filhab's Posts

The problem with coffee is that it's not beer.

petegutz2, Kara24xo and kaylababy like this

Have great sex.
Drink beer.
Buy the expensive whiskey.
Eat the damn cake.
Buy the damn shoes.

And if someone tries to stop you, punch them in the face.

petegutz2 and dor1316 like this

I'm not cocky, I'm cuntfident.

petegutz2 and MMNK like this

Never trust anyone that doesn't drink beer and love dogs.

petegutz2, MMNK and sis like this

I just went to get some money out of the bank and it printed me a reciept for Raman Noodles.

MMNK likes this

You can keep your wine and candlelight dinner.

Want to romance me? Poor my beer in a frosted mug and buy me a pizza!

MMNK likes this

Be a woman with a mind.

Be a bitch with an attitude.

But always be a Lady with class.

kaylababy likes this

Does anyone else feel like they are best friends with bad timing?

Sunshine123, Authlander and kaylababy like this

Hey, I'm not saying I don't like beer....

I'm just saying that sometimes a 12-ounce of whiskey is more effective.

kaylababy likes this

Never send beer in to do the job of tequila and whiskey.

sis, Authlander and kaylababy like this

Yes I'm crazy, but in a fun, beer loving, best fuck of your life kinda way.

MyM and kaylababy like this

People keep telling me I am going to go to hell.
I always tell them, I'm already there.

kaylababy likes this

They say nothing in life is definite except death and taxes.

BULLSHIT.

I'll definitely be getting drunk tonight.

perellano and kaylababy like this

TEENAGERS ARE ASSHOLES.

Alcohol:

For when you want to run from your problems, without actually moving.

sis likes this

So it turns out I'm nothing but anxiety and insecurities held together by beer.

sis likes this

5 simple ways to improve your day:

1. Eat carbs
2.Nap
3.Take off your pants
4.Punch someone
5.Drink beer

kaylababy likes this

Single people hate Valentine's Day.
People in relationships hate Valentine's Day.
Why the fuck do we have Valentine's Day?

kaylababy and Sunshine123 like this

If you're a male news anchor and you don't say "this just in" when you start sex with your partner, I want you off my TV immediately.

kaylababy likes this

Something else is hurting you. That's why you need beer, or screaming music turned up so fucking loud that you can't think.

Sunshine123 likes this

I am and always have been a risk taker.
When people ask me for advice, my advice is usually to do the thing that terrifies you the most.
Unless it involves giving up beer, because FUCK that.

Sunshine123 and kaylababy like this

People who nag all the time are the same people who haunt houses after they die.

kaylababy and Authlander like this

Being an adult is like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a crowded theater, everyone else knows whats going on and you just nod.

kaylababy likes this

If by wild night you mean sitting at home with no pants on getting drunk, then yes, I'm having a wild night.

misterlab, PenSword72, Authlander, Sunshine123 and MyM like this

The secrets to life are to always have beer in the fridge and to go to bed at a decent time, with an indecent woman.

Sunshine123 likes this

Top 2 things that irritate me:

1. People
2.Running out of beer.

Sunshine123 likes this

It's ok, I get it. You're to scared to talk to me because your clique doesn't like me. Shame, because I'm a delightful little cunt really!

Sunshine123 and Bettydent like this

I used to be able to drink all night.

Now, I can drink all day too.

Sunshine123 and kaylababy like this

Funny, good looking AND damaged?

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!

PenSword72, KnightofSIAL, Sunshine123 and dor1316 like this

I either drink beer or I say bad words to strangers.

I meditate. I mind my own business. I keep to my self. I drink a ton of beer, and I still want to smack the fuck out of some people.

Massive shout out to the fucktard that got Copa Cobana stuck in my head!

I enjoy long romantic drunken strolls to my neighbor's recycling bind with my beer bottles.

kaylababy likes this

My superpower is making money and beer disappear.

KnightofSIAL and kaylababy like this

Drunk me is just like regular me but twice as honest and 10 times as horny.

kaylababy likes this

"Don't be shy, send that 16th unanswered text"

~Beer

kaylababy likes this

Reasons I drink beer:

1. It tastes like hopes and dreams.

2. It keeps me out of jail.

3. It helps me mimic socially acceptable behaviour.

kaylababy likes this

If you're waiting for me to give a fuck, you better pack a lunch and some beers.

It's going to be a while.

kaylababy likes this

My favorite childhood memory is not having to work 40 hours a week with assholes I hate so I can afford to pay bills and buy beer.

kaylababy, hensch and bold like this

Don't judge a person for drinking and swearing, judge the quiet sober ones.
Those fuckers are up to something.

janem803, petegutz2, Lieutenant, kad, carieb, edgars, desyr, sepanx, dreday, sis and 21 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, l84aflight, tommyy, mertbozaslan, dennisson10, Shelly103, edengirl and dkunderhill15

Just because leggings stretch, doesn't mean your 350 pound ass should be in them.

hensch and bold like this

When it comes to blood alcohol content, it's a very fine line between boring as fuck and passed out.
That nine minutes in between is heaven.

janem803 and bold like this

Meanwhile on Facebook:

Sharons dog shit on the floor again because she wont get off Facebook to let the poor animal out.

