Floki's Posts

Some finish high school, some finish school high...

#finish

Krisargent, buzzielizzy, busylizzie1, arxvis, perellano, Campo, Fionacatherine, maxik1337a, stargater, CurrentNobody and 3 others like this

reposted by rachelkisses

The only way trump gets to 270 now is if he loses 50 lbs.

#Dollar, #trump, #vs, #Ballot, #biden

buzzielizzy, CurrentNobody, Fionacatherine and Ziya like this

Here you go doctor, I'm donating my plasma tv since i recovered from covid last week...

#pun, #dumbic

Krisargent, buzzielizzy, JMBis, busylizzie1, GaylrdSprFckr, OceanBlue, Lark and CurrentNobody like this

People don't abandon the people they love, they abandon the people they were using...

#love, #drama

Krisargent, blacknote, busylizzie1, doglobster, SamuraiulSalb, sudeshnarocks, firoz0089, TimBuktu, MarcellaA, roosterbear and 20 others like this

reposted by stargater, Ziya, justhuman, MissInk, Boldomatic, RAWSoulWords and WLKS

Reporter: what do you think about president trump?

Police chief: He needs to keep his mouth shut.

Home Depot: We have duct tape on sale..isle 9.

#Bunker, #bunny

GaylrdSprFckr, Fionacatherine, Lark and CurrentNobody like this

Mount and Do me.

~MtnDew

#Wordplay

Krisargent, AndSheCame, Fionacatherine, Ziya, CurrentNobody and bold like this

Casino operators: We are open to take your money back.

#business

Krisargent, Lark, CurrentNobody and Fionacatherine like this

Sorry, we are closed for the season.

#Business

Krisargent, Lark, CurrentNobody, Fionacatherine and AndSheCame like this

Michigan Protestors :
We are going out no matter what!

Mother Nature: Hold my beer...

#Dams, #Reopened.

perellano, Stig300, petegutz2, UserOne, Ziya, Drakonan, eulekauzig, JodieT, Fionacatherine, CurrentNobody and 1 other like this

reposted by eulekauzig

2019: Stay away from negative people.

2020: Stay away from positive people.

#Corona, #virus, #pandemic

Krisargent, SiriLovesAlexa, siouxz, serlly, MyM, guggigirl, -Juliane-, Campo, Fionacatherine, eulekauzig and 18 others like this

reposted by swatchUSA, visorvice1, streetmedic, Ziya, Boldomatic, petegutz2, lukakenzo and TruckObject

After all we are just humans.Ants in a big world.

#wise

Krisargent, petegutz2, swatchUSA, AndSheCame and CurrentNobody like this

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

#life, #one, #step, #at, #a, #time

Krisargent, petegutz2 and CurrentNobody like this

Behind the scenes is where the work is done.

Krisargent, petegutz2, AndSheCame and CurrentNobody like this

"is only when a mosquito lands on your balls that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence"

#Confucius, #and, #peace

-Juliane-, CurrentNobody, guggigirl and perellano like this

Dr. fauci: This virus will be with us until fall.

Trump: Until i fall?

#Pundamic

Fionacatherine, UserOne and Ziya like this

Government is considering giving out checks to people to buy more toilet paper.

#corona, #pandemic, #releif, #bill

UserOne, petegutz2, timothy21 and CurrentNobody like this

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit and Wisdom is knowing not to put it into a fruit salad!

Krisargent, Sherry89, eulekauzig, crafty, krubjas, Lauffo, InfluenceNoise, guggigirl, prubton, Fionacatherine and 2 others like this

Good people are probably the ones that feel like bad people the most.

Krisargent, eulekauzig, PennyLame, crafty, Ziya, ChrisRota, Tanascha, BiteSenior, Vandtastic, herstory and 13 others like this

I just read that a priest blamed gay people for the earthquake in New Zealand. How hard does he think those guys are ramming each other?

-Juliane-, jmb, BerlinGirl2014, Vandtastic, herstory, EasierSaid246, UserOne, Fionacatherine, SarcasticAssO, emiledi77 and 4 others like this

If you cry for no apparent reason, your soul is just doing its laundry.

#laundry

Krisargent, blacknote, -Juliane-, UsualMan, eulekauzig, ElfiEdel, jmb, ChrisRota, janem803, MaScho and 19 others like this

My parents taught me to be kind,humble,honest,
hardworking, and to save an unnecessary fuckton of plastic bags under the sink.

