

meohmy, JodieT, beingme, janem803 and PennyLame like this

When I was your age...

#5wordstory, #repeat

timothy21, petegutz2, benbold, Campo, Fionacatherine, meohmy, JodieT, Sunshine123, roosterbear, crafty and 1 other like this

reposted by zeux

As a Jew, it sucks.

#5wordstory, #Jew, #single, #human, #man, #...

JodieT and beingme like this

If you truly want to forget someone,
put their name as your password.

#lifehack, #brain, #trust, #irony

NatureYear, lonelyscribe, prubton, alec_sander, dodgerblue, petarrrrr, Nila9999, Bartjan, sera_la_dera, timothy21 and 28 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, hopeless36, bonotis, asahdeazi, jetpunch, jetpunch, jetpunch, jetpunch and NailSpeaker

If at first you don't succeed, you're probably trying to backup your iPhone.

#rituals

timothy21, bold, wendywx22, petegutz2 and chipdicks like this

Truth is diamonds are just dinosaur boogers.

timothy21, petegutz2, bold, sosoandso and chipdicks like this

I may have a small font
but I can type all night.

#rituals

MakeRelations, sera_la_dera, Bartjan, Bettydent, locupleto, leo1980, Sunshine123, OnlineGuy, MarcellaA, meohmy and 23 others like this

reposted by chipdicks and Boldomatic

It's like shooting fish in a barrel of squirrels.

#social, #life

wendywx22 likes this

Can you catch ignorance from a toilet seat?

#agent, #orange, #foxfart, #Donald

timothy21, bold, wendywx22, sosoandso and chipdicks like this

My life is just one endless string of me picking up pens that don't work.

#rituals

timothy21, comanzatara, bold, wendywx22, GreatSmile and chipdicks like this

I read pussy and I smell pussy, despite your first name, Marc you're a cunt.

#empty, #words, #promises

timothy21 and FrankFilocamo like this

The word "adult" has become obsolete in today's society.

#society, @erin.desmond

timothy21, wendywx22, sosoandso, petegutz2 and Fionacatherine like this

#Mood

wendywx22 and Fionacatherine like this

guess who's
tired of everyone's
bullshit?

timothy21, wendywx22, wizeoldsoul, dianecruz, Fionacatherine, janem803, bold and sarcaSM like this

my other
half is on
holiday

#holiday

McPollo, MakeRelations, Bartjan, wendywx22, wizeoldsoul, FutureFeel, hallowelt, Stiltskin, Campo, niemo and 23 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, ermosa, smeralda, redikryeziu, heidierdbeer and Campo

perfection is a mistake

FrankFilocamo, ChrisRota, wendywx22, wizeoldsoul and bold like this

reposted by wendywx22 and ChrisRota

close your eyes to see this painting

#words, #paint, #wet

Fionacatherine, Orkid and sosoandso like this

I'm not depressed. I'm realistic. Art makes me drunk.

#artistseye

zefrances and juneocallagh like this

Reposted from natalieraymond

#repeat, #beginning, #plo

wendywx22, janem803 and PennyLame like this

I get it iPhone display,
I'm broken too.

#life, #fragments, #splitter

timothy21, wendywx22, PennyLame and fart like this

knit your own recipe for disaster

#thinkfreely

timothy21, wendywx22, weekender and fart like this

*knits a new social order

#thinkfreely

Bartjan, Pepsi2018, FrankFilocamo, AnimalCatch, Authlander, GaylrdSprFckr, bold, juneocallagh, yazmin, PennyLame and 14 others like this

reposted by weekender and Pepsi2018

Pocémon GO Food live edition

#smilinggecko, #firstworld, #thirdworld

Campo likes this

unwrap your mind for the art of giving

#smilinggecko

FrankFilocamo, timothy21, bold, PennyLame, CandleTear, Sunshine123, RulesOfLife, Ziya, juneocallagh and fart like this

Through the eyes of an artist,
I look into a black mirror,
lights are off,
so is the world.

#smilinggecko

ChrisRota, wendywx22, PennyLame, CandleTear, Fionacatherine, Ziya, fart, Sunshine123, juneocallagh, swatchUSA and 1 other like this

reposted by wendywx22

Me: *Posing nude for the first time*

Photographer: That's inappropriate for your drivers license.

timothy21, comanzatara, wizeoldsoul, PennyLame, SourceBlack, F1To, janem803, arxvis, sosoandso and fart like this

It's neither here nor there.

