Zenski's Posts

If youre feeling empty you at least feel like the universe.

UserOne, Fionacatherine, Drakonan and CurrentNobody like this

reposted by CurrentNobody

Online dating is like drunken sex. You never reach the climax.

UserOne likes this

Alle kleben am Bildschirm wie Fliegen an der Scheisse.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lost a shoe you're probably drunk.

UserOne, eulekauzig, ZeepBella, Sherry89, petegutz2, projecto, crafty and swatchUSA like this

reposted by swatchUSA

Wie heisst ein Mann, der harten Sex liebt und die AfD? Rommler.

Shit. I started to read the organizing book of Marie Kondo. Now I don't know anymore where I put it down.

My IQ? Even I'm obsessed with boldomatic I get things faster done than all my colleagues.

#boldomatic

idiomatic likes this

Bei uns im Büro gilt: Wer zuerst kommt, mahlt zuerst den Kaffee.

Meine Diät läuft gut. Ich habe schon zwei Tage verloren.

Sunshine123 and campino like this

How much would you make your girlfriend more stupid in exchange that she gets hotter?

idiomatic likes this

Happy shitty people

idiomatic likes this

Last night I dreamed of you. And now I want to take sleeping pills all the time.

idiomatic, Sunshine123 and PenSword72 like this

Das Leben ist zu kurz, um den USB-Stick gesichert rauszunehmen.

Sunshine123, Regungslos and digitus like this

reposted by boldolicious and Tomora

Ein Spatz landete auf dem Misthaufen als ihn der Gockel fragte: Warum kannst du fliegen? Wenn ich darüber nachdenken würde, antwortete der Spatz, würde ich morgen als Kamel aufwachen.

As a guy i have to admit: More bullshit than cowshit is happen in this world.

idiomatic likes this

After the news of bowie's death i realized that i'm a hillbilly. His death left me cold.

idiomatic and Luenchen like this

Wenn Frauen mit Muskeln das neue Schönheitsideal sind, sind auch Männer mit Biertitten en vogue.

Tanascha and aehmpaeh like this

I was thinking about stopping bolding as a resolution for new year before I realized that I'm fucking drunk.

#bold#resolution

juneocallagh likes this

I'm not addicted to my smartphone. I could replace it any time with a new one.

ErikSmit likes this

After a week of excessive dining I finally know how an average american feels after a usual day.

janeh likes this

Don't get completely rid of your bad habits. Let them out like a wild animal once in a while and put them back in the cage.

#badhabits

janeh and juneocallagh like this

Which story about you should be told at your funeral?

janeh likes this

My boss says: My intelligence knows like the universe no borders. My answer: You are reminding me more of a black hole.

#borders

janeh and Luenchen like this

There are no borders! (Hmmm, did you took some LSD?)

#borders

janeh and Luenchen like this

janeh, bold and Luenchen like this

Arzt zu mir: Wie geht es Ihnen? Ich: Ging mir nie besser, darum bin ich hier.

campino likes this

Lebe dein Leben mit Poesie und nicht wie eine Bedienungs-anleitung.

I have no secrets. I surf the internet all day.

janeh and haddock like this

Zehntausende Flüchtlinge leiden vor der Haustüre. Eine Million feiert im Wohnzimmer.

sarcaSM, bold and Luenchen like this

First Date. Last chance to escape from kissing, sex, children, marriage, divorce, alcohol, carcrash and seeing the transcendental kiss with the date while your life flashs before your eyes.

#firstdate

juneocallagh likes this

God could be Susy. So give the original source some credit if you bold somebody else's text or be ready to go to hell.

#susy, #bold

janeh and juneocallagh like this

Humour is the best medicine to treat a pain in the ass.

janeh, juneocallagh and PenSword72 like this

The better you know the urban dictionary the less cool you are.

#urbandictionary

janeh, juneocallagh, dor1316 and haddock like this

I would pick up the plastic for free at the nikki beach in Ibiza.

#plasticsurgery

Qball and juneocallagh like this

I'm waiting for boobs made of wood. As a boy I hated playing with plastic toys.

#plasticsurgery

Qball and juneocallagh like this

I wish you were beer.

janeh and juneocallagh like this

juneocallagh likes this

If you happy and you know it make a fart.

juneocallagh likes this

bold and juneocallagh like this

Which floor do you live? One more after climbing the stairs start to suck.

juneocallagh likes this

One percent battery life and running out of ideas: Miaaauuu!

janeh and juneocallagh like this

The last thing I said to my Ex: You turn left. I turn right

#turningpoint

janeh and juneocallagh like this

Did you know that today is the only assholes bold-day?

janeh and juneocallagh like this

Inside of every boss lives a little darth vader commanding the death star.