Krisargent, janem803, Vandtastic, Pesca, EasierSaid246, Fionacatherine, Authlander, emiledi77, revolte42, SourceBlack and 5 others like this

You can't force someone to love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

#stalking, #love

Krisargent, Vandtastic, stargater, SarcasticAssO, PenSword72, Shea, justthoughts, JodieT, purplechill, emiledi77 and 4 others like this

A smile is the best curve on a woman and it makes your butt look smaller.

#keep, #smiling, #always

Krisargent, Vandtastic, bold, DominicLomax, Shea, JodieT, emiledi77, MyM, purplechill, lyfe and 4 others like this

People who sleep walk literally follow their dreams.

#Dream, #walk

Krisargent, eulekauzig, jmb, janem803, Vandtastic, Shea, mentalitas, jupiter, ikkuh95, philipsonn and 4 others like this

The world is my
oyster.

Unfortunately,
I have a shellfish allergy.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, stargater, SarcasticAssO, Shea, jupiter, philipsonn, Authlander, JodieT, Blackjackuar and 2 others like this

More often than not, "FYI" stands for "Fuck You Idiot."

#honesty, #at, #work, #FYI

jmb, BiteSenior, Vandtastic, EasierSaid246, PenSword72, JodieT, Blackjackuar, emiledi77, purplechill, jodib and 3 others like this

Barbies get fat too, if you microwave them.

#fun, #fact

Krisargent, meohmy, BiteSenior, Vandtastic, mentalitas, SourceBlack, FrankFilocamo, emiledi77, MyM, philipsonn and 1 other like this

reposted by BiteSenior

Not perfect
but not
plastic.

#plastic, #leads, #to, #cancer

Krisargent, EasierSaid246, PenSword72, purplechill, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo and SourceBlack like this

These days my life is like Murphy's law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong!

#badluck

Krisargent, whatsgaming, eulekauzig, Vandtastic, UserOne, niniel, Drakonan, Luenchen, Shea, emiledi77 and 9 others like this

reposted by swatchUSA, -just.me- and monsieur

If my ship ever did come in, with my luck, I'm pretty sure it would be named the Titanic!

#badluck

Krisargent, Vandtastic, SarcasticAssO, Shea, misterlab, emiledi77, jaybyrd, MyM, purplechill, philipsonn and 1 other like this

reposted by MyM

When you are a kid, dare is the scarier option.

When you are an adult, its truth.

#truth, #or, #dare

Krisargent, eulekauzig, timothy21, jmb, Vandtastic, Shea, ikkuh95, MyM, emiledi77, SourceBlack and 1 other like this

A three day weekend feels like 2 Saturdays or
2 Sundays.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, Shea, swatchUSA, Mapiya, emiledi77, SourceBlack, philipsonn and Ziya like this

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

An orange a day keeps the delivery guy away

Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, emiledi77 and SourceBlack like this

I didn't sell my soul to Satan, but we did work out a rent-to-own deal.

perellano, Vandtastic, ikkuh95, MAMONI, emiledi77, jupiter and Fionacatherine like this

reposted by jupiter

I know a little suffering is good for the soul, but somebody must be trying to make a saint outta me.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, walkabout, ikkuh95, SourceBlack, MAMONI, emiledi77, jupiter and Fionacatherine like this

I Finished Your Laundry, The Ashes Are In The Fire Place.

Krisargent, Ms.Turtle, MarcellaA, EmilyHeller, JulieanneS, SlickMemes, BoldDelight, swatchUSA, petegutz2, eulekauzig and 39 others like this

reposted by pluton, Boldomatic, bettyb, Blackjackuar, Redick, EliasH, l84aflight, sultana, Viciouse31, emiledi77 and 1 other

sometimes the catch is not worth the chase!

Krisargent, AZgirl, ChrisRota, meohmy, sannekke, Vandtastic, hellodarwin, walkabout, SourceBlack, emiledi77 and 1 other like this

reposted by Vandtastic and sannekke

Some days i want a "do-over" and other days i just want a "be-over!"