*Me looking for my sanity*

beccaatoosaucy, timothy21, ChrisRota, wendywx22, PennyLame and fart like this

reposted by wendywx22

Sorry I yelled "GUILTY!" in the middle of your wedding ceremony.

timothy21 and fart like this

Hi, I'd like
a tall skinny cinnamon dolce latte and the ability to get an erection...
please.

#nutjob, #starbucks, #cmon

timothy21, Kiks, PennyLame and sosoandso like this

But my heart will go on, fuckface.

dodgerblue, bold, ChrisRota, wendywx22 and sosoandso like this

reposted by wendywx22 and ChrisRota

People are people. Most of us don't bite.

#nutjob

bold, timothy21, wendywx22 and swatchUSA like this

My superpowers include forgetting what I'm doing, while I'm doing it.

#nutjob

comanzatara, ChrisRota, wendywx22, arxvis and sosoandso like this

reposted by wendywx22

#whatever, #age

guggigirl, Davidmayhem, sudeshnarocks and arxvis like this

How many people need to call you a dick before you start to think, maybe I'm a dick?
Asking for a nation.

#whatever, #Twitter, @WildeThingy, #RT

ChrisRota, wendywx22, sudeshnarocks and JodieT like this

reposted by wendywx22

People who raise their hand at the end of a long boring meeting to ask a question... Fuck you.

#whatever

timothy21, roosterbear, wendywx22, Ziya, Fionacatherine, Kiks, JodieT, purplechill, meohmy, janem803 and 4 others like this

Most of the "friendly reminders" I receive actually sound quite cunty.

#whatever

wendywx22, Davidmayhem, JodieT, meohmy and juneocallagh like this

We tell kids that imaginary friends aren't real...
explain religion.

#whatever

ChrisRota, wendywx22, JodieT, purplechill, meohmy, MyM and juneocallagh like this

reposted by wendywx22

Embrace the shake

#changes, #creativity, #transform

MyM, Authlander and meohmy like this

My second best sex move is playing dead.

#lovestory

timothy21, wendywx22, CleoBe and redikryeziu like this

reposted by redikryeziu

The dumber they are, the louder they are.

#homestories

timothy21, FrankFilocamo, wizeoldsoul, DominicLomax, JodieT, Ziya, swatchUSA, dor1316, meohmy and weekender like this

The year is 2025.

Republicans finally admit climate change is real.

They blame it on gay marriage.

#2025

dodgerblue, EssayLandscape, timothy21, BreathMiddle, DominicLomax, Un4given, Fionacatherine, bold, -Juliane-, SelfShire and 3 others like this

The year is 2025 and I'm still waiting for my tinder date to regurn from the toilet.

#2025

mehr, Kiks, Vandtastic, Authlander and meohmy like this

The year is 2025,
Kanye lost the election,
I buy my weed with bitcoins,
half the girls that were lesbians in 2017 are now warlords.

#2025

Fionacatherine, Vandtastic and meohmy like this

The year is 2025. After a fatal Brexit, UK citizens sell their organs to survive.

#2025

wizeoldsoul, guggigirl, redikryeziu, DominicLomax, Kiks, Vandtastic, Ziya and juneocallagh like this

reposted by DominicLomax and redikryeziu

The secret love behind the doormat

#myneighbor

janem803, Lautdenker., DerWahrig, dAn, Kiks, jussayin, meohmy, JodieT, Authlander and juneocallagh like this

My neighborhood is like La La Land but for trailer park boys.

#myneighbor

jussayin, JodieT, DepositBunch, Vandtastic, mehr, aana and FrankFilocamo like this

When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. Now I feel a sense of accomplishment if I make it out of bed.

#lazy, #Sunday, #rythm

juliettebravo, Authlander, karlokoenig, UserOne, locupleto, JulieanneS, BoldDelight, Hank-the-knife, busylizzie, lonelyscribe and 14 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic and RealA

This place is fucked. All of you people are sick. I love it.

See you tomorrow.