"How about we take this to the bedroom?"

...I wispered to my beer.

hensch and kaylababy like this

Someone needs to start an online dating site where they match you with other beer drinking twisted fuckers in your area.

bold and kaylababy like this

I AM ALREADY DREAMING OF SUMMER.
WARM NIGHTS, COLD BEER, SANDY BEACHES AND BEAUTIFUL BABES.

MyM and kaylababy like this

Facebooks list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people i have been avoiding my whole life ...

bold and Sunshine123 like this

Always follow your instincts.

If that doesn't work, drink a shit ton of beer and hope for the best!

Sunshine123 likes this

Yes dear I will do what you tell me.

Yes dear I will do what you tell me.

Yes dear I will do what you tell me.

~Married Rage Against The Machine

Sunshine123 likes this

The older you get the more you appreciate cancelled plans, early nights, thunderstorms and alcohol that is on sale.

MyM and Sunshine123 like this

I JUST WANT A GUY THAT WILL SAY "GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL". ONE THAT WILL BRING ME FOOD AND BEER, DO THE DISHES, TREAT ME LIKE A QUEEN AND FUCK ME LIKE A WHORE.

PARENTHOOD.

WHEN THE KIDS CAN GRAB THE BEER FOR YOU.

REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE TEENAGERS AND WE WOULD DRINK ALL NIGHT AND SLEEP TILL NOON AND WE THOUGHT 40 YEAR OLDS WERE OLD?

WE WERE ASSHOLES.

If you're an asshole and you know it clap your hands ...

hensch, Sunshine123 and kaylababy like this

I need to get drunk, but not "I've had a few too many" drunk.
I want to get "stumbling around like a newborn dear" drunk.

kaylababy likes this

"My day is going great"

"Chugs vodka straight from the bottle"

"Why do you ask?"

hensch, bold and kaylababy like this

I'm "I am not concerned about my appearance I am just happy to be alive" years old.

MyM and kaylababy like this

FUCK YOU REALITY, AND YOUR FUCKER OF A BEST FRIEND RESPONSIBILITY CAN GO GET FUCKED TOO.

bold likes this

BEER IS MY THERAPIST

Bullying is always going to be a thing.
Stop wrapping your kids in cotton wool, teach them to stand up and defend themselves and stop raising a society of victims.

Top three things I need in my life right now.

Money
Beer
Sexual healing.

meohmy likes this

Pizza boxes are like no other box.

They bring joy, fulfillment and happiness to millions of people.

All hail the pizza box!

Sunshine123, meohmy and kaylababy like this

If you bring alcohol to an A.A. meeting, be prepared for one of the most EPIC parties you will ever attend.

meohmy and kaylababy like this

BEING HAPPY DOESN'T MEAN EVERYTHING IS GOOD.
IT MEANS THE ALCOHOL HAS KICKED IN.

hensch, Sunshine123, meohmy and kaylababy like this

Nobody wants to hear about your diet.

Just shut the fuck up, eat your lettuce and be sad while I enjoy this pizza and beer.

kaylababy, meohmy and Sunshine123 like this

IF YOU HAVE LEFT OVER ALCOHOL IN YOUR FRIDGE YOU'RE AN AMATEUR AND WE CANT BE FRIENDS.

kaylababy likes this

SOULMATE WANTED:

MUST LOVE BEER, CAUSING RIGHTEOUS SHENANIGANS, SPENDING WEEKENDS WATCHING NETFLIX AND EATING PIZZA AND HAVE MORE DEPTH THAN A PUDDLE.

Sunshine123 and kaylababy like this

SORRY ALAN RICKMAN, I'M NOT OVER DAVID BOWIE DYING YET.

kaylababy likes this

Valentines day is just around the corner so if anyone has a secret crush on me now would be a great time to let me know!

bold, meohmy, MyM and kaylababy like this

HOW MANY BEERS DO YOU NEED TO DRINK TO TOLERATE PEOPLE?

GaylrdSprFckr, MyM, kaylababy and meohmy like this

My circle of trust is just a bunch of beer bottles lined up around me.

meohmy likes this

I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN ALARMIST, BUT I JUST SAW KARMA BUY A 15 INCH STRAP ON.

meohmy likes this

WHO'S DAVID BOWIE?

~CHILDREN OF HORRIBLE PARENTS.

I GLUED A BEER BOTTLE CAP TO MY WATCH SO THAT WHENEVER I LOOK AT IT I KNOW IT'S TIME FOR A DRINK.

meohmy likes this

WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WON POWERBALL:

1. Look after family.
2. Quit my job.
3. Seek vengeance on all those who have wronged me.

PEOPLE IN THEIR 40'S KISSING IN PUBLIC LOOKS LIKE TWO SLUGS MATING.
STOP IT.

Mysteries that need to be solved in 2016:

~Man buns
~Squiters
~Non alcoholic beer
~Duck face selfies
~Adele

Is a vegetarian sausage just a dildo?

janem803 likes this

I DO LOVE MY BEER BUT SOME DAYS A 12 OUNCE OF WHISKEY IS MORE EFFECTIVE.

Sunshine123 likes this

I DO LOVE MY BEER BUT SOME DAYS A 12 OUNCE OF WHISKEY IS MORE EFFECTIVE.

Authlander likes this

WOMAN ARE DANGEROUS CREATURES THAT CAN'T BE TAMED. IF YOU FIND A BEER DRINKIKG NUTJOB THAT LOVES YOUR SORRY ASS, MARRY HER, YESTERDAY.

fidosh146, SamNSara, petegutz2, Stokn, BiteSenior, SourceBlack, NerdWord, juneocallagh, MyM, Authlander and 2 others like this

reposted by fidosh146

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA.

A SMOKE DETECTOR THAT TURNS OFF WHEN YOU YELL "I'M JUST COOKING FOR FUCKS SAKE"

petegutz2, Kara24xo, GaylrdSprFckr, topbuzz, laxer353, Campo, penguin1337, ikram, SteveBob, Bettydent and 22 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, TazLondon, alexiski, tinkerbelly, Krimi63, Krimi63, Krimi63, dmr, Bettydent, samaya and 1 other

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE A DRINK.

~ME AS A THERAPIST

GaylrdSprFckr, UserOne, jaybyrd, MyM and Sunshine123 like this

I'VE NEVER USED SAFE WORDS BUT MOST OF MY PARTNERS HAVE USED DISTRESS SIGNALS.

meohmy likes this

CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE, THEY SHOULD BE LOVED AND CHERISHED. CHILDREN ARE ALSO LITTLE BASTARDS.

If you want to walk out of my life, go for it, I don't give a fuck.
Hell, I'll even hold the mother fucking door open for you.

bold likes this

I'M SO GLAD I GREW UP IN THE 80's AND 90's.
I DID SO MUCH STUPID SHIT AND THERE IS NO RECORD OF IT ANYWHERE.

janem803, UserOne, Sunshine123, meohmy, bold and KnightofSIAL like this

I SOMETIMES GET SO BUSY WITH LIFE BUT MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS SHOULD ALWAYS KNOW THAT I AM ONLY A PHONE CALL AND A CASE OF BEER AWAY IF THEY NEED ME TO KICK SOMEONES ASS.

Sunshine123 likes this

YOU SWEET LITTLE BEER DRINKING, DEPRAVED, DEVIANT THING.
C'MERE.

WE ALL COPE IN DIFFERENT WAYS. I LIKE BEER, SEX AND BEING AWESOME.

damon.lindsay2, UserOne, Sunshine123 and meohmy like this

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT ASSHOLES. LEARN TO ENJOY A COLD BEER AND LAUGH.

UserOne, Sunshine123 and meohmy like this

THE REASON I DRINK IS BECAUSE I DON'T NEED A GOD DAMN REASON.

juliettebravo, Sunshine123 and meohmy like this

INTELLIGENCE IS AN APHRODISIACTHAT FUCKS WITH YOUR SOUL ................

MY INNER CHILD IS DRUNK BEER DRINKING PIRATE WITH A FUCKING POTTY MOUTH.

GIVE FUCKS ABOUT PEOPLE WHO GIVE FUCKS ABOUT YOU.
OTHERWISE GIVE NO FUCKS.

ATTENTION ALL YOU SELF-RIGHTOUS MOTHER FUCKERS.
GRAB A BEER, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP PREACHING.

UserOne and PennyLame like this

MY ONLY RESOLUTION FOR 2016 WILL BE NOT ANSWERING TO ANYONE ANYMORE. ITS MY LIFE, AND I WILL DO WHAT THE FUCK I WANT.

WANTED: PARTNER IN CRIME.
MUST BE ADVENTUROUS, LOVE BEER AND HAVE NO FEAR.
POSSIBILITY OF ENDING UP IN PRISON OR A DITCH.
ONLY SERIOUS APPLICANTS NEED APPLY.

meohmy likes this

I'M NOT GREAT AT GIVING ADVICE WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN BUT I CAN OFFER YOU ALCOHOL AND A GOOD TIME TO MAKE YOU FORGET.

GaylrdSprFckr, UserOne, MyM and meohmy like this

I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO THINK PEOPLE MY AGE WERE ADULTS.

WHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IT DOES'T MATTER WHOSE IDEA IT WAS AS LONG AS YOUR ALIBIS MATCH.

UserOne and meohmy like this

MY ONLY PLAN FOR 2016 IS TO REMOVE MORE ASSHOLES FROM MY LIFE AND ENJOY MORE BEER.

UserOne and meohmy like this

WOMEN DON'T WANT MUCH. JUST YOUR LOYALTY, LOVE, PASSWORDS, HOODIES, TACOS, TRUST AND YOUR SOUL.
EASY PEASY!

WE FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN BEER, SEX AND MONEY.
WE JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

UserOne, MyM and meohmy like this