Krisargent, Vandtastic, EasierSaid246, ikkuh95, emiledi77 and Fionacatherine like this

I was told that there would always be days like this, just wasn't told there would be so many.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, MAMONI, emiledi77, Fionacatherine and shespeaks94 like this

PHATO :

A photo that makes you look fat.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

SINNOVATION :

Finding new ways
to be naughty.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

They should hand out a gold medal to the oldest person on earth during each olympics, because life is the toughest sport
of all.

Krisargent, buzzielizzy, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, jupiter, MAMONI, Authlander, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and 1 other like this

reposted by jupiter

When I turned 10, I realized how dumb everything I said as a young child was.

When I turned 20,I realized how dumb everything I said in my teens was.

Now I'm realizing why old people dont talk much.

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, jupiter, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, mylisa1970 and lyfe like this

Today i went to the toilet without my phone and there are 112 tiles in the bathroom.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, jupiter, MAMONI, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, emiledi77 and philipsonn like this

reposted by jupiter

Spiders are just web developers that are happy to find bugs.

Krisargent, Sherry89, janem803, Vandtastic, jupiter, freeFlow, naebitnae, MAMONI, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and 1 other like this

Your happiness
has expired.

Please login
Again.

#Missed, #you, #bold

Krisargent, Vandtastic, jupiter, MAMONI, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, Ziya and philipsonn like this

Tobacco companies kill their best customers, while condom companies kill their future customers.

#Call, #Customer, #care, #to, #stop, #the, #kills

-Juliane-, upupandaway, Vandtastic, SarcasticAssO, juneocallagh, ErikSmit, Shea, jupiter, pluton, purplechill and 7 others like this

reposted by jupiter

Delta airlines slogan is "keep climbing."

My preferred choice would have been "Keep landing."

Krisargent, jmb, Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, Shea, emiledi77, MAMONI, Fionacatherine, lyfe and 1 other like this

Human soup: A busy public swimming pool.

PenSword72, jupiter, pluton, Shea, emiledi77, MAMONI, Fionacatherine, lyfe, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

reposted by jupiter

Your strengths are there to be recognized,but your weaknesses are there to get drunk and partaay.

Vandtastic, misterlab, jupiter, pluton, Shea, MAMONI, emiledi77, lyfe, purplechill, philipsonn and 5 others like this

reposted by emiledi77

Most things in life are as easy as riding a bike.

NAKED.

DOWN A STEEP HILL.

IN A RAINSTORM.

WITH NO BRAKES.

Krisargent, PenSword72, jupiter, pluton, Shea, MAMONI, emiledi77, lyfe, purplechill, Fionacatherine and 3 others like this

If you break the laws of man,you go to jail.

If you break the laws of God, you go to hell.

If you break the laws of physics,you go to Sweden and get the nobel prize.

#most, #typical, #laws

jmb, Vandtastic, perellano, jupiter, pluton, MAMONI, emiledi77, purplechill, philipsonn, Fionacatherine and 4 others like this

It's weird when my computer asks me if i want to continue unprotected ?

#Get, #protected, #yourself, #computer, #i, #can, #protect, #myself.

BiteSenior, Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, Ziya, stargater, purplechill, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo, FrankF and 4 others like this

Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.

#Tacos, #are, #always, #my, #first, #choice

PenSword72, jupiter, pluton, purplechill, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Fionacatherine, philipsonn, MAMONI, lyfe and 4 others like this

PIE-SEXUAL :

A gender preference for pizza lovers.

#Hey, #Lisa, #did, #you, #eat, #my, #pizza

jupiter, pluton, Fionacatherine, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, MAMONI and emiledi77 like this

With alcohol: Nights are great,mornings are shit.

Without alcohol: mornings are great,nights are shit.

Cheers to many more shit mornings.

#cheers

-Juliane-, Vandtastic, guggigirl, jupiter, MAMONI, Fionacatherine, emiledi77, purplechill, Mapiya, shespeaks94 and 2 others like this

He was busy in the streets,while she was crying in her sheets.

#Cheat, #streets

Krisargent, jmb, Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, MAMONI, Shea, emiledi77, philipsonn, FrankF and 3 others like this

Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.

#Get, #some, #sleep, #soul

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Auri, ChrisRota, BiteSenior, jupiter, pluton, Shea, Bartjan, emiledi77 and 7 others like this

Potatoes give us chips, fries, and vodka. Get your shit together, other vegetables.

#svedka, #vodka

Sherry89, Vandtastic, jupiter, Shea, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Mapiya, shespeaks94 and MAMONI like this

A sheep spends her whole life fearing the wolves, and gets eaten in the end by the shepherd.

#Baba, #babaa, #black, #sheep, #dies

Krisargent, Sherry89, upupandaway, Vandtastic, jupiter, Shea, emiledi77, philipsonn, Mapiya, shespeaks94 and 3 others like this

Heelys might make a come back because of pokemon go.

#Pokemon, #or, #poke, #your, #mom, #go, #stuff

Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, MAMONI, emiledi77, Mapiya, naebitnae, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

What if the coins we find under our cushions and on the ground are from spiders paying their rent ?

prubton, Krisargent, boldino, buzzielizzy, Sherry89, jmb, Vandtastic, dor1316, jupiter, pluton and 9 others like this

reposted by buzzielizzy

"It cost's $0.00 to be nice to people."

#Be, #nice, #become, #rich

Krisargent, Vandtastic, guggigirl, Mapiya, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, jupiter, pluton, emiledi77, naebitnae and 1 other like this

'The bigger they are, the harder they fall' does not apply to balloons.

#space, #gravity

Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, emiledi77, Mapiya, Ziya and aana like this

What 'ISIS' really stands for:

INSANE
SOCIOPATHIC
IDIOTIC
SHITHEADERY.

#ISIS, #is, #a, #Threat, #to, #Humanity

Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and emiledi77 like this

Planets in space in 2025:

Mercury
Venus
GOOGLE
Mars
Jupiter
Saturn
Uranus
Neptune
Pluto

#space

eulekauzig, AZgirl, prubton, phuamaxx, Vandtastic, greenbeanvov, Magicalreturns, Fionacatherine, jupiter, pluton and 7 others like this

reposted by emiledi77, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and FrankF

This morning i saw a pigeon crash in to the side of a Man's head.
I'm not sure if it was an accident,or if the man had been sleeping with the pigeon's wife.

#I, #guess, #we, #will, #never, #know

Floki, Vandtastic, jupiter, pluton, Fionacatherine, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, purplechill, philipsonn, MAMONI and 3 others like this

Feeling

"Fridaylicious"

#Thanks, #everybody, #you, #all, #made, #my, #day.

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, SarcasticAssO, pluton, freeFlow, emiledi77, pbcakes1971, Mapiya, FrankF and 3 others like this

Do

more

Dont's

#just, #do, #it

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, ErikSmit, Mapiya, pbcakes1971, philipsonn, MAMONI, purplechill, emiledi77 and 2 others like this

To reset your password, please enter your password.

~ cuntputer.

#A, #computer

jmb, dor1316, Mapiya, MAMONI, emiledi77, perellano, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

To some people, the world looks clearer through freshly licked windows.

Vandtastic, Fionacatherine, Ziya, MAMONI, emiledi77, Authlander, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

2016: Trump won't win.

2017: President Trump can't do that, can he?

2018: You watching the hunger games tonight? I hope my District wins.

#president, #Elections, #USA

Krisargent, Vandtastic, DougHughes, swatchUSA, philipsonn, whatever., emiledi77, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, Mapiya and 1 other like this

So many will go searching for pokemon but won't go searching for themselves.

#pokemon

Vandtastic, Mapiya, PenSword72, emiledi77, Authlander, purplechill, naebitnae, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

Old people at weddings always poke me and say "you're next." so i started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

#poke-women

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, Kazuyuki, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo, FrankF and Mapiya like this

Being an adult is realizing that $5000 is lot of money to owe and very little money to own.

#Adult, #society

Krisargent, Vandtastic, purplechill, emiledi77, dor1316, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Mapiya like this

Waitress: do you have any questions about the menu?

Me: what kind of font is this?

#she, #thinks, #bold, #font

Krisargent, jmb, BiteSenior, Vandtastic, shespeaks94, swatchUSA, philipsonn, perellano, Fionacatherine, purplechill and 3 others like this

reposted by emiledi77

We get taxed on what we earn and then again on what we spend it on.

#local, #Taxi, #driver

Krisargent, Vandtastic, dor1316, Mapiya, purplechill, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Magicalreturns like this

They start missing you when they fail at replacing you.

#They, #only, #regret, #cant, #replace, #whats, #missing

Krisargent, jmb, janem803, Vandtastic, Shea, Mapiya, purplechill, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and 2 others like this

My job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

~Karma

#karma

Krisargent, Vandtastic, MAMONI and emiledi77 like this

$----> \_/ That's my 'Care cup'. see how empty it is?$

#caring, #too, #much, #will, #hurt

Krisargent, MyM, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Sometimes it's easier to say you don't care...than to explain all the reasons why you do.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, tsetse, MyM, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

The only thing wrong about a perfect drive to work, is that you end up at work.

#monday

Krisargent, -Juliane-, Vandtastic, tsetse, MyM and emiledi77 like this

I couldn't fix your brakes so i made your horn louder.

#the, #mechanic, #jason, #statham

Krisargent, Vandtastic, MAMONI, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

1996: Stop playing pokemon and go outside.

2016:Stop playing pokemon and come inside.

#pokemon

Krisargent, petegutz2, Stiltskin, Vandtastic, AdamTheChespin, revolte42, Sunshine123, Blackjackuar, mediadeo, daniel8a14 and 44 others like this

reposted by swatchUSA, Boldomatic, Jeanniee, alistair95, Campo, Czar, jetpunch, huzy, alistair95, FrankFilocamo and 8 others

You'll always be too much of something for someone:too big, too loud,too soft,too edgy. if you round out your edges, you loose your edge. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone but don't Apologize for being who you are.

Krisargent, janem803, purplechill and emiledi77 like this

Vodka makes everthing
better.

#vodka

pbcakes1971, emiledi77, jaybyrd, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

If you laugh i'll laugh with you but if you snore you will sleep alone.

#dont, #snore

Krisargent, Vandtastic, purplechill, Mapiya, pbcakes1971, emiledi77 and jaybyrd like this

I once made love to her for an hour and ten minutes but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

#A, #quickieeee

Krisargent, purplechill, Mapiya, pbcakes1971, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

who's your friend?

She wouldn't like you

Is that what i asked you overactive cockblocking agent of satan?

Vandtastic, purplechill, emiledi77 and Mapiya like this

She didn't hit him harder but she hit him in the lower.

#Dude, #got, #left, #holding, #his, #bean, #bag

Krisargent, purplechill and emiledi77 like this

A kiss on the lips is just shopping upstairs for the downstairs merchandise.

Krisargent, jmb, Vandtastic, pbcakes1971, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

In some parts of the world people still pray in the streets. In this country they are called pedestrains.

Austin, United States

BiteSenior, Vandtastic, lalaland, Retric, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

I had a great neighborhood watch going when i was a kid...until she closed her curtains.

Mapiya, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children aren't enough?

#fun, #say

Krisargent, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Hearts will sacrifice its do or die.

#Sacrifice

Krisargent, Vandtastic, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Your child is growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and starts refusing to tell where he is going to.

#Don't, #ask, #let, #him, #grow, #up

Krisargent, Vandtastic, dor1316, purplechill, emiledi77, freeFlow, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

The tans will fade but the memories will last forever.

#summeroflove

Krisargent, eulekauzig, janem803, Vandtastic, UserOne, elidealista, purplechill, Blitzkrieg, SourceBlack, freeFlow and 12 others like this

reposted by freshjam and emiledi77

When the past calls,let it go to voicemail.. it has got nothing new to say.

#past, @pbcakes1971, @justthoughts

Krisargent, siouxz, jmb, AZgirl, ChrisRota, EmpressTygress, dor1316, Vandtastic, PenSword72, hellodarwin and 10 others like this

reposted by Vandtastic

A man in bathroom with a tool in his hands is not necessarily a plumber.

Magicalreturns, MAMONI, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, emiledi77 and Mapiya like this

If someone asks me if i "have a sec" then i answer "I have lots of secs", just to make them forget their original question.

Krisargent, Vandtastic, purplechill, MAMONI, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

A boy becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world has nothing to do with Tyres.

#boys, #story

Krisargent, Vandtastic, purplechill, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.

#Gunmen, #saying

Krisargent, Vandtastic, Shea, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

The bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat.

#Holy, #fact

Krisargent, dor1316, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Some people grow up and spread cheer, Some just grow up and spread like weed.

#saying

Krisargent, purplechill, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and jaybyrd like this

Sometimes you wish you could go back in time and change things..then you realize everything you would lose and decide it's better off this way.

#No, #Regrets

Krisargent, purplechill, emiledi77, Mapiya, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

I used to be lost in the shuffle,now i just shuffle along with the lost.

#lost, #world

Krisargent, janem803, Mapiya, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, emiledi77 and tsetse like this

Came home with flowers on friday night but she says,"Great now i have to spend all weekend on my back with my legs in the air." Confused me asked, Why? don't we have any vases?

#colorful, #weekend

Krisargent, dor1316, Mapiya, pbcakes1971, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out,she's worth a shot.

#vodkan, #numeral, #shots

Krisargent, janem803, Vandtastic, dor1316, Mapiya, emiledi77, freeFlow, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and jaybyrd like this

The Dude infront of me got cock blocked by Visa,Saying your card is declined while getting some Rubbers for the night.

#Dude, #got, #busted

Vandtastic, Mapiya, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and jaybyrd like this

I can ytpe 300 wrosd pre mnitue wtih the hlep of auto corrupt.

#Duck, #Autocorrect

Krisargent, janem803, Vandtastic, stargater, Mapiya, pbcakes1971, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and jaybyrd like this

He had his left side removed.
He's all right now.

#Alright!

Mapiya, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

To be truly independent is to support ourselves by our own exertions. The best place to find a helping hand, is at the end of your own arm.

#Independence

Krisargent, Mapiya, jodib, juneocallagh, emiledi77, purplechill, vladtheimpala, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Being independent is never a fault. Too many people who don't know how to be,Don't know how to handle the ones who are.

#Independence

Krisargent, Mapiya, juneocallagh, emiledi77, purplechill, vladtheimpala, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

There comes a point in life where you have to just write your sorrows in the sands and let the tides gently wash them away.

#positive, #life

Krisargent, dor1316, Mapiya, freeFlow, purplechill, vladtheimpala, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, jaybyrd and emiledi77 like this

Haters are like crickets, you can hear them talk but as soon as you walk by them they become silent.

#Haters

Krisargent, SarcasticAssO, hellodarwin, dor1316, Shea, Mapiya, vladtheimpala, Dead.Yeti, pbcakes1971, emiledi77 and 1 other like this

I had amnesia once or twice... i think.

#Amnesia

Krisargent, KosmicKarma, Mapiya, Dead.Yeti, pbcakes1971 and emiledi77 like this

We can avoid making choices by doing nothing,But even that is a decision.

#Choice, #decision

Krisargent, Mapiya, Dead.Yeti, purplechill, emiledi77 and freeFlow like this

Dig where the gold is,Not where the hole is.

#No, #gold, #in, #that, #hole

Krisargent, Mapiya, vladtheimpala, Dead.Yeti and emiledi77 like this

Man who sinks into woman's arms will soon sink into woman's sink.

#Deep, #sink

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti, purplechill and emiledi77 like this

Seven days on honeymoon makes one hole weak.

#one, #week

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti and emiledi77 like this

It's good for a girl to meet boy in park,but better for a boy to park meat in girl.

#Park

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti and emiledi77 like this

Man with a hole in his pocket feels cocky all day long.

#long, #Day

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti and emiledi77 like this

Men who fights with his women,gets no *piece at night.

#Peace

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti and emiledi77 like this

women who puts detergent on top shelf,Jumps for joy.

#Femjoy

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti and emiledi77 like this

Wash your face in the morning, Neck at night.

#morning

Mapiya, Dead.Yeti, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

Into everyones life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

Krisargent, Mapiya, emiledi77, freeFlow and Dead.Yeti like this

I don't call it getting lost.
I call it making my own directions.

#Independence

dor1316, philipsonn, MyM, Mapiya, Shea, swatchUSA, bold, pbcakes1971, emiledi77, FrankF and 4 others like this

Sometimes you just have to be your own hero & save your own heart. Because sometimes the people that you cannot imagine living without, can live without you.

#Independence, @freeFlow, @pbcakes1971

Krisargent, Mapiya, Shea, swatchUSA, pbcakes1971, emiledi77, purplechill, Dead.Yeti and freeFlow like this

If I cared what everyone else thought, I'd be just like everyone else, and there's already too many of them.

#Independence

Krisargent, Mapiya, Shea, emiledi77, purplechill and Dead.Yeti like this

You'll never realize how strong you are until you have no other choice but to be strong.

#Independence

Krisargent, dor1316, Mapiya, Shea, swatchUSA, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Dead.Yeti and freeFlow like this

Be grateful to those who have abandoned you, for they have taught you to be independent.

#Independence

Krisargent, whatever., Ziya, Mapiya, Shea, swatchUSA, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, purplechill and 1 other like this

It's ok to look back at the past,But just don't stare at it.

#past

Krisargent, UsualMan, timothy21, enderby, MickQueen, lokeygirl, whatever., guggigirl, SourceBlack, dor1316 and 10 others like this

reposted by philipsonn

Men doesn't pay hooker for sex,They pays her to leave.

#Hooker, #wants, #play, #poker

emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Mapiya like this

I just tried concentrating on that one single blade on my ceiling fan while it is in full rotation for 1 minute.Then i realized i just burnt 5 fucking calories.

#Boredom, #burns, #calories

purplechill, emiledi77 and Mapiya like this

You laugh because you think you're getting to me.
I laugh because you think I care.

#think, #laugh, #care

SarcasticAssO, hellodarwin, Ziya, jodib, pbcakes1971, purplechill, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Mapiya and 1 other like this

Lips that touch liquor touches other lips quicker.

#liquor, #quicker

purplechill, emiledi77, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Mapiya and Dead.Yeti like this

Be careful on that high horse sweetie. it's a long way down.

#Careful, #Riding, #huge, #Horse

Mapiya, tsetse, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

Some men socialize by insulting each other but they don't really mean it. Some Women socialize by complimenting each other. they don't mean it either.

#facts, #men, #women, #socialize

Mapiya, tsetse and emiledi77 like this

Damn that's a deep hole. You look stuck. How did you get in there? What? You dug it? Oh. Sucks to be you.

#Karma

Mapiya and emiledi77 like this

Never push a person to the point of them not giving a fuck anymore.

#kind

Mapiya and emiledi77 like this

Blood just makes you kind, loyalty makes you family.

#kind, #family

Mapiya, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Men,Stop acting like God's gift to women. The gift was the Orgasm, we are just the messengers.

#Gods, #messengers

Mapiya and emiledi77 like this

My small toe always finds the legs of furniture before my eyes do.

#Dangerous, #eyes

EnchicGong, Mapiya, tsetse, emiledi77, FrankFilocamo and FrankF like this

Don't be so HARD ON yourself,
No.

#mens, #feelings

krubjas, Mapiya, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

If the first tear you cry falls from your right eye it is out of happiness,if it falls from your left eye, it is out of sadness and pain but if it comes from your nose you need to take NyQuil.

#cold, #feelings, #fact

krubjas, Mapiya and emiledi77 like this

Okay life, new rule. You have got to at least start asking me to bend over first.

#life, #rules

Mapiya, emiledi77, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

if it was not meant to be eaten it wouldn't be shaped like a taco.

#Tacos, #taste, #organic

krubjas, FrankFilocamo, FrankF and emiledi77 like this

Women sitting in church has HOPE in her SOUL, Women sitting in her bubble bath has SOAP in her HOLE.

#Hope, #soap, #hole, #soul, #women, #church

Mapiya and emiledi77 like this

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Austria.

#strangers, #outside, #home

Mapiya, SourceBlack and emiledi77 like this

It's always nice to give back a little of what has been done to you.

#Revenge

Mapiya, ANNIE27, tsetse and emiledi77 like this

Behind this innocent smile I hide a blade.

#revenge

ANNIE27, SourceBlack and emiledi77 like this

I'm not as good as I should be but not as bad as I could be.

tsetse, emiledi77 and Dead.Yeti like this

Some Men are like dogs... always sniffing around for somewhere to bury a bone.

#Mens, #Dogs, #Bone, #Tale

tsetse, emiledi77 and Dead.Yeti like this

While you're sitting there all day playing call of duty, your girl is calling a stranger to come and DO your duty.

#stranger, #Duty, #answer, #call

emiledi77 likes this

when you feel sad, just remember somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".

#sad, #world

SourceBlack, emiledi77 and jaybyrd like this

I watch a dog chase her tail for 15 minutes.Then i thought of how easily they are entertained.Then i realized i just watched a dog chase there tail for 15 minutes.

#Bored, #Dog, #Tale

Krisargent, dor1316, campino and jaybyrd like this

Live together like brothers and do business like strangers.

#Brothers, #strangers

campino, emiledi77, jaybyrd and Dead.Yeti like this