#Boldomatic, #applause

Mo81186, McPollo, wizeoldsoul, MyM, arxvis, BreathMiddle, FrankFilocamo, ErikSmit, splizzylizzy, sss63 and 37 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, karamojo, alistair95, redikryeziu, dijana84, shagmillitial, FruitFootball and hdmhmd

Not all who wander are lost.

But where the fuck is the bathroom?

#lost, #BlaBla

wizeoldsoul, MyM, janem803, BreathMiddle, FrankFilocamo, Sunshine123, sannekke, purplechill, Vandtastic, SourceBlack and 6 others like this

you're pretty as fuck
I'm out of words

#sexting

janem803, FrankFilocamo, Sunshine123, purplechill, Vandtastic, SourceBlack, Davidmayhem, bold and emiledi77 like this

What heartwarming, inspirational words rhyme with vagina?

#just, #asking

BreathMiddle, Juli7, bold, EasierSaid246, sarcaSM and emiledi77 like this

Wake me up when you're done saving the world.

#Thanks

Sunshine123, purplechill, Vandtastic, EasierSaid246 and emiledi77 like this

"I bet you don't even have your own podcast" is my favorite line at the doctors.

#Doc

Vandtastic, EasierSaid246 and emiledi77 like this

Knowledge is powder, now get me the cocaine.

#in, #between, #lines

-Juliane-, Vandtastic, EasierSaid246 and emiledi77 like this

Let me mumbo-jumbo you while we're waiting for this announcement to end.

#Huh?

purplechill, EasierSaid246, bold and emiledi77 like this

It's alright, everybody relax. I've decided to be the president, starting tomorrow.

#Chill

SelfShire, purplechill, EasierSaid246, bold and emiledi77 like this

Food, sex, and art.

Reposted from LGAC

#love

Lautdenker., FrankFilocamo, purplechill, EasierSaid246, bold and emiledi77 like this

Telling me to "shhhhh" will only get you killed.

arxvis, LGAC, MyM and somachmers73 like this

I hate to say this but....

good evening

#mademyday

FrankFilocamo, FrankF, Vandtastic, MyM, Authlander, Autumnsunshine, Sunshine123 and JodieT like this

reposted by FrankF and FrankFilocamo

I have the body of a 20 year old couch.

#body, #old, #furniture

eulekauzig, Bartjan, only1alyssa, Drakonan, arxvis, FrankFilocamo, Shea, andiebrust, Luenchen, Vandtastic and 38 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, Success_Quotes, edje, MrSintilating, j1jacob and misterlab

I love all kind of Jobs but Steve is my favorite.

#lovemyjob, #yooture

perellano, arxvis, SelfShire, Orkid, pluton, SourceBlack, swatchUSA, barbaresco, hensch, JodieT and 3 others like this

reposted by pluton

I'm turning into a potato to roll away from my responsibilities

#lovemyjob, #yooture, #notsomuchlove, #yet

Vandtastic, juneocallagh and Authlander like this

Don't call it surfing,
it's research.

#bigdata

#lovemyjob, #yooture

SelfShire and juneocallagh like this

The moon is my sun

#blackedition

lonelyscribe, beccaatoosaucy, FrankFilocamo, Vandtastic, Campo, swatchUSA, LGAC, Llouise, MaScho, Qball and 1 other like this

reposted by FrankFilocamo and FrankF

#blackedition

LGAC, juneocallagh and swatchUSA like this

Nothing
tastes as
good as
black
feels.

#blackedition

Llouise, bold, Qball, Sunshine123 and MyM like this

Less routine means more life

#lessismore

JWBarlament, FrankFilocamo, CompanyCall, wizeoldsoul, Lautdenker., juneocallagh, pluton, swatchUSA, Autumnsunshine, hensch and 3 others like this

reposted by pluton

Less wishes, more hands

#lessismore

Juli7, GaylrdSprFckr, sarcaSM and weekender like this

Du bist
der Glückskeks.

#lessismore

-Juliane-, Llouise, mizim and MaScho like this

Und was für ein Mensch bist du?

#lessismore

Vandtastic, hensch, sarcaSM, weekender, mizim and MaScho like this

Gute Dinge passieren denen,
die nicht warten.

#lessismore

projecto, hensch, Sunshine123 and MaScho like this