#boss

UserOne, petegutz2, Bartjan, KnightofSIAL, janeh, Yakooza, juneocallagh, fakeaccont, campino, gaelless and 1 other like this

Who will be the next boss of the world? Bluce Splingsteen.

#boss

juneocallagh likes this

Yelling at people is highly effective if you want to get things done. Ask any baby.

#boss

UserOne, PenSword72, Bartjan, juneocallagh, Alvin4ik and swatchUSA like this

at one moment in time you were the youngest person on the planet.

Reposted from rick69

juneocallagh likes this

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Reposted from rick69

juneocallagh likes this

Es ist Frühling in Zürich, wenn die Städter nur noch mit Flirtschutz-faktor 25 herumlaufen.

Luenchen likes this

Most people are normal but looking for someone special.

#newnormal

janeh, juneocallagh and Luenchen like this

I'd like to ask her if she wants to play billiard with me, but I don't have the balls.

juneocallagh and Luenchen like this

Oedipus walks
into a bar:

- Hey guys...

- Hey motherfucker

Reposted from VirCo

janeh and juneocallagh like this

D'ont make your boobs bigger for a man. Get one with a bigger brain.

#plottwist

marijnvdm and aehmpaeh like this

I've heard there are some plot twists in porn movies, but i'm more interested in the plot holes.

#plottwists

atheist, AbbyPenguins and Luenchen like this

New girlfriend. New flat. New job. Old Self.

janeh, RulesOfLife and Luenchen like this

Du chasch mer id Köppel schiisse.

Deathbed wish. If i only spend more time consuming buzzfeed.

#badhabits

juneocallagh likes this

After I dreamed about a woman I know, I always feel the urge to tell her that. But I say nothing. She could think it was an erotic dream. And the problem is: she would be right.

#cowardice

I'm not addicted to the internet. Just tell me why the fucking wlan is not working at home.

#badhabits

W.S.S.H likes this

I want to life bolder. Next time I take a bus I will not fart quietly anymore.

#bold

juneocallagh likes this

Bad habits?Thinking about a bold text during phone calls with my mother.

#badhabits

janeh, Yakooza, sarcaSM, juneocallagh, guggigirl, hallowelt, JodieT, PenSword72, sophh and swatchUSA like this

reposted by swatchUSA

Susy is actually a 53 year old guy with a bold head who gets inspiration for his E-Mails while he tears out the hair on his big toes.

#susy

AliceMckfly.75 and juneocallagh like this

Die Idylle am Züri See machte ihm zu schaffen. Wenn es statt Enten doch Babykrokodille wären, murmelte er.

juneocallagh likes this

A fantastic Valentine's Day Gift for your boyfriend? A cam and you filming him having sex with one of your cute friends.

#relationshit

Die Reichen. Zuerst das Kind an die Montessori-Schule schicken. Dann an die HSG.

mehr likes this

He: You are my universe. She: Prick. He: What the fuck? She: Are you suggesting that I'm expanding?

Bartjan, juneocallagh and aehmpaeh like this

A question to the bisexuals out there: What is more exhausting? Giving a long head to men or woman?

If New York is an urban jungle, then Zurich is petting zoo.

#jungle

stephinity and juneocallagh like this

Every time you grab your iPhone you have blood on your hands.

#jungle

juneocallagh likes this

Um wieviel dümmer würdest du deinen Partner machen, wenn er im Gegenzug schärfer aussehen würde?

Listen little man, don't eat meat, eat pussy.

juneocallagh likes this

Running out of fuel at the end of the year and feeling a bit empty.

juneocallagh likes this

Samstagnacht. Halb sechs. Hellwach. Weder nackt noch betrunken. Wie konnte es so weit kommen?

I'm not made of an egg fertilized by a sperm. I'm a self-made man.

#working

juneocallagh likes this

Do you wanna be normal or do you wanna be happy?

meohmy, ErikSmit and juneocallagh like this

Name gefällig für einen Babymode-Laden? Der letzte Schrei.

Bre@k the silence.

juneocallagh likes this

To do: Think beyond your to do-list. Whats really important in your life?

meohmy and juneocallagh like this

The ultimative badass test. If a cute baby smiles at you, don't smile back.

juneocallagh likes this

Sundays are like virgins. So take your time and do everything slowly.

bold, ErikSmit and juneocallagh like this

Der degenerierte, gleichgültige Westeuropäer sitzt im Auto und lässt den Motor im Stand laufen.

Mind
ful
of
shit
ness

"Last christmas I gave you my heart."

"I didn't ask for it."

juneocallagh likes this

Sag mir doch einfach, was ich tun soll, damit du mit mir schläfst.

Wenn sich eine Frau nach vorne lehnt und ein bisschen Busen entblösst. Nur schon dafür lohnt es sich, zu leben.

mehr